Hunter S. Thompson Would Have Enjoyed the 2012 NFL Season

I miss Hunter S. Thompson. I miss his writing. He decided to shoot himself in 2005, at the age of 67, in his fortified compound in Colorado. And I respect that decision. But I think he missed one of the more engaging, ugly, and intriguing NFL seasons in recent memory.

What would Hunter have to say about replacement officials? A devoted gambler, the tremendous influence that these amateur flag-throwers had on games might have driven him insane. Or thrilled him, adding even more randomness and chaos to an already difficult to predict maelstrom of variables.

Thompson lived in San Francisco for a period, and was once addicted to betting on the 49ers. He probably would have enjoyed the rise of Colin Kaepernick to prominence. An exciting, playmaking, tattooed star taking over as frontman of an already successful band that hadn't quite broken through to super-stardom. Kaepernick took over from a competent, but predictable lead singer. Alex Smith was the guy that sounds okay in a small club. Kaepernick is a rock star that can command an entire stadium.

The rampant PED usage by NFL players probably wouldn't have bothered Hunter. He used plenty of substances himself. One of his more famous quotes is: "I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me." If LSD and ether helped Hunter write (or at least influenced the experiences he had that he would eventually write about), I don't think he would mind players who use adderall or deer antler to play football. Football is already an unnatural act, and football players are already freaks of nature. Why not use chemicals to augment that freakishness?

He might mind the concussions. Back in the early 2000s he bemoaned the number of QB injuries there were in the NFL. It was an epidemic. And now QB injuries are fewer, but repeated skull bashing has created a generation of NFL players whose brain tissues have been reduced to ground hamburger. I think he'd have a problem with that. From his writings, such as a piece he wrote after Dale Earnhardt died, he seemed to have an ethical line that sports should not cross. Violence was fine, so long as there was no blood, no permanent injury. And once that line was crossed, sport became disgusting. Stadiums became Roman Colosseums, fans became voyeuristic sadists, and games became crimes.

Then there's the New York Jets: an endless source of writing material. They'd be pitiable if they didn't try so hard to be unlikable. I think Thompson would thoroughly enjoy the dysfunction of the Jets. Everything from butt fumbles to Tim Tebow to Rex Ryan's tattoos to snacks. The Jets are almost too cartoonish to write about, actually. It's like doing a thesis paper on the shortcomings of Wile E. Coyote's bird-catching tactics, it's too easy to point out the mistakes.

And finally there's the rise of the rookie QB. I think Thompson would have welcomed this fresh blood infused into the League. A League which has become somewhat repetitive  On Sunday the Super Bowl will have no Tom Brady, no Peyton Manning, and no Ben Roethlisberger for the first time since 2002. Think about that. A decade of football with 1 of 3 QBs always making an appearance in the Big Game. That's tedious. New faces are needed on the game's biggest stage.

RG3 might be Thompson's favorite. He would have reveled in the absurdity of the accusations that Griffin isn't Black enough. He would have loved to see football thrive in the Capital. He would have loved to see Daniel Snyder finally learn that you can't buy success, you have to cultivate, and harvest it from the Draft.

The 2012 NFL season would have offered Hunter S. Thompson a feast of intrigue and barbarity. The greed, the stupidity, the rises, the falls, the inspirational, and the abhorrent.

I'm not sure if there's a Heaven. But if there is, I think Hunter S. Thompson will be up there on Sunday, watching the game, making prop bets with Louis Pasteur, mocking the halftime show with Leo Tolstoy, and going shot for shot with Teddy Roosevelt.

Mahalo, Hunter. You're immortal.

Colts Put Peyton Out to Pasture

Peyton Manning was due a $28 million option on Thursday. The Colts will release him before that option triggers. And that makes absolutely perfect sense.

There's a chance he could remain in Indy with a restructured deal. I'm sure he and the Colts will try to get something done that would keep him in blue and white. At the same time, there are a number of teams that would welcome Peyton, and lay palms on the ground before him as he rides into town on a donkey. And the Colts have a draft pick to acquire a replacement. So a mutually agreeable parting of ways is very likely.

