How will the Patriots win without filming sidelines from the press box?

Forget losing Tom Brady. How are the Patriots going to win without the massive advantage of filming sidelines from the press box? The NFL's harsh and absolutely not ridiculous punishment of the Patriots came down today. But worse than the fine and the forfeited draft pick is the impact the lack of press box sideline footage will have in the win-loss column.

When Tom Brady's DeflateGate suspension was first announced, I remember laughing hysterically at how absurdly severe it was. And now I can't even take the NFL seriously enough to laugh at it when it tries to act like it cares about its rules when it over-punishes the Patriots for doing something that was as close to nothing as something can be.

And of course, the same old crew of people will emerge from the woodwork and get on their well-worn soapboxes to preach about the moral uprightness of their teams and the debauched wickedness of the evil Patriots. By this point, these aging crusaders of football ethics will have hoarse voices as they try to remember their rehearsed streams of bullshit occasionally peppered with half-truths and innuendo. They'll likely be doing so while wearing the jersey of a team with cap violations, rampant PED use, or coaches who block kick returners.

Most importantly, the NFL has sent a message to everyone far and wide: don't film a team's sideline from the press box. The sideline, which is visible to 60,000 people, is being filmed by TV networks and NFL Films, and is often full of microphones attached to coaches and players, must not be filmed from the press box. This is too much of an advantage for one team to have.

Rob Gronkowski: no ill will toward him for leaving, no good will either

Rob Gronkowski is one of the greatest football players any of us will ever see: a game-changing pass catcher and an even better run blocker. His presence helped the Patriots revive the physically imposing style of offense they won with in the early 2000s.

Unfortunately, he didn't want to play here anymore. And that's fine. I get it. It can't be much fun to play under Belichick. You don't get the big money, you have to watch what you say and do in public, it's probably a more demanding job than many of us have ever had to deal with in our professions, and NFL players can't just decide to change jobs after giving 2 weeks notice like we can.

So go have fun, Gronk. No bad feelings.

But no good feelings either. At least not any good feelings concerning the present or future, just some nostalgia and gratitude for what you did in the past.

I'm not going to root for him. Nor am I going to blame the brain trust in Foxborough for not changing their culture and philosophy for a single player, as great as he may be, in order to keep him here. It is what it is. I'll live with the potentially alienating culture that won 6 Super Bowls, 18 division titles, and 30 playoff games. It seems to be working.

I rooted for Gronk when he was a Patriot, when there was a two-way street of what he committed to the team and what we committed to him. Gronk and his family lived like kings up here, and while he was in Patriots' blue, red, and silver that was fine. But the two way street of athlete/fan support isn't a 1,100 mile interstate highway. The street has moved down to Florida and to the NFC. So the social contract between king and subject is no longer in effect when the king moves his castle to a different land, and starts fighting under a different banner.

Especially when up here he preferred not fighting at all over fighting for the Patriots. Don't forget that. He chose to leave football over playing here. I have no qualms with that, but I'm not going to fawn over an ex-Patriot who preferred being a retired ex-Patriot over being a Patriot.

Now as for Brady, I will root for him somewhat as a Buccaneer. Because unlike Gronk Brady seemed to help push the Patriot Way among his fellow players. Gronk only seemed to tolerate it. Brady and Belichick built this kingdom on and off the field.  That's special.

Furthermore, and this is just my opinion, Gronk's "charms" are wasted on me. I find his act a little lame, and more than a little boring. We get it, you're a big goofball that smiles and dances a lot, you stick your tongue out, and the number 69 is hilarious. It's not a bad act, but not nearly unique or funny enough to merit a long-distance fan relationship.

So ultimately, no ill will for leaving. But no good will for anything on the football field since you retired. It's kind of like the first 9 years of The Simpsons compared to everything after: I enjoy the memories, but am apathetic toward your present and future.

Antonio Brown acquisition: Let's not queue up the quacking duck boats yet

The Patriots have signed star receiver Antonio Brown. Understandably, we're all excited about this acquisition. Look at the Pats' receiving options: Gordon, Edelman, Thomas, and then add a guy who has caught 100+ passes for 1,200+ yards each of the past 6 seasons. It's absurd.

But let's pace ourselves here and wait until Brown is actually catching touchdowns before we start celebrating them. Let's also wait to see if Gordon can stay clean between now and February, if Edelman's concussed brain can last another year of relentless hits across the middle, if Demariyus Thomas can recover and carve out a role here.

I'm not being negative. I'm happy with this move. And if Brown is a problem the Patriots will jettison him without hesitation. I'm pleased, but not ecstatic. I'll enjoy Antonio Brown's performance one catch at a time, not all at once before it even happens.

