Minnesota Loves Giving Gifts to Boston

It's the time of year for giving, and that's what the Minnesota Vikings did for the New England Patriots on Sunday. Minnesota's 23-6 thumping of the Houston Texans made it so if the Patriots win next week, they can secure a first-round bye if Houston loses or if Denver loses. Essentially, the Vikings more than doubled the chances of the Patriots receiving a bye, considering the Texans face the Colts, while the Broncos face the Chiefs. Houston is more likely to fall to Indy than the Broncos are to fall to KC.

This isn't the first time that Minnesota has given Boston a tremendous sports gift. Old friend Kevin McHale shipped Kevin Garnett to the Celtics as an early Christmas present in 2007. That worked out pretty well.

The Twins released David Ortiz just before Christmas 2002, and he was signed by the Red Sox the following January. Ortiz has hit 343 homeruns and knocked in 1,088 RBI for the Sox since then.

It's nice that there's such generosity between Minnesota and Massachusetts. It wasn't always so heartfelt and nice.

Merry Christmas, Minnesota. And thank you.

Patriots Don't Try, Still Win

The Patriots have scored 294 more points than the Jaguars this season. Yet when they played yesterday, the Patriots only managed to score 7 more points than the Jags.

The Patriots played poorly. There's no getting around that. This was a hangover game. Last Sunday was a long, tough game. And it's hard to bring the energy down to Jacksonville after two nationally televised games against elite opponents. I'm not worried about the problems the Patriots had in this game reappearing in the playoffs.

I am actually pleased, in some ways. All year I've heard sports-radio callers and some pundits complaining that this team's defense hasn't won a game without the support of the offense. People have been clamoring for games to end with a Patriots defensive stop. They finally got it.

The D stopped the Jaguars near the goal line at the end of the game. Granted, the Jags have an abysmal offense. But stops are stops. The defense finally won a game.

The Patriots host the Dolphins next week and a first-round bye is still possible. If the Pats win, and either the Broncos or Texans lose, then the Pats will receive a bye.

The Texans are at Indy at 1:00pm. The Broncos host the Chiefs at 4:25, and the Pats also play at 4:25.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

Ignorant College Bowl Picks: Saturday's Games

I finished the season 79-81-1, which isn't a horrible record. I'm somewhat proud of it. Here are my picks for Saturday's bowl games...

Gildan New Mexico Bowl - Albuqueruqe, NM
Nevada +9.5 vs. Arizona
I gotta go with the Wolfpack in this one. Don't know why. But here's a picture of an Arizona girl.

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl - Boise, ID
Utah State -10.5 vs. Toledo
USU went 10-2 and the game will be played in the Rocky Mountains. Advantage Aggies.

All I Want for Christmas Is the NHL... To Die

More talking between owners and players, still the same lack of resolution. And I'm realizing that even if the NHL returns in the early months of 2013, the underlying problems with the League will go unaddressed and unresolved. It's a great sport played by great athletes who compete in a horrible, moronic, short-sighted League. The best thing for hockey is for the NHL to die, and a new League to replace it.

This new League should have a similar number of teams but in places where people actually care about hockey. Having 2 teams in Florida and only 1 in Quebec makes no sense. Having a team in Arizona and none in Wisconsin makes no sense.

This League should allow its players to play in the Russian Winter Olympics. Olympic hockey is the best free advertisement for the game, and it reaches a global audience.

This League should widen the ice to allow for a less cramped, better flowing game. The players are much bigger (and faster) than they were in 1924, the ice surface should also be bigger.

This League would have a luxury tax system along with a cap, so big market teams could spend a little more, but they'd have to pay the small market teams in order to do so.

This League wouldn't allow work stoppages every 5 years. Its owners and players would care more about the long-term success and prosperity of the League than short-term profits. There would be a commissioner independent of the owners, like Kenesaw Mountain Landis was when MLB appointed him Commissioner in 1920 after the White Sox threw the World Series. And that commissioner's sole interest would be the good of the game, not the wealth of the owners or players.

The NHL is an old, overgrown, decaying tree. It needs to be cut down and turned into mulch to clear the way for a vibrant new tree to grow.

Patriots-Texans Drinking Game: Monday Night Football Edition

Have a case of the Mondays? Then have a case on Monday. Here's a drinking game for tonight's Pats/Texans game...

