A BANDWAGONER'S GUIDE TO HOCKEY

The Celtics are out. But you still want a reason to go out drinking on a Tuesday night and celebrate with your fellow Bostonians. And in a surreal twist of fate, you're watching Boston Bruins games. Because the Bruins are, at the moment, the best sports team in New England.

I'm not going to judge you for being a bandwagoner. Bandwagoners are byproducts of success. I remember once in 2005 I was mocking a friend of mine because she had a turquoise Sox hat and didn't know who Mark Bellhorn was. Then she made the very poignant argument, that why should I care what "grade" of fan other people were. She argued that the team winning should be more important to me. Since then, I don't really care who's a bandwagoner, who's a frontrunner, who's a fair-weathered fan, who's a die-hard, et cetera.

But here's a basic guide to hockey for you newer fans. It's a complex game, and I won't bother to explain the intricate nuances. This is strictly a 100 level course so you don't get too lost.

1. Zones
The ice is divided by blue lines into three zones (ignore that red line at the middle, it's meaningless). The offensive zone, the neutral zone, the defensive zone. The offensive zone is where your team shoots. The defensive zone is where the opponent shoots. The neutral zone is between the blue-lines.

2. Offsides:
The puck has to be the first thing into the offensive zone. Offensive players can't beat the puck over that big blue line. If they do, there's a whistle, then a faceoff outside the zone.

3. Icing:
You can't just slap the puck out of your defensive zone and all the way up the ice. Doing so results in a faceoff back in the defensive zone, and you can't change your players. Sometimes, icing is waved off. It's too complicated to explain why and when that happens.

4. Penalties:
When someone commits a penalty, they have to go into the penalty box, and their team can't replace them on the ice. So one team will have 5 skaters against another team's 4. It's called a Power Play, and it's an excellent opportunity to score. The more common penalties you'll see:

High-sticking: One player's stick accidentally or intentionally hits an opponent high in the head/shoulder area.

Interference: Hitting someone who doesn't have the puck.

Hooking: Using the stick to hook an opponent, usually in the mid-section.

Tripping: Using the stick to trip an opponent.

Slashing: Using the stick to... you know.

Holding: Using hand(s) to impede the progress of an opponent.

Roughing: Difficult to define. Any physical play that's beyond the normal pushing and shoving.

Fighting: Usually doesn't result in a Power Play because it does indeed take two to tango and each team's player will receive a penalty. Fights are rare in playoff hockey, but they do happen, and they're tolerated, but still penalized.

5. Following the Puck:
New fans often find it difficult to follow the puck. Especially if they've been drinking and/or take their eyes off the screen for a moment. Don't worry. Most of the action occurs away from the puck, and the best plays happen so fast that you need slow motion replays to see what really happens anyway. So don't get too overly focused on the puck, and don't worry about losing it.

6. Who is on the Ice?
Changing players on the fly is integral to hockey's constant speed. But it also means that casual fans drinking beers and munching on a basket of wings have no idea who is on the ice or when. So listen to the play-by-play guys to figure that out. Remember that the defensemen hang out by the blue-line on offense, the forwards move around the net. On defense, the defensemen hover around the net, the forwards skate around near the blue-line. That's all you need to know. And that very large man with a #33 on his back is Zdeno Chara. You'll always be able to recognize him.

7. What's the "C" and "A" mean?
"C" stands for Captain. You should know that from your pinkhat love of Jason Varitek. "A" stands for Alternate Captain. There is one C and two A's on each team. They're the only players allowed to discuss things with the refs.

8. Why the Beards?
It's sort of a playoff tradition/superstition for players to let their beards grow out. I don't know what female hockey players stop shaving during big tournaments. Nor do I care to find out.

9. Goals, Assists, Points
Obviously you know what a goal is. Assists are given to the last two teammates to touch the puck before the goal-scorer (unless one of them is the goal-scorer himself). Points are just a player's goals, plus their assists. Always call a goal a goal. It's not a point.

10. Plus/Minus
The +/- stat keeps track of how well a team does while a certain player is on the ice. If a player is on the ice when his team scores, his plus/minus goes up 1. If he's on the ice when the opponent scores, it goes down 1. The scoring or allowing of Power Play goals do not affect this stat. All you need to know is that a positive "plus/minus" is indicative of good overall play. Example: Dennis Seidenberg finished the Philadelphia series +10.