Patriots fans have a problem of anticipation and expectations. And it ruins their enjoyment of this team's success. They expect a 14-2 (or better) season with multiple touchdown margins of victory most weeks. So when that happens they don't even enjoy it. And when the Pats don't meet those lofty expectations, the fans act like the team hasn't won 6 rings, or been to 8 straight AFC title games. They don't fully enjoy watching the high quality of football being played in Foxborough. It's like sitting down to a perfectly cooked steak dinner, but instead of taking our time to savor each juicy bite, Pats fans put it in a blender, liquefy it, and chug it down in one gulp.

I don't know how much Antonio Brown will contribute to the 2019 Patriots. He certainly has a huge ceiling. He could be a huge bust. But I'll wait until he's making big plays to celebrate his big plays. One game at a time, one play at a time.

Patriots vs Eagles Drinking Game: Super Bowl Edition

Patriots in the Super Bowl again. Feels like a sequel to Groundhog Day where the protagonist over and over lives the same football season every year. Patriots start out as favorites, meet adversity, get dismissed by pundits, win a few games, Pats haters whine about something, ESPN makes outlandish claims, Pats win two playoff games, two weeks of media garbage, concluded with a thrilling football game.

History will be made on Sunday. No player has ever won 6 Super Bowls. No player wearing an Eagles jersey has ever won a Super Bowl. One of those things will happen Sunday. With this drinking game, you too can make history. You too can be the GOAT of Sunday evening drinking and Monday morning hangovers. There are no days off when it comes to abusing your liver.

So get lubed up, do your job, and we're not done (drinking).

Anytime a commentator says:

"Super" = take 1 drink of beer

"Bowl" = 1 drink, bonus points for hitting a bowl

"Fifty" = 1 drink

"Two," "too," or "to" = 1 drink

"Minneapolis" = 1 drink

"St. Paul" = 1 drink, say a prayer

"Twin cities" = two drinks

"Minnesota" = 1 drink

"Concussion" = finish your beer, slam can/bottle against skull

"Protocol" = 1 drink, then go inside a tent for 5 minutes

"Rob" = 1 drink

"Gronk" = 1 drink

Name that ends in "-ski" = 1 drink, eat some Polish kielbasa

"History" = 1 drink

"GOAT, greatest, best, etc." = 1 drink

"Tom" = 1 drink

"5-time" = drink for 5 seconds

"6-time" = drink for 6 seconds

"Champion" = 1 drink

"Bill" = 1 drink

"Malcolm" = 1 drink

"Brandon" = 1 drink

"Nate" = 1 drink

"Steven" = 1 drink

"Cris, Chris, etc." = 1 drink

"Al" = 1 drink

"NBC" = drink for as many seconds as your local NBC station (e.g. 7 seconds for channel 7)

"Here's a guy" = finish your beer

Anytime this is on screen:

Roman numeral = 1 drink per numeral/letter (so LII is 3 drinks, VIII would be 4)

Lombardi trophy (real or image of) = 1 drink per trophy

Super Bowl logo (any year) = 1 drink per logo

Vikings logo = 1 drink per horn (bonus points for drinking mead)

Ice or snow = 1 drink (bonus points if drinking cocktail with ice cubes)

Bill Belichick not talking = 1 drink

Bob Kraft talking = 1 drink

Josh McDaniels holding tablet or sheet = 1 drink

Matt Patricia = 1 drink, put pencil behind ear, first person whose pencils fall out drinks entire beer

Ernie Adams = 1 shot of gin

Green Man = 1 drink per man

Dog mask = 1 drink per dog

Roger Goodell = finish beer, throw it at TV

Highlights from previous Super Bowls = drink during entire highlight

Replays of Gronk concussion = 1 drink, 1 shot

Carson Wentz on sideline = 1 drink

Wentz highlight = 1 shot

Any kind of injury report or list = 1 drink per injured player

Anytime this happens:

Penalty = 1 drink per penalty yard

Touchback = 1 shot of liquor

Kickoff/punt return = drink during entire return

First down = 1 drink of beer

Turnover = finish your beer

Field goal = 3 drinks

PAT = 1 drink

Missed kick = 1 shot

Brady points out the "mike" linebacker = 1 drink, bonus points if drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade (but only if you're a girl and/or weigh less than 160 pounds, if not it's negative points)

Brady says "alpha milk" = 1 drink, bonus points if it's a White Russian

Brady throws pass to a non-WR = 1 drink

Patriot besides Brady throws a pass = 1 shot

Brady gets pissed at himself and/or others = 1 drink

Gronkowski catches pass = 1 drink

You're worried Gronk is hurt = 1 drink, 1 shot

Gronk actually is hurt = 1 drink, 1 shot, enter alcohol abuse protocol

Gronk scores = finish your beer and Gronk spike it (bonus points for glass)

Danny Amendola gets the ball in a non-receiving way (run, throw, return) = 1 drink

Amendola makes a clutch catch = finish your beer

Dion Lewis or James White gets the ball in a non-running way (catch, return) = 1 drink

Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink

Slater downs the ball inside the 20 = 1 drink for each yard inside the 20 (5 yard line = 15 drinks)

Slater lines up at WR = 1 shot

Bernard Reedy is on the field = entire beer

Kenny Britt catches a pass = finish beer

Dwayne Allen thrown to = finish beer

Patriots go no huddle = 1 drink at first snap, 2 at second snap, 3 at third, etc.

