WHY I HATE THE TAMPA BAY RAYS AND WHY YOU SHOULD TOO

Why did this team become likeable? Last year, they were the George Mason's of the baseball world, the underdogs who made it all the way to the World Series, the Davids who beat the Goliath Red Sox and Jabba the Hut Yankees.

I've always hated the Rays. Ever since Gerald Williams attacked Pedro Martinez and Brian Daubach kidney punched him. Ever since Trot Nixon chucked his bat at the pitcher's mound. Ever since the city of St. Petersburg was given a team.

The Rays might be good on the field, but their hometown is still a colony of the Yankees' Evil Empire. The Yanks have had spring training there for decades. So Major League Baseball, taking a cue from the NHL, decides to put a team there. Smart move.

Last year, a friend of mine who goes to the University of Tampa got ALCS Game 7 tickets at FACE FUCKING VALUE, $40!!!!!!!! Good fans down there in St. Pete.

And what's with the fucking name? Devil Rays wasn't bad. But just Rays? Ray is a person's name. Rays are multiple people with that first name. Ray Charles, Ray Allen, Ray Jay Johnson, Ray LaMontagne, Rachel Ray, Raymond Stantz (Ghostbusters), Ray Romano, X-Ray, Gamma Ray, Cosmic Ray, Ray's Pizza, Famous Ray's Pizza.

Their mascot should be Rae Carruth.

The national sports media portrayed them as a plucky bunch of scrappers. But they were a gang of cocky little twerps. I never thought I'd be so thrilled to see a Philadelphia team win a championship.

There's just no reason for me to like, or even respect this team from Tampa Bay. I hope they lose 100 games again and get contracted.