If I were the Colts, I'd keep Peyton. I'd also draft Andrew Luck. And I'd trade all my other picks to draft RG3 as well. Why not?

It would be a triumvirate of stereotypical QBs. The veteran unwilling to admit he's in the twilight of his career. Whose greatest injury isn't to his neck, but is to his ego. The by-the-book "game manager" white boy QB from Stanford. The black gunslinging playmaker with flare, a Heisman Trophy, and question marks about transitioning his game to the NFL.

Have a film crew follow the team around, hire Al Pacino to be the coach and invite Cameron Diaz to scowl from the owner's box and you have Any Given Sunday 2: Indiana's Temple of Doom.

RG3 Wins Heisman

Isn't it weird that the Heisman selects 5 finalists, and the BCS selects only 2? Maybe the BCS could learn something from the Heisman.

Robert Griffin III won the Heisman, by a significant margin over Andrew Luck, who finished 2nd for the second straight year. RG3 is Baylor's first Heisman winner, despite Baylor losing 3 games. Griffin won because of his "wow factor." He was by far the most electrifying of the potential winners.

Half his TD passes were for 35+ yards. He was the entire Baylor offense, and essentially the entire Baylor team. He won shootout games with his arm and with his legs. When Baylor was on TV, you had to watch, regardless of the opponent or score.

Andrew Luck is the best NFL prospect precisely because he's not as exciting. He's consistent, solid, mistake-free. He surgically dissects opposing defenses. RG3, on the other hand, slices and slashes through opposing defenses with a chainsaw.

Trent Richardson was as solid, dependable, and relentlessly powerful as you'd expect an Alabama runningback to be. He did his job, and did it well, scoring 20 TDs against notoriously stingy SEC defenses. He was the most productive offensive player on a team playing for a National Championship. He was a workhorse. But workhorses aren't as exciting as racing thoroughbreds. And that's what RG3 was.

Montee Ball was like Richardson, only he wasn't as well known at the start of the season, and didn't play for as good of a team. His 38 touchdowns weren't just against weak competition. He scored in every single game. He had four games with 4 TDs. He also had wide highways to run through thanks to Wisconsin's line. Ball entered Heisman discussion a bit after RG3 did. And while 38 TDs is impressive, RG3 threw for 36, and ran for 9. Which is more exciting, a 10 yard rushing TD or a 40 yard passing TD?

Tyrann Mathieu did have some of the most exciting plays on his highlight reel. But the reel is too short. I would love to see a defensive player win the Heisman again, but it won't happen unless they return half a dozen punts for a touchdown. Mathieu was electric, but he was just a few sparks here and there, while RG3 was a raging inferno every week.

So Griffin III won the Heisman. He's a junior. He might stay at Baylor and try to make a BCS Bowl. He might enter the Draft. If I were an NFL GM, I'd take Luck first, but I wouldn't complain about being "stuck" with Robert Griffin III.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

The Worst Timeout Ever

Last week, Rex Ryan called the timeout Mark Sanchez took just before halftime "The stupidest play in football history." Bob Stoops rewrote those history books Saturday night, when he called timeout with 51 seconds left in a tied game while Baylor possessed the ball. The Bears were content to go into overtime, as they had no timeouts. I guess Stoops wanted to force a 3-and-out, get the ball back with 40 seconds, and try to win in regulation (with no timeouts left).

Two problems with that:
#1: The OU defense had only forced two 3-and-out drives (one was 4-and-out) all game.
#2: Robert Griffin III had been torching Oklahoma's defense all night.

Robert Griffin III proceeded to punish Stoops' greed and arrogance with a 5 play, 80 yard drive ending with a 34 yard TD pass.

Stoops could have gone into overtime. And if you believe your team is the best, why not do that? That way, even if RG3 beats you, there's a chance to respond. The Bears had the ball on the 20, and only needed 47 yards to reach their kicker's range of 50 to win the game. Baylor had already amassed 536 yards of offense.