Patriots try a trick play = 1 drink

Patriots successful with trick play = 1 drink, 1 shot

Patriots score TD on trick play = whole beer, 1 shot, 1 glass of wine

Eagles player acts like they're flying = 1 drink

Eagles fumble the ball = 1 drink

LeGarrette Blount runs someone over = 1 drink, bonus points for hitting a blunt

Jay Ajayi runs 10+ yards = 1 drink, bonus points for smoking a jay

Chris Long makes a tackle = 1 drink

Justin Timberlake exposes a body part = 1 drink per part

You hold in a piss during the game AND commercials = 1 drink per play, 1 drink per commercial

A commercial tries to be funny but fails = 1 drink

You flip over to Puppy Bowl = 1 drink per puppy on screen

So enjoy the game. Then enjoy the ambulance ride, then the hospital visit, then the morgue. Your funeral procession can be like your own personal championship parade for winning this drinking game. The hearse is like a duckboat.

Patriots the most exciting team ever?

Are the Patriots from 2001-present the best team in sports history? Probably not. Definitely not. The Yankees dominated baseball for decades at a time. The Celtics in the 1950s and 60s were essentially unbeatable. Best team ever? No way.

But has there ever been a sports team as captivating as the Patriots? Has any team drawn so much interest or generated such passionate sentiment (good and bad)? Haters and fans alike gravitate to what's happening in Foxborough, Mass., as if there's some sort of natural magnetic force luring their attention.

And the on-field product is excellent, especially compared to the rest of the crap you see around the NFL. Despite being favorites in almost every game, the Pats find ways to play close, exciting football on the big stage. They've been a part of more of the best games you've ever seen than you realize.

They've won 5 Super Bowls, by an average margin of 3.8 points. Only 19 points separate them from 5-time champs to 0-time champs. And if you add the two losses to the Giants, the Pats have only outscored their SB opponents by a total of 12 points. That's an average of being +1.71 ahead per game.

Recently, there's Sunday evening's 4th quarter comeback against Jacksonville. The heavily favored Pats were underdogs with 15 minutes remaining, with no Gronkowski, and a QB with a cut thumb. Instant classic.

This coming off of last year's ridiculous Super Bowl comeback. And then two years earlier there was Malcolm Butler's goal-line INT.

Even when the Pats lose, they give America unforgettable games. David Tyree's catch does not get remembered as vividly by football fans if it had not been against the 18-0 Patriots.

The Pats are a gripping story between games as well. Has a thumb been obsessed over as much as this past week? What about ESPN's story about "trouble in paradise" among the Pats' triumvirate of Brady, Belichick, and Kraft? DeflateGate became a national network news story. So did SpyGate.

The Patriots are must-see-TV on Sunday, and water cooler talk all week.

So Pats fans, enjoy it. These times don't last forever so revel in how fun it is to see an exciting team play exciting games, and win them in exciting fashion.

And Pats haters, enjoy it too. When this is all over you'll find football less entertaining without villains like Brady and Belichick. Imagine Star Wars without Darth Vader, Batman without Heath Ledger's Joker, No Country for Old Men without Anton Chigurh. Pats haters are all Captain Ahabs, giving futile chase to White Whales. Little do they know that without a whale to chase, things will get a lot less interesting.


Photo credit: Greg M. Cooper, USA TODAY Sports

Seth Wickersham "beginning of the end" piece proves sports world revolves around Patriots

ESPN's Seth Wickersham's "Beginning of the end" piece on the Patriots claims there is a power struggle at the highest level of Pats' leadership: among the owner, the GOAT coach, and the GOAT quarterback. True or not, what the report conclusively proves is that the sports world is obsessed with everything the Patriots do.

Many of the pieces to Wickersham's puzzle seem to fit. I can imagine Bill Belichick grumbling about being coerced to trade Jimmy Garoppolo. I can imagine Tom Brady being worried about the security of his position as starter. I can imagine Robert Kraft interfering in an effort to alleviate tensions and to make his star QB happy. So there's a possibility it's all true.

But there's more than a possibility that the Patriots are the center of the sports world. That's an absolute certainty.

