Monday, November 18, 2013

Patriots-Panthers Drinking Game: Monday Night Football Edition

We've been waiting to see the Patriots play for over 2 weeks. So are you ready for some football? And some drinking? The Carolina Panthers have asked their fans to "black out" Bank of America Stadium by wearing black. Play this drinking game and you too might black out. Here are the lubing up procedures for Monday Night Football...

Anytime a commentator says...
"Blacked out" = 1 shot of "black" liquor (examples: Jim Beam Black, Captain Morgan Black)
"Bye week" = 1 drink from a beer
"Test" = 1 drink
"Prove" = 1 drink
"Statement" = 1 drink
"For real" = 1 drink
"Contain" = 1 drink
"This guy" or "here's a guy" = 1 drink
"Peyton Manning" = drink for 18 seconds
"San Francisco" or "49ers" = 1 drink
"Injuries" = 1 drink
"Mayo" = 1 drink
"Wilfork" = 1 drink
"Dennard" = 1 drink
"Talib" = 1 drink
"Boston College" or "BC" = 1 drink
"Length" = 1 drink

Anytime this is on screen...
Panthers fans wearing black = 1 shot of "black" liquor
A replay of Aqib Talib isolated 1-on-1 against a receiver = drink during the entire replay
Bank of America Corporate Center = 1 drink the first time, with a 25% interest rate each time it's shown (so 1.25 drinks the next time, 1.5 after that)
A college basketball player, team, or coach = 1 drink
Highlights from Super Bowl XXXVIII = drink during the entire highlight
Luke Keuchly's BC stats = drink the entire time the graphic is on screen
Kuechly's NFL stats = drink the entire time the graphic is on screen
An injured Patriot on the sidelines = 1 drink
Tom Brady angry with receivers = 1 drink
Brady happy with receivers = 1 drink
Brady's hand = 1 drink
A graphic featuring the Patriots' young WRs = drink the entire time the graphic is on screen
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink the entire time he's talking
Bill Belichick's sock(s) = drink an entire beer and a shot

Anytime this happens...
You yawn = mix Red Bull with liquor, 1 drink for the first yawn, 2 for the second, and so on
You flip to the Bruins game during a commercial = 1 drink
You think the B's and Pats are playing in the same city = finish beer
Jon Gruden makes himself laugh = 1 drink
Gruden makes a vaguely homoerotic remark about a football player's body, or a part of his body = 1 drink
Gruden compares a player's body or body part(s) to an inanimate object (e.g. a fire hydrant) = 1 drink
Gruden gushes about how large Cam Newton is = drink half a beer
Newton scrambles = 1 drink, then drink the entire time the announcers praise him for it
Gruden gushes about how large Mike Tolbert is = 1 drink
Gruden gushes about how large Rob Gronkowski is = 1 drink, slam can to ground Gronk style, even if it's full
Gronk catches a pass nobody else would catch = 1 drink (bonus points if it is from a Gronk-tini)
Gronk TD = Gronk-spike an unopened can of beer, open immediately, drink as much as possible
Brady yells "Aplha Milk" = 1 White Russian
Brady yells "White 20" = 1 White Russian
Brady points out the "Mike" = 1 Mike's Hard Lemonade
Patriots WR runs wrong route = 1 drink
Patriots WR drops pass = 1 drink
Brady misses an open Patriots WR = 1 drink
You worry that Danny Amendola is hurt = 1 drink (max 10, we don't want you to get too blacked out)
Brady throws to a non-Gronkowski tight end = 1 shot of liquor, add half a beer if the TE catches the ball
You fall asleep before the game is over (barring a blowout) = in the morning, drink whatever warm, flat beverages you failed to finish the night before

Get lubed up responsibly.

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