Bob Stoops cost his team a spot in the National Championship Debate, which would have raged for weeks. Now they must run the table just to win the Big XII.

College Football Summary: Week 5

Is it me or have the big games between top 10 teams been a little boring? One team always seems to build a huge lead and the game is decided before the 4th quarter even starts. Thankfully, you get surprisingly good games like Auburn/South Carolina. Here are the top stories from this weekend's games:

THE VOTERS ARE IDIOTS
Someone in the AP Poll voted Boise State #1. That means that they've seen LSU, Alabama, and Oklahoma play and were not as impressed by any of them as they were by Boise State. LSU has beaten Oregon and West Virginia. Alabama has beaten Florida and Arkansas and is allowing 8.4 points per game. Boise State beat Georgia, which is a solid win, but I don't know how anyone could not vote for LSU, Alabama, or Oklahoma as the best team in the country.

LSU HAS THE DEFENSE, OKLAHOMA HAS THE OFFENSE, ALABAMA HAS THE POISE
The LSU/Alabama game on November 5th looks like it will be a national title quarterfinal game, with the winner going to the SEC Championship game (national title semifinal). LSU's defense is capable of shutting anyone down.

The Sooners fell to #3 despite destroying Ball State 62-6, but that's understandable considering what LSU and Bama have done. OU is averaging over 40 points per game, and they'll get a chance for an impressive win if they can beat Texas on Saturday.

Alabama does not get phased. They looked more comfortable playing in the intensity of Gainesville than the Gators were. They've been to big games, they play in the SEC spotlight every week. They execute under pressure, and as talented as LSU and OU are, Alabama's poise gives the Tide the edge.

WISCONSIN IS FOR REAL
The Badgers were 4-0 against some weak opposition before Saturday. They crushed Nebraska and are now leading the way in the Big Ten. However, they've yet to play on the road. We saw how Nebraska fell into quicksand in Madison and Wisconsin will be just as vulnerable when they leave home. They've got tough trips to East Lansing and Columbus this month. And a meeting with #19 Illinois in Champaign in November.

CLEMSON IS FOR REAL
I had my doubts because they're so young, but Clemson is clearly the class of the ACC. They've beaten Florida State and Virginia Tech, not to mention a win against Auburn. They're just a solid team, and that is good enough to win the ACC by a mile. Georgia Tech is the only other viable contender in the conference. Not only do the Yellow Jackets run the ball well (378.2 rush yards per game), they've figured out how to occasionally yet effectively pass it (208.8 pass yards per game). They'll host Clemson on October 29th, and these two might meet again on December 3rd (ACC title game).

THE SEC WEST IS THE BEST
Auburn beat SEC East contender South Carolina. Alabama beat SEC East contender Florida. Both wins came on the road. Meanwhile, SEC West contender Arkansas beat Texas A&M in Arlington. The SEC West was 5-1 this weekend, even though 5 of 6 teams played on the road. When A&M joins the SEC, they'll likely be in the West. And after a few weeks in that division they might get homesick for the Big XII and games against Baylor and Iowa State.

DOES ANYONE CARE ABOUT THE BIG EAST?
If every Big East game this weekend were cancelled, would you notice or care? I wouldn't. The Big East is looking into expansion, but I can't imagine any BCS teams that would want to leave the Big Ten, ACC, or SEC to join the Big East.

RG3 FOR HEISMAN
Baylor's Robert Griffin III got picked off for the first time all season on Saturday, and it cost the Bears a win against K-State. That being said, he threw 5 TD passes before that, and his defense couldn't keep the Wildcats out of the end zone. Baylor only has a limited rushing game to run time off the clock.

RG3 completes 82% of his passes, he has 18 TDs and 1 INT, he's thrown for 1,308 yards. He's on pace to throw 54 TDs, 3 picks, and over 3,900 yards. He is the entire Baylor team. The Bears have the 84th ranked scoring defense. Griffin is responsible for 67% of Baylor's total offense (1,308 passing yards, 173 rushing yards, out of 2,211 total for Baylor). He is 2/3 of the 4th best offense in the country. He's scored 19 of their 25 offensive touchdowns.