Even when they don't play, they're the top story. Just a whisper of dissension in Foxborough, and it's breaking news. The narrative of Garoppolo's success in San Fran is told as a Patriots' story. DeflateGate was national network news, not just sport news, and it endured for months. Compare that to the brief amount of time spent discussing the Seahawks violating concussion protocol (the media spent less time on that than Russell Wilson spent in the medical tent). People are obsessed with everything the Patriots do.

So while other New England fans might fret about tension behind the scenes, while other New England fans start blaming Bill or Tom or Bob for a breakup which hasn't happened yet, I'm just going to enjoy the fact that the sports world orbits around Foxborough, that Gillette Stadium is the center of the football universe. I'll enjoy it, because 20 years ago the Patriots were barely relevant, and 2 years from now the same might be true again.

Which Patriots team is the real one: Week 1 or Week 2?

The Patriots looked like two different teams between Week 1 and Week 2. What changed, is the change sustainable, and which performance reflects who the Patriots really are?

1. The Chiefs are much better than the Saints
Kansas City won 42 games the past three seasons, the Saints have won 21. The Saints have some talented players, but also have inexperienced and exploitable guys, especially on defense. And Brady exploited the hell out of them. A win is a win is a win, but let's not get too hard about beating a team that hasn't finished above .500 since 2013.

2. Brady was at his Bradyest
Even against a mediocre team, you still need to make the plays to win, and Brady did that to near perfection, especially in the 1st quarter. He was poised in the pocket, read the Saints' defense well, and made all the throws. Frankly, he sucked in the Kansas City game, and at times seemed to feel ghosts around him in the pocket. He was the most improved player from Week 1 to Week 2.

The subpar Brady we saw in Week 1 has made maybe 10 career appearances. The near perfect Brady from Week 2 has made about 40 appearances. The other 220 games have seen Brady be nearly this great or at least very good. So that's what we should expect to see week to week. He won't be as amazing as he was for the first 15 minutes, but he'll be closer to that than to what he did against KC.

3. Extra days and no days off
The Pats try to be the best practice team in the NFL. And that's why they win. Give them a few days extra to work and it typically shows on the field. Unfortunately it's rare to have a long week without also having a short week before it, so this advantage can't be exploited much.

4. Pats play better in adversity than perfect conditions
The Patriots play better in difficult circumstances than any team in the NFL. Whether it's injury, false media leaks about air pressure, a teammate being arrested for murder, Tim Tebow, the Pats thrive when the shit hits the fan and outside distractions threaten to undermine them. They have a sharper edge when working through adversity. So maybe a handful of injuries can actually help the team in some weird way? Maybe not.

5. Gronk looked 100% for 60% of the game
Gronkowski was flaccid in Week 1, he looked fiercer in Week 2, until he got hurt. When healthy the Brady-Gronk combo might be the most dangerous passer-catcher duo in the history of the game. He's also one of the best blocking tight ends in the League. With the injuries at WR, his health is something the Pats' season will swing on, and that's a flimsy backbone to lean on.

The Saints are mediocre, but so is most of the NFL. The Patriots showed in Week 2 that they should have regular season success against most NFL teams, so long as they have a minimum number of players they can put on the field. It was a good rebound, and it was great to see everyone step up any way they could: 7 players rushed the ball, 9 caught passes, 11 touched the ball, 20 of Brady's 30 completions were to non-WRs.

But as far as gauging the Pats as a contender, I need to see much more, either consistently against mediocre teams, or once against a good team.

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, just a Rational Rob.

Photo Credit: AP

Patriots vs. Chiefs Drinking Game: Banner Raising Edition

Football season is back and it begins as it should: with the Patriots raising a championship banner. This one made even sweeter by the failed attempts of the NFL and Commissioner Roger Goodell to punish the Pats for not kneeling to him and kissing his ass.

The Patriots begin their title defense against the Chiefs, and hope to become the first back-to-back champions since themselves back in 2003 and 2004. The team is loaded with talent but it's all about execution. Having talent is like stocking your fridge and liquor cabinet with great booze. Assembling it is the first step, but knowing what to do with it is far more important.

We're happy to help guide you to drinking your way through the 2017 season. And we begin with a drinking game to play as the Pats host the Chiefs, hoist a banner, and you destroy your internal organs and your life with toxic levels of alcohol.

Here are the rules...