Anytime a commentator says...
"Christmas" or "Holidays" = 1 drink from a beer
"Season's greetings" = drink beer for 10 seconds
"This guy" = 1 drink
"Here's a guy" = 1 drink
"Look" = 1 drink
"He's a football player" = 1 drink
"Potent" = 1 drink
"Balanced" = 1 drink
"High-percentage" = 1 drink
"Control their own destiny" = 1 drink
"Milkman" = 1 whole beer


Anytime this is on the screen...
Playoff scenarios = 1 drink
Graphic with Patriots/Belichick's record in December games = 1 drink
Most consecutive games with TD pass graphic = 1 drink
People shopping = 1 drink
Quincy Market = 5 drinks (because "Quincy" comes from the Latin word for 5, fun fact)
Santa = 1 drink
Christmas lights = 1 drink
Blinking Christmas lights = 1 drink per blink
People ice-skating = 1 drink
People ice-skating at Patriot Place = drink whole beer
People singing carols = 1 glass of wassail, or cider, or eggnog
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Bob Kraft talking to someone = drink beer the entire time he's talking


Anytime this happens...
Jon Gruden makes Mike Tirico giggle = 1 drink
Jon Gruden laughs at himself = 1 drink
Jon Gruden praises a body part of a player = 1 drink
Jon Gruden repeatedly gushes on and on about one player = drink every time he's mentioned, and drink for as long as Gruden rants
Jon Gruden refers to someone by a nickname you've never heard before
Tom Brady yells "Aplha Milk" = 1 drink of eggnog or a White Russian
Brady points out the "Mike" = 1 drink (or 3 drinks from Mike's Hard Lemonade for bonus points)
Patriots get a 1st down = 1 drink
Patriots go no-huddle = 1 drink per snap
Patriots allow 10+ yard run play = 1 drink
Patriots force a turnover = 1 shot
Vince Wilfork forces or recovers a turnover = 1 whole beer, 1 shot
Wilfork returns a turnover for a TD = 1 whole beer, 1 shot, 1 pound of Texas beef
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff return = drink during the entire return

Get lubed up responsibly.

Dodgers Sign Zack Greinke

I wanted the Red Sox to sign Zack Greinke. Not just because he'd improve the team now, but down the road he would be a very good #2 pitcher if the Sox can acquire or develop an Ace in the next few years.

The Dodgers crushed that idea, by committing $147 million over 6 years to Greinke. And that's simply too much money. $24.5 million per season is Ace money, and Greinke is no Ace. This is the second largest contract given to a pitcher, behind only the $161 million deal C.C. Sabathia and the Yankees agreed to.

Zack Greinke was the best free agent pitcher on the market, by far. But it was not a very good market. Greinke was the least unattractive girl on a Tuesday night at Applebee's, not the hottest girl in a downtown club on a Saturday night. That's what the Dodgers paid for.

Then again, they are clearly not afraid to spend money (they're the reason the Red Sox are able to spend money this off-season). The Dodgers had around $190 million in 2013 salary commitments before this signing. Now they're well over $200 million.

Jeremy Jacobs Is the Anti-Robert Kraft

Patriots owner Robert Kraft is frequently credited as being instrumental to bringing the NFL owners and NFLPA together last year during the NFL lockout. This year, Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs seems to be playing the opposite role. While Kraft assumed the role of mediator and conciliator, Jacobs has acted as the opposite. Jacobs has been divisive, uncompromising, and argumentative. He is the wedge that has driven the owners and players apart.

It's almost as if Jeremy Jacobs didn't want there to be a 2012-13 NHL season.

Jeremy "Scrooge" Jacobs continued his avaricious agenda by getting into a shouting match with Buffalo Sabres goalie Ryan Miller.

Can you imagine an owner of any other team in any other sport getting "heated" with an individual player? Can you envision Robert Kraft or John Henry getting into a shouting match with Peyton Manning or Derek Jeter? Only the most absurdly hardline owner could lower themselves to argue heatedly with labor.

But that's what Jacobs is. He's hardline. Which doesn't make sense because he makes most of his money elsewhere. The Bruins are just a small part of the Delaware North empire which he commands. Delaware North pulls in $2.6 billion in revenues, so why is Mr. Jacobs so adamant about a few hundred thousand dollars in revenue?

Well, I think he's just an asshole. He's always been an asshole. We forgave and forgot him being an asshole when the Bruins won the Cup, but tigers can't shed their stripes. He is a bona fide, world-class asshole.

He doesn't care about the game. He doesn't even care about money. He cares about pride and spite. He is an embodiment of the Seven Deadly Sins, specifically Pride. And he, more than any other person on the planet, is killing the game of hockey.

Army Unveils Special Uniform for Army/Navy Game

When Oregon or Maryland seemingly use kaleidoscopes to design uniforms, I cringe. Most college football special edition uniforms are disgusting and/or obnoxious. However, the kit that Army will be wearing in the Army/Navy game is, and there is no other word for it, cool.

The uniform is a tribute to 1944, which was a good year for the Army. The football team won a national title and the U.S. Army won the Battle of the Bulge. A map of the Ardennes region (where the Battle of the Bulge was fought) is imprinted in this jersey's numbers, sleeves, stripes, and gloves.

That along with Army's already badass black and gold color scheme, plus subtle touches like the "A" logo on the gloves, and a helmet decal paying tribute to the 101st Airborne Division (which held on to Bastogne while surrounded by Germans in the Battle of the Bulge), add to the utter coolness of this jersey.

I'm a history buff, a football fan, and a lover of well-designed aesthetics. And these uniforms impress me in all three aspects. It's a great football uniform, it looks sick instead of making me sick, and it honors our history.

This is the best college football uniform out there.