Tuesday, May 06, 2008


I try to avoid the writing of Dan "Shank" Shauhnessy whenever possible, because I like hanging onto my brain cells. But his desperate attempt to plunge Boston back into the murky swamp of negativity from which he spawned with his Sunday column illustrates two things about Shaughnessy: he is an idiot, and his inability to adjust to the Boston Sports Renaissance has made him irrelevant.

In an environment in which sports columns are an endangered species, dying out because of blogs; only the most unfit, unreal, unintelligent, and outlandish columnists will survive. Shank knows this. He tried riding the waves of sports radio, but his personality failed to make an impression on the air. So now he writes columns like Sunday's wad of toilet paper, and bloggers like me write about him. It's like when Woody Paige vomits his opinions on Around the Horn. Woody's loud and he's wrong, so he gets the attention.

Shank even made an allusion to Andy Reid's "blueprint" for beating the Patriots. As if football teams didn't know that pressuring Brady would slow down the Pats' offense. And as if teams like the Cavs, Pistons, Lakers, and everyone else in the NBA didn't know that getting all the calls, making every free throw, and running your ass off up and down the court would be the formula for beating the Celtics. The Cavs were 2-2 against Boston this season, they hardly needed Atlanta to show them that the Celtics are beatable.

I could analyze, deconstruct, and blow apart almost every argument Shaughnessy makes in his column, but his words are hardly worth my words. I may just be some lowly blogger writing for fun, but at least I can be proud of my writing, my arguments, my opinions.

One sentence, however, was so ludicrously awful, that it must be addressed:

"As for Garnett, I have only two words of warning: Alex Rodriguez."

Unbelievable. Shaughnessy, out of nowhere, compares Kevin Garnett to one of the most reviled athletes in Boston. The Shank tries to point out how A-Rod has no rings, and neither does KG. The Shank tries to portray Kevin Garnett as a choker, just like A-Rod. But it's deeper than that. Shaughnessy chose the comparison to Rodriguez because of things like this:

But all of this is a front for Shaughnessy trying to get under the skin of Boston fans, trying to get fans TO HATE the Celtics for going the full 7 games with Atlanta. TO HATE the Celtics if they lose to Cleveland, or Detroit, or God forbid LA. Shaughnessy wants the 2007-08 Celtics to become the 1986 Red Sox...chokers. That way, he can write more books and columns about how horribly difficult it is to be a Boston fan, and how we should all be proud of ourselves for struggling so valiantly against God's cruel designs.

Back to the quote. A-Rod actually isn't that bad of a post-season performer. He's not "clutch" per se, but he's hardly an automatic out in the playoffs. At the same time, KG has numerous solid post-season performances under his belt. And he looked great in the series with Atlanta. Before coming to Boston, KG averaged 22.3 points, 13.4 rebounds and 5.0 assists per game in 47 career playoff games with the Timberwolves. That's pretty fucking good, Shaughnessy, yet you dare to compare him to Alex Rodriguez?

As for you, Shaughnessy, I have only two words of advice: stop writing.

Shank column

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