Every time a commentator says:
Banner = take 1 drink of beer
Raise = 1 drink
Five = drink beer for 5 seconds
Time = 1 drink
Champion (in any form) = 1 drink and raise your ring fingers in the air as an FU to Goodell
Defending = 1 drink
Super Bowl = 1 drink
Fifty-one = drink for 51 seconds
Greatest/best = 1 drink

Do = 1 drink
Your = 1 drink
Job = 1 drink
No days off = 1 drink

Chiefs = 1 drink
(Kansas) City = 1 drink
Eric = 1 drink
Mitchell or Mitch = 1 drink
Ware = 1 drink
Any first name that begins with "De" (e.g. De'Anthony or Dee) = 1 drink
Smith = 1 drink
Game manager = 1 drink
AFC West = 1 drink
Chris (or Cris) = 1 drink
Marcus = 1 drink
Al = 1 drink

Deflate = 1 drink
Gate = 1 drink
Suspended = 1 drink
Roger = 1 drink
Goodell = 1 drink


Any time this is on screen:
The score 28-3: drink for 25 seconds
A banner = 1 drink per banner
A Lombardi Trophy = 1 drink per trophy
A Super Bowl ring = 1 drink per ring
Roger Goodell = finish your beer

Injured Spencer Ware = 1 drink
Injured Julian Edelman = finish your beer, toss it in the air, and whoever makes the most ridiculous catch get 1,000 points
Video of Ware and/or Edelman getting hurt = drink during entire clip

Super Bowl highlights = drink during the entire clip
The number 51 (including on the clock): 1 drink
Roman numerals = 1 drink per letter (bonus points for drinking Dos Equis, or Molson XXX)

Vince Wilfork = 1 drink, 1 shot, eat a turkey leg
Ernie Adams = 1 shot of liquor (bonus points if it's gin, Ernie seems like a gin guy)
Jimmy Garappolo = 1 drink


Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking = drink the entire time he talks



Any time this happens:
Andy Reid mismanages the clock = finish your beer

Tom Brady yells in anger = 1 drink
Tom Brady yells in joy = 1 drink
Brady headbutts someone = 1 drink
Brady points out the "mike" = 1 drink (bonus points if drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade, but only if you're a girl or weigh under 100 pounds)
Brady says "alpha milk" = 1 drink

Pats go no huddle = 1 drink per snap
Chiefs run the ball = 1 drink
James White gets the ball = 1 drink
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink

Rob Gronkowski makes a catch = 1 drink
Gronk makes a big block = 1 drink
Gronk scores a TD = finish your beer, spike it (bonus points for glass containers spiked on hard surfaces)
You get worried that Gronk is hurt = 1 shot

Stephen Gostkowski barely makes a kick = 1 drink
Gostkowski misses a kick = 1 shot


So enjoy the game between the Patriots and Chiefs. And if you play this game, please also enjoy the trip to the hospital, the morgue, and the cemetery.

Patriots vs Steelers Drinking Game: AFC Championship Edition

Patriots vs. Steelers. Tom Brady vs. Big Ben. Bill Belichick vs. Mike Tomlin. SpyGate and DeflateGate vs. a coach trying to block a kick returner on the field. Two teams, lots of recent success, lots of rivalry, lots of respect, and lots of shared hatred for Roger Goodell.

Get ready to share your drunken thoughts on SpapFace and InstaChat, because it's the motherfucking AFC Championship.

Belichick says that players play, and coaches coach. And we say that drinkers drink. So here's a drinking game to play during the AFC Championship:

Anytime a Commentator Says...
"AFC" = 1 drink from a beer
"Conference" = 1 drink
"Championship" = 1 drink
"Game" = 1 drink
"Super Bowl" = 1 drink
"51" = 1 drink
"Houston" = 1 drink
"Playoffs" = 1 drink
"Home field" = 1 drink
"Rivalry" = 1 drink
"Record" = 1 drink
"History" = 1 drink
"In a row" = 1 drink

"Tom" = 1 drink
"Ben" = 1 drink
"Brown" = 1 drink
"Bell" = 1 drink
"Killer bee" = 1 drink (bonus points if you're buzzed by the time you drink it)
"Malcolm" = 1 drink
"Jones" = 1 drink
"Bill/Will/Williams" = 1 drink

Anything about Tom Brady's or James Harrison's age = drink 39 seconds for Brady, 38 seconds for Harrison
Anything about Brady's or Harrison's workout routines = 1 drink (bonus points for light beer), 5 push-ups, 10 crunches, 1 shot of liquor

"Roger Goodell" = 1 drink with your middle finger in the air (something both Pats and Steelers fans can agree on)


Anytime this is on screen...
A trophy = 1 drink per trophy
The AFC logo = 1 drink
A Super Bowl ring = 1 drink per ring
The Super Bowl logo = 1 drink
A Terrible Towel = 1 drink per towel
A tri-cornered hat = 3 drinks per hat (1 per corner, bonus points if drinking Sam Adams)

Highlights of Patriots beating the Steelers = drink for the duration of the highlight (bonus points/bonus drinking below)
-Clip of Bledsoe throwing a TD = drink for 11 seconds
-Troy Brown punt return TD = drink for 80 seconds
-Rodney Harrison INT return TD = drink for 37 seconds
-If you're the first to spot Corey Dillon, Deion Branch, Ted Johnson, or David Givens, you can distribute drinks to everyone else until the end of the quarter