PLAYER CHEAT SHEET
Just a few quick notes on some Bruins players that you can drop at the bar and sound like a knowledgeable fan.

Tim Thomas: Spent a significant amount of his early career playing in Finland, winning awards for best goalie in 1998, and best player in 2005. He'll likely win the Vezina this year, which is given to the best goalie. He won the Vezina two years ago.

Zdeno Chara: Tallest player in NHL history at 6' 9"

Daniel Paille: Failed to make the starting lineup for most of the season. Now part of the 4th line, and an important penalty killer (he's on the ice when the opponent has a Power Play).

Dennis Seidenberg: Born in Schwenningen, Germany. One of 8 German born players in the NHL.

Shawn Thornton: Scored a career high 10 goals this year. Thornton, along with teammate Gregory Campbell, is one of only 6 NHL players to score 10+ times and fight 10+ times this season.

Mark Recchi: 43 years old, 1,652 NHL games, plus 175 playoff games. Won the Cup in '91 and 2006. 19th all-time with 577 goals, 13th all-time with 956 assists. You just need to remember that he's old, he's played a lot of hockey, he's scored a lot of goals. The Bruins acquired him via trade with the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Nathan Horton and Brad Marchand: This is their first time playing playoff hockey. They've done well for themselves, each scoring 5 times in the playoffs.

PRONUNCIATION HELP
You don't want to sound like a jackass by mispronouncing the names of the players. So here's some phonetic assistance with the tougher ones.

Patrice Bergeron: Pat-reese Burj-ur-awn

David Krejci: David Kray-chee

Rich Peverley: Rich Pev-er-lee (it's not a French name)

Tyler Seguin: Tyler Sayg-in (hard G)

Milan Lucic: Mee-lawn Looch-eech

Brad Marchand: Brad March-and (like the month)

Daniel Paille: Dan-yell Pie-yay

Mark Recchi: Marck Reck-ee

Johnny Boychuk: Johnny Boy-chuck

Zdeno Chara: Zuh-day-no Char-ah

Andrew Ference: Andrew Fair-ence (rhymes with fence)

Shane Hnidy: Shane Nie-dee (ignore the H)

Tomas Kaberle: Toe-mah-ss Cab-er-lay

Steve Kampfer: Steve Camp-fur

Dennis Seidenberg: Dennis Side-in-berg

Tuuka Rask: Too-kah Rask (sounds like rash)

Claude Julien: Klo-d (rhymes with road) Jewl-ee-en

SOX JOIN THE .500 CLUB

It's May 16th. And even though the weather's a bit raw, the baseball season is well under way. Summer is approaching. And for the first time all year, the Red Sox are .500.

Remember a few weeks ago, when we were all talking about 100 regular season wins? And now we're skipping in the streets about having as many wins as losses.

It seems kind of silly. Then again, sweeping the Yankees in the Bronx in order to reach this plateau makes it extra special. And the Yankees are only 2 games above .500. As much as the Sox have struggled, they're only 3 games behind the Rays. With 122 games left to play.

Pitching has propelled the Sox to .500. But hitting provided the final ounce of propulsion. They've finally started to hit with runners in scoring position, kind of, and finally started hitting homeruns. Youkilis' 3 run homer in the 3rd was vital to the Sox' effort last night. Ortiz's and Salty's provided the necessary insurance to win.

To be blunt, the Yankees simply aren't that impressive. They've got plenty of names that were intimidating in the late 1990s, but now are just prima donna headcases that seem to distract more than contribute. And how much money is Jeter going to get to hit .260? It's not as if he was underpaid before this season, either. What an overrated, greedy bucket of garbage.

The Sox have finally cracked .500. They'll start a homestand that might be impeded by this unseasonable rain, though. Matsuzaka faces Chris Tillman of the O's tonight, weather permitting.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

LIGHTNING WAR

The 5-2 score is a bit misleading. The game was closer than that. Although, if not for Tim Thomas, the Lightning would have scored 7 or 8 times. What I'm saying is that the Lightning outplayed the Bruins, Thomas kept them in the game, but foolish blunders took the B's right out of it.