I know there are plenty of other worthy Heisman hopefuls with gaudy stats on teams that will contend for the national title. But the fact that Griffin is the entirety of his team's offense and is solely responsible for a mediocre program being in the Top 25, makes him Heisman material. For me, at least.

College Football Summary: Week 1

Week 1 rarely teaches us much, and by the time November comes, we usually don't remember nor care what happened. That's why it's kind of smart for some programs to schedule big non-conference games in Week 1. A win gives them momentum and can solidify their spot in the rankings (and get them TV games later in the year). A loss can be forgotten by the time the rankings really matter.

Here's what we learned about the 2011 season:

1. ROBERT GRIFIN III (RG3) IS FOR REAL, SO IS BAYLOR

This is an important year for Baylor. The Big XII is on the verge of disintegration, which will leave Baylor's fate up in the air. If they can win some games, make some noise, and get to a decent bowl game, then they can have some decent options for which conference they want to go to next. I'm thinking they might replace TCU in the Mountain West.

Anyway, RG3 threw for 359 yards and 5 TDs, he also ran for 38 yards, and caught a pass for 15. Not bad at all.

2. NOTRE DAME IS OVERRATED

It's shocking that people would rank Notre Dame higher than they belong. Absolutely baffling. If the Irish can't handle USF in their own backyard, how will they handle trips to Ann Arbor and Stanford, as well as visits from Michigan State and USC?

3. LSU IS VERY VERY GOOD

The SEC West is wide open. LSU just joined Alabama and Arkansas as the leading contenders. They dominated Oregon in a semi-neutral location (Baton Rouge is 450 miles from Arlington, Eugene is 2,000 miles away). It's almost impossible to go undefeated in the SEC, so having a big win like that already in the bank can help give the Tigers a national title berth, even with 1 loss or perhaps 2.

4. OREGON CAN'T WIN BIG GAMES
The Ducks weren't terribly outplayed, but they made huge mistakes at the worst points of the game and at the worst spots on the field. 4 turnovers, 12 penalties, and another loss to an SEC defense. The Ducks fly high when they're much more talented than their opponent, but when they face equal talent, they have yet to demonstrate the character it takes to win big games.

5. ONLY ONE TEAM CAN WEAR SILLY UNIFORMS

Speaking of Oregon, only they can wear silly threads and look cool. That's because their uniform was ridiculous to begin with. Forest green with lime green writing? Why not modify that? But when teams with traditional colors and standard uniforms try to copy Oregon's creativity, it never works out. Georgia's uniforms were so ugly, that they even failed at being ugly. Maryland's looked like a nightmare, Boise State's were ugly AND boring. Every team will try to imitate the Ducks, but only Oregon is Oregon.

6. USC'S DEFENSE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING POSITIVE
It's hard to be impressed by a 19-17 home win over lowly Minnesota, but USC did something in this game that they notoriously failed to do in 2010: their defense made a big play at the end, instead of choking down the stretch. In the Pete Carrol days, USC won with their defense. Their current incarnation might not be as athletic or as dominant, but at least they apparently no longer will cost the Trojans any games.

7. LIGHTNING SUCKS

Lightning seemed to effect about half of the games this weekend. It was a rare set of circumstances with several large weather systems covering the country. As the season progresses, and the weather cools down, lightning will stop being a factor.

8. IT'S GOING TO BE A LONG YEAR ON CHESTNUT HILL
The Eagles amassed 479 yards of offense, including 375 from QB Chase Rettig. But the BC quarterback couldn't get the ball into the endzone, and the eagles lost to a mediocre team that had a backup QB under center. Now BC travels to Orlando to play UCF, who won 11 games last year. A loss to UCF, and the Eagles can kiss bowl eligibility goodbye.