Rob Gronkowski = finish your beer, spike it (bonus points for spiking glass containers)
Josh McDaniels = 1 drink
Dante Scarnecchia = 1 shot of gin
Ernie Adams = 1 slug of moonshine
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink entire time he's talking
Mike Tomlin = 1 drink, then block someone from walking to the fridge

The number 7 or 12 (in the score, the clock, on a uniform, in the stands) = 1 drink

Roger Goodell at Gillette Stadium = finish a keg of beer because it won't happen


Anytime this happens...
Tom Brady points out the 'Mike' = 1 drink (bonus points for girls if drinking a Mike's Hard product, negative points for guys drinking Mike's Hard products)
Brady says "Alpha milk" = 1 drink (bonus points for White Russian drinking)
Brady throws to a non-WR = 1 drink
Brady gets pissed at himself or others = 1 drink
Brady throws deep incomplete = 1 drink
Brady throws deep complete = 1 shot
Brady throws to Julian Edelman = 1 drink
Edelman gets the ball in a non-receiving way (punt return, run, throw, etc.) = 1 drink
Dion Lewis gets the ball in a non-running way (catch, return, etc.) = 1 drink
LeGarette Blount runs someone over = 1 drink
Patriots RB runs for 10+ yards = 1 drink
Patriots RB runs for 20+ yards = 1 shot
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink
Patriots try a trick play = finish your beer
Patriots successful (at least 20+ yards) with trick play = finish your beer + 1 shot

You think Ben Roethlisberger is sacked, but he escapes = 1 shot
Antonio Brown touches the ball = drink until he's tackled
Brown is just too fast to be covered/tackled = 1 drink
Le'Veon Bell hesitates = pause, then drink, but the last one to drink after pausing has to finish their beer

A kicker misses a kick = 1 drink for PATs, 3 for FGs
A team goes no huddle = 1 drink per snap
Kickoff or punt return = drink during entire return
Touchback = 1 drink


So enjoy the game. Get lubed up. Don't drink and drive. In fact, don't play this game at all because it will kill you.

Ray Lewis calls out Tom Brady's toughness, even though Brady played with no fear against murderer Ray Lewis

In Saturday night's Patriots-Texans game, Jadeveon Clowney was not penalized for what seemed to be a late hit on Pats' QB Tom Brady. Clowney began the tackle shortly after Brady released the football, but probably should have been called for roughing the passer as the tackle extended long after the ball was out, with Clowney eventually dragging Brady to the ground.

Brady made little effort to hide his feelings, yelling at the refs with such anger that he fell to the ground again.

And maybe the forceful lobbying worked, as later a roughing call was finally called on Clowney. Be that as it may, Brady has a well-deserved reputation as someone who gets angry about calls and non-calls failing to go his way. He's seen as a complainer, because that's what he does to refs on the field.

And so what? Seriously, how is this a criticism? The NFL has bad, inconsistent officiating. Tom Brady gets angry at bad officiating. Fans at home who yell at their TV about bad officiating, complain about Tom Brady yelling at the ref about bad officiating.

It doesn't make sense.

What baffles me most of all is that by yelling and complaining, it somehow makes him less tough. He's seen as a whiner and a baby. Ray Lewis, for example, Tweeted this last night.

It's Called Football Brady

— Ray Lewis (@raylewis) January 15, 2017

As if Brady doesn't know what football is, what the game entails, and that hard contact is part of the game.

It's funny for Ray Lewis to call out a player for lack of toughness, when on the football field Brady has been fearless, even when facing people who have participated in murder. Such as Ray Lewis.

If you don't like the complaining to refs, fine. That's kind of silly because NFL officiating is horribly inconsistent and overly obsessed with defining things that can't be defined while simultaneously ignoring the spirit and intention of the rules.

But Brady's complaining has nothing to do with toughness or lack thereof.

Photo Credit: USATSI

Patriots didn't play crappy game against Texans, but need to improve to beat Steelers or Chiefs

You can't turn the ball over 3 times in a playoff game and expect to win. Unless you're the Patriots and you win by 18, putting up 34 points on the #1 defense in the NFL. Tom Brady, by the way, is now 4-1 in playoff games against #1 NFL defenses. It's amazing how unamazed I am by that tidbit.

The amazing has become the typical for Brady, Belichick, and the Pats.

"Amazing" is not how I would describe the Patriots' performance last night. Brady was off for most of the game (18 for 38, 2 picks). There were times when the O-line couldn't stop the pass rush up the middle. The Pats failed to punch it in from 1st and goal on the 3. And as great as Dion Lewis looked for most of the game, you simply CANNOT fumble a kickoff return. Who does he think he is? Cyrus Jones?