This was a lot like the mistake-ridden start of the Montreal series. Tampa scored their first goal when Seidenberg lost his stick. Neither of the two Bruin forwards in the area (Ryder and Peverley) lent him theirs. And though Seidenberg is a lefty, and both forwards are righties, a defensemen without a stick is pretty useless. Then again, Seidenberg didn't seem to yell or gesture to Ryder or Peverley. None of the Bruins on the ice pointed out that the guy covering the crease had nothing to cover the crease with. The puck found Seidenberg, he tried to kick it out of danger, it went straight to Sean Bergenheim, who had a stick, and it was 1-0 Lightning.

The second Tampa Bay goal saw Michael Ryder utterly fail in neutral zone coverage. There was no effort on his part to play the man or the puck, and Brett Clark leisurely skated past him. The goal itself was a soft one for Thomas to allow, but Clark should have never penetrated the zone with such ease.

The third was the ugliest. An unforgivable giveaway by Kaberle just behind the net. The guy was acquired for his puck-handling skills, and he messes up a dribble right next to the goal. The play surprised Thomas, but not Teddy Purcell, who tapped in the gift goal. 3-0 in an 85 second span.

Seguin gave the Bruins hope with a magnificent breakaway goal toward the end of the period. Despite this, we didn't see much more of Seguin. He only got 9:38 on the ice. Shawn Thornton, for comparison, got 8:29. Seguin scores, yet Michael Ryder, whose lack of effort helped Tampa score, gets 11:55 on the ice. Not only that, Ryder got 4:55 of Power Play ice time. Tyler Seguin got 0:00.

But I guess when you're PP unit is 2 for 41, you don't mess with a good thing.

I understand the philosophy that's kept Seguin on the bench and scratched this season. You have to earn your time on the ice. And that's sensible. But what has Michael Ryder done to earn his ice time? His effort has been intermittent for the last 2 years. But Julien loves him. Why is it okay for Ryder to fail for weeks even months on end, and yet Seguin doesn't get a chance to play one shift on the Power Play?

And look at what Ryder's done this postseason. He had one great night in Montreal with 2 goals and an assist. But in 12 playoff games, he's totalled 2 goals and 4 assists. He gets nearly 5 minutes of Power Play time, Seguin gets 0 seconds.

The Power Play unit continues to fail. They struggle to get the puck into the zone. Once in, they struggle to keep it in. Once they keep it in, they struggle to generate good scoring opportunities. It's a complete and comprehensive set of problems.

The Bruins had three Power Plays in the 2nd period, when it was a 3-1 game. Scoring in one of them would have completely redirected the course of the game. By the third PP chance, they were doing well, and finally someone had an excellent scoring opportunity. Unfortunately, it was Kaberle, who has never been known as a shooter. He's a passer, a "puck mover," which is a euphemism (nice way of saying) for someone who plays bad defense and can't shoot.

The Lightning's fourth and fatal goal came in the 3rd, after Boychuk took a stupid penalty. He'd just leveled Simon Gagne with a clean hit. Lecavalier came over to give Boychuk the business, and Boychuk punched him. In the playoffs, you don't bring a fist to a shoving match unless you want to end up in the box. Lecavalier's been around for awhile and was smart enough not to punch back.

I have no problem with Boychuk shoving Lecavalier around. But don't punch him. It's going to get penalized. Then you have to hope the other guy is dumb enough to punch back. Lecavalier is an 11 year veteran with over 50 career playoff games under his belt and his name on the Stanley Cup. He's not going to do Boychuk any favors.

On the resultant Power Play, the Lightning scored, and the game was over. It's a shame because the Bruins had been surging nicely up until the penalty. Boychuk killed all their momentum, and handed Tampa Bay the dagger with which they finally killed the Bruins.

The Bruins didn't do much well in this game. Thomas was their best player, despite the 4 goals he allowed. He kept them in it, though.

The Bruins attempted over 60 shots, but only 33 got to the goal. 17 were blocked, the rest missed the target. Roloson was never tested, and probably never broke a sweat. No traffic in front of him, nobody made him move side-to-side, no rebound opportunities.

Give credit to the Lightning. They're good. They're fast. They can score. It's a simple, yet effective formula. In my preview of this series, I said that the Bruins had to limit turnovers, and not take stupid penalties. Saturday night, they turned the puck over (in extremely dangerous places), and took stupid penalties. They dug themselves a big hole then had to fight uphill all night.

Against Montreal, the Bruins were able to screw around for 2 games, recover, and win the series. Tampa Bay isn't going to give them the same opportunity. The Bruins need to get their act together NOW.

Game 2 Tuesday night in the Garden.

