Saturday, April 03, 2021

The Ten Commandments Drinking Game

It's the Saturday before Easter, which means The Ten Commandments is on TV in all its epic grandeur and absurd splendor. As an 11th Commandment: thou shalt play this drinking game during this legendary film (actually you really should not play this game). Here are the rules.

Anytime a character or the narrator says...
"Bitter" = thou shalt take 1 drink
"Bondage" = 1 drink
"Hard" = 1 shot of hard liquor
"So let it be written" = 1 drink
"So let it be done" = 1 drink
"God" or "god(s)" or "Lord" = 1 drink
"Hosts" = 1 drink
"Let my" = 1 drink
"People go" = 1 drink
"Staff" = 1 drink
"Slave" = 1 drink
"Brick" = 1 drink
"Whip" = 1 drink
"Goshen" = 1 drink
"Abraham" = 1 drink
"Pharaoh" = 1 drink
"Moses" = 1 drink

Anytime this is on screen...
Blood = 1 drink
Fire = 1 drink
A body of water (parted or unparted) = 1 drink
Mud = 1 drink (bonus points if from a mudslide)
A male nipple = 1 drink per nipple
100+ extras in a scene = finish your drink
Really old animation = 1 drink
Statue or idol = 1 drink per statue/idol
Someone sitting on a throne = 1 drink per bethroned person
Someone being carried on a litter = 1 drink per person carrying them
A character lying on their side lounging in luxury = 1 shot
Someone toiling = 1 drink per toiling person
Livestock = 1 drink per animal
Vincent Price = 1 drink per line of dialogue

Anytime this happens...
A plague = drink for 7 seconds
A woman fawns or goes crazy over a man (even a theoretical one) = 1 drink per woman fawning
Pharaoh's heart is hardened = 1 shot of hard liquor
Someone dies (on or offscreen) = 1 drink per death
Moses just rambles on like a crazy person = drink for as long as he rants
An Egyptian abuses a Hebrew = 1 drink
A Hebrew abuses a Hebrew = 1 drink
An unnecessary dance number = drink for the duration of the dancing
People sing = drink for the duration of the singing
Someone is whipped = 1 drink per lash
Moses' facial hair changes style or color = finish your beer
Aaron helps out with something = 1 drink
An unnamed Hebrew character says something = 1 drink
Nefritiri deceives or manipulates someone = 1 drink
Yul Brynner poses like an absolute boss = 1 drink
Any character makes a big entrance = finish your drink
Someone barks out orders or commands (including those on tablets) = 1 drink per order/command
Someone says or does something sexually inappropriate/aggressive = 1 drink
You lose track of who is who and/or how they are related to each other = one full beer
Someone (you're watching with) makes a joke about the Suez Canal = 1 drink for you, the person telling the joke must drink a full beer

So let it be written, so let it be drunk

But seriously, do not play this game with these full rules, you will pass out (or worse) before Moses even realizes he's Hebrew.