The Patriots can't play 60 minutes like that and expect to beat the Chiefs or Steelers. Those teams probably won't give the ball back 3 times. And those teams will score TDs off turnovers, not field goals.

The Chiefs had the top takeaway/giveaway differential in the NFL at +16. Compare that to the Texans at 26th and a -7 differential. KC only lost the ball 17 times (8th best in NFL). They won't give you the ball back the way Osweiler did last night.

Then there's Pittsburgh, who have a much more dangerous offense than Houston's. Compare Le'Veon Bell to Lamar Miller. Antonio Brown is one of the few WRs out there better than DeAndre Hopkins. And Ben Roethlisberger is just on a different planet compared to Brock Osweiler. Comparing Big Ben to Osweiler is like comparing how great Shaq the basketball player was with how awful Shaq the actor was. And like Osweiler, Shaq the actor was paid a ridiculous amount of money considering the crappy results.

There's room for improvement, but the Pats didn't play a crappy game. The kickoff return TD was the result of excellent blocking and Lewis' agility and outright speed. Edelman seemed to disappear for stretches but finished with 8 catches and 137 yards. Most of the night the O-line protected Brady and gave him plenty of time.

Defensively, the Pats forced 3 turnovers, limited Hopkins to 6 catches and 65 yards, gave up fewer than 300 yards (285), held the Texans on 13 of 16 3rd downs (81.3%), sacked Osweiler 3 times, hit him a few more, and held on 2 of 3 Texans trips into the Red Zone.

I'm optimistic the Pats' offense will perform better. They have no choice. Turn the ball over like that again and the Chiefs or Steelers will make you pay. I also have concerns that some key players like Brady, Blount, Bennett, and Amendola are banged up and it's affecting their usage and/or performance. At least the Pats get an extra day to recover.

And ultimately what matters is that for the 11th time in the Brady/Belichick era and for the 6th year in a row, we're on to the AFC Championship game.

Photo credit: Elise Amendola/AP Photo

Patriots-Texans Drinking Game: Playoff Edition

Saturday night the Patriots host the Texans in t he AFC Divisional round. The annual tradition of Patriots football extending into mid-January continues. Hopefully the Pats aren't too overly confident in this game, but you can go ahead and get as overly confucked up as you want. And the best way to do so is to play this Patriots drinking game:

Everytime a commentator says...
"Divisional" = take 1 drink of beer
"Round" = 1 drink
"Playoffs" = 1 drink
"AFC" = 1 drink
"Home field" = 1 drink
"Seed" = 1 drink
"Gillette" = 1 drink
"Tom" = 1 drink
"Brady" = 1 drink
"Brock" = 1 drink
"DeAndre" = 1 drink
"Vince" = 1 drink
"Malcolm" = 1 drink
"Jones" = 1 drink
"Bill/Will/William(s)" = 1 drink
"Jim" = 1 drink
"Phil" = 1 drink
"CBS" = 1 drink
"Cold" = 1 drink
"Super Bowl" = 1 drink


Anytime this is on screen...
Highlights of the Patriots beating the Texans = drink during the entire clip
Highlights of Tom Brady in the playoffs = drink for entire clip
Super Bowl highlights = drink during entire clip
JJ Watt = finish your beer, do 10 pushups, then post on social media about working out
Rob Gronkowski = finish your beer and Gronk spike it, bonus points if spiking a glass container
Jacoby Brissett = drink for 7 seconds
Josh McDaniels = 1 drink
Dante Scarnecchia = finish your beer
Ernie Adams = finish your beer, 1 shot of liquor
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink entire time he's talking
Vince Wilfork in a Patriots uniform = 1 drink, eat 1 slice of pizza
Wilfork on the sideline = 1 drink, 1 shot, eat 1 turkey leg
A star (including in logos, but not on helmets) = 1 drink per star


Anytime this happens...
Brady points out the "mike" = 1 drink, bonus points if drinking a Mike's Hard product (girls only), negative points for guys drinking Mike's
Brady says "Alpha milk" = 1 drink, bonus points if drinking a White Russian
Brady throws to a non-receiver = 1 drink
Brady looks pissed = 1 drink
Julian Edelman thrown to = 1 drink
Edelman makes someone miss = 1 drink
Martellus Bennett runs someone over = 1 drink
LeGarette Blount runs someone over = 1 drink
Blount runs for 10+ yards = 1 shot
Blount runs for 20+ yards = finish your beer
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink
Stephen Gostkowski misses a FG or PAT = 1 drink, 1 shot
Brock Osweiler makes a great throw = 1 drink
Osweiler makes a terrible throw = 1 drink
DeAndre Hopkins thrown to = 1 drink
Hopkins catches pass = drink for 5 seconds
Hopkins catches a pass for 25+ yards = finish your beer
Hopkins makes an insane catch = whole beer
A team goes no huddle = 1 drink per snap
Kickoff return = drink during entire return
Touchback = 1 drink

So enjoy the game. Get lubed up responsibly. Appoint designated drivers. Be prepared to dial 9-1-1 at any time. And hopefully the Pats will be moving on to KC or Pittsburgh while you're moving on to a stomach pump and liver surgery.

Patriots-Broncos Drinking Game: AFC Championship Edition

Patriots, Broncos. Manning, Brady. An AFC Championship and a trip to the Super Bowl on the line. What could be any better than that? I'll tell you what... Drinking so much alcohol you'll need to watch the 4th quarter in the Emergency Room. Here's a drinking game to play while the Patriots face the Broncos Sunday in the AFC Championship...

Anytime a commentator says:
"AFC" = 1 drink of beer
"Championship" = 1 drink
"Manning" = 1 drink
"Brady" = 1 drink
"Winner" = 1 drink
"Seventeen(th)" = drink for 17 seconds
"Meeting" = 1 drink
"Playoffs" = 1 drink
"History" = 1 drink
"Legacy" = 1 drink
"Super Bowl" = 1 drink
"Fifty" = 1 drink
"Mile high" = 1 drink, 1 hit from a joint
Anything about the air being thin = hold your breath for 15 seconds, then drink for 5 seconds
Anything about the weather being nice = 1 drink
"Crowd noise" = 1 drink
"Home field" = 1 drink
"Injury" = 1 drink
"Malcolm" = 1 drink
"Jackson" = 1 drink


Anytime this is on screen...
A Roman numeral = drink for as many seconds as the number (e.g. XVII=drink for 17 seconds)
Highlights from previous Manning/Brady games = drink during entire highlight
Highlights of Brady/Patriots struggling in Denver = drink during entire highlight
The number 18 (on the field or in a graphic) = 1 drink
A trophy = 1 drink per trophy
Manning face = 1 shot of liquor (and permission to vomit)
A Manning besides Peyton = 1 drink per Manning
A horse (real or cartoon) = 1 drink
A horseshoe (real or as part of a logo) = 1 drink per shoe
A mountain = 1 drink pear peak
John Elway = 1 drink
Brock Osweiler = 1 drink
Wade Philips = 1 drink
Matt Patricia = 1 drink
Ernie Adams = 1 glass of wine
Josh McDaniels = 1 drink
A graphic about injuries = 1 drink
A coin toss (live or video) = 1 drink
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink the entire time he's talking


Anytime this happens...
Someone says "Omaha" = 1 drink
Broncos fans say that stupid "incomplete" chant = 1 drink
Brady and/or Manning are compared to all-time greats = 1 drink for each player compared to
Jamie Collins makes a freakishly athletic play = 1 drink
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink
Julian Edelman breaks a tackle = 1 drink
Rob Gronkowski destroys someone/something = 1 drink
You're worried Edelman or Gronk is injured = half a beer
Gronk spikes something = finish your beer, spike empty can/bottle on ground (bonus points for glass bottles)
Manning says the name of a city besides Omaha = 2 drinks
Manning says the name of a state/province = 5 drinks
Manning says the name of a country = finish your beer
Manning seems to adjust the play = 1 drink
Commentators praise Manning for a good play call = 1 drink
Commentators avoid criticizing Manning for a bad play call = 1 drink
Broncos run the ball = 1 drink
Manning overthrows a receiver = 1 drink
Manning underthrows a receiver = 1 drink
Manning makes an accurate throw longer than 10 yards = half a beer
Manning fumbles or throws a pick = 1 shot of liquor
Commentators criticize Manning for a mistake (unlikely) = 1 entire beer, 2 shots of liquor
The commentators mention HGH (this will not happen) = drink all alcohol in the building by the end of the game, which will be extra rough in an apartment building or a bar, so feel free to take performance enhancing substances to help


So enjoy the game on the field between the Patriots and Broncos, as well as the game off the field between you and your liver. Make sure you have a path shoveled wide enough for the paramedics to carry you out on a stretcher.

Patriots-Giants drinking game: painful memories edition

One streak will end Sunday. Either the Patriots' 11-game winning streak, or Giants' 3-game winning streak against the Patriots.

Throughout the week, few people seemed to actually talk about this game in 2015, instead focusing on games played 4 and 8 years ago, by almost completely different sets of players. For the Patriots, this is a tough road game against a good opponent. And they probably won't make nervous mistakes like so many Pats' opponents have this season. Then again, a 5-4 record in the NFL this year isn't very impressive. Being slightly above average in an incredibly below average league is like repeating the 4th grade and then getting a B-. Who cares?

Speaking of who cares, who cares about my game analysis? Let's get to the drinking game!

The rules...

Anytime a commentator says:
"Super Bowl" = 1 drink