Photo Credits:
AP Photo

BRUINS/LIGHTNING PREVIEW

These teams both swept their Conference Semifinal series. They both needed 7 games to win their Conference Quarterfinal series. They're an interesting matchup. The best goalie, some of the best defensemen, against a collection of highly skilled forwards.

The Lightning are like the Canadiens, only better. Whereas the Habs were fast, the Lightning are fast AND highly skilled. Martin St. Louis and Steven Stamkos were each in the top 5 in points this year, with 99 and 91, respectively. They get additional production from the likes of Lecavalier, Ryan Malone, Simon Gagne, and 3rd line winger Sean Bergenheim, who's scored 7 goals this postseason.

Tampa Bay's Power Play is 11 for 45 (24.4%) in the postseason. And their Penalty Kill is 51 for 54 (94.4%). That's the biggest reason they've gotten this far. And in order to stop the Lightning, you have to reckon with their Power Play.

The Canadiens were troublesome to the Bruins. It was a close, 7 game series, with 3 overtimes. Just one unfortunate bounce of the puck, and the B's would have been eliminated. And now the Bruins are facing a team that's similar to Montreal's style, but much more talented.

Fortunately, the Lightning struggled with the Penguins. Who are like a slightly less talented version of the Bruins. The Penguins are physical, but don't have the potential to score like the Bruins do. They also don't have Tim Thomas. Don't get me wrong, Marc Andre-Fleury is one of the best playoff goalies in the business, but he has a tendency to utterly suck at least one game in a series. In a pivotal Game 5, Fleury allowed 4 goals in 25 minutes. The Lightning won 8-2 and never looked back.

With Thomas, that's not much of a likelihood. And he's capable of winning a game all by himself, as we saw in the Flyers series.

For the Bruins to win, they need to play physical and value possession of the puck. I'd rather see a 30 second possession in the offensive zone that results in 0 shots as opposed to a 5 second possession that results in 1 token shot from the blue-line.

The Lightning can roll two very talented lines, so Chara and Seidenberg will be worked hard. Guys like Boychuk and Ference have to step up on the defensive front. And they can't make mistakes. Turnovers will result in goals.

No stupid penalties. And the Power Play has to at least make the Lightning work hard for 2 minutes.

Without Bergeron, the Bruins need everyone else to step up. Krejci looked great against Philadelphia. Lucic finally scored. Marchand and Horton need to continue their good work. Ryder has to be more consistent. We'll see what Seguin can do. It would have been nice if he had more ice time this year, even in the AHL. But we've seen playoff newbies like Marchand thrive, why not Seguin?

I think Thomas steals a game, the Bruins are able to slow down the Lightning Power Play, push around small Lightning forwards like Stamkos and St. Louis, and win this series in 7 games. Sorry, Phil.

Hockey doesn't belong in Florida anyhow, especially in May.

Series Schedule:
Saturday 5/14 8:00pm - Lightning @ Bruins - Versus
Tuesday 5/17 8:00pm - Lightning @ Bruins - Versus
Thursday 5/19 8:00pm - Bruins @ Lightning - Versus
Saturday 5/21 1:30pm - Bruins @ Lightning - NBC
Monday 5/21 8:00pm - Lightning @ Bruins - Versus
Wednesday 5/25 8:00pm - Bruins @ Lightning - Versus
Friday 5/27 8:00pm - Lightning @ Bruins - Versus

CELTICS CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT

Around this time 4 years ago, Celtics fans were talking about lotteries. And now we're disappointed that we've only seen the C's win 1 title in 3 years. So let's not get too depressed about the possibilities of the Big Three breaking up. Let's not dwell on lost opportunities, or focus on the negative. In the last three years, this team went from a joke to a model franchise. They won 3 divisional titles, 2 Conference Championships, and 1 NBA Championship. They've become a face-franchise of the Association. They've rekindled old rivalries (Los Angeles) and established new ones (Miami, New York). This might be the end of an era for the Celtics. But it was one hell of an era.

Now to the game. You have to give credit to Miami. LeBron's been long criticized as a poor finisher. And before this series, I felt like if the Celtics could keep games close, their experience and clutchness would propel them to victory, just as it did in the Knicks series. However, the Heat were better in those late stages. Last night, while Ray Allen missed a three, and the C's turned the ball over with ease, LeBron, Wade, and James Jones were knocking down huge 3 point shots.

The Celtics turned the ball over 17 times. Garnett was 3 of 8 with his free throws. Glen Davis still can't find himself. Rondo played 30 minutes and most of those were ineffective. There was no singular reason for the Celtics losing. They lost for a number of reasons.

And without stellar 4th quarter performances from guys like Delonte West, it might have been over much sooner. West was the Celtics' best player in the 4th quarter. That's not a winning formula.

And at least LeBron's post-game interview was classy, and laced with praise for the Celtics. At the same time, he's still an annoying bitch, and I hope either the Bulls or Hawks destroy him in the next round.

Beat LeBron

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

CELTICS COOL DOWN THE HEAT

WEEI's Glenn Ordway believes that an NBA series doesn't really become a series until the home team loses. I tend to agree with him. Home court advantage can mean so much in terms of officiating, adrenaline, familiarity, et cetera.

KG stepped up on Saturday. Rondo's getting the deserved publicity, but Garnett had a monstrous game. 28 points, 18 rebounds. Pierce also did his job with 27. And Ray Allen has yet to get hot with his 3 point shooting, but he still contributed 15.

The bench also played well. The C's are going to need that if they want to win this series. Delonte had 11, Shaq only played 8 minutes, but his presence was felt in the crowd and on the floor.

The pivotal Game 4 is tonight at the Garden. If the C's win, it'll be 2-2, but it will somehow feel like they're leading. And obviously a loss would put them in a precarious position.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

HEY PHILLY, BOYCHUK YOURSELF

No need for anxiety. No need for panic. The Bruins took care of business Friday night and let all their fans relax a little bit.

A few weeks ago, I stressed the importance of improvement in the playoffs. From game to game, from series to series. And the reason the Bruins are in the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time since 1992 is because they've improved.

Remember those painful turnovers in Games 1 and 2 of the Canadiens series? Remember Marchand and Horton playing with the jitters?

The turnovers stopped. Marchand and Horton were the Bruins' best forwards in the Philly series. The Power Play actually scored a 5-on-4 goal (eventually). Chara's fully hydrated. And Lucic scored twice in Game 4, ending a long drought.

It was a sweep, but it wasn't utter domination. Thomas stole Game 2. Game 4 was a nail-biter until the late stages. And in those tight games, the Bruins showed some character. They fought the tough battles, won most of them, and that's why they are where they are.

And it's nice sweeping, not just because it's easy on the nerves. Thomas gets a few extra days to rest. Chara and Seidenberg will be worked like mules, and they could use some time to recuperate. Unfortunately, there's not enough time for Bergeron to recover from a concussion. That's a huge loss.

Bergeron is the best defensive forward, best penalty killing forward, best faceoff taker, and he's become an offensive playmaker with Marchand and Recchi.

And against the Lightning, a defensive forward would have been nice to put on the ice against Stamkos. That will be an interesting series. Tampa Bay has some of the most talented forwards in the NHL. The Bruins have some of the best defensemen and the best goalie.

The series will start when the two Western series are decided.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

HOW LONG CAN THE SOX STICK WITH LACKEY?

At least last year, Lackey ate innings. He was a disappointment, and had some bad starts, but he had some semi-decent ones, as well. In 2010, we expected him to be a #3 guy, maybe even #2 calibre. In 2011, we figured he'd at least be a serviceable #5, and hopefully a #4. Right now, however, he doesn't even look like a Major League starter.

He had some good starts against AL West teams, but even they got to him yesterday afternoon. 10 hits and 3 walks in 4 innings. He wasn't fooling anyone. He never fools anyone (except Theo Epstein). 2007 was his best year, and he's declined ever since then. And I'm starting to think that he's washed up.

Anyway, the Sox just can't breach that .500 barrier. It's about to get scary. In order to reach the 100 wins Sox fans thought they were predestined to attain, they'd have to play .656 baseball. Which isn't ludicrous. So it's not time to abandon ship. The Sox have 131 games left to eat into that 4 game lead the Yankees hold.

At least Crawford is looking like a Major League hitter. Gonzalez got that elusive 2nd homerun. Ortiz is hitting. They just need more people to show up and work. And they need to start looking at replacements for Lackey.

Sox host the Twins tonight. Wakefield's listed as the starter, opposing Scott Baker. The Twinkies are 11-18, have scored the fewest runs in baseball, and allowed the 3rd most. This should be a good weekend to collect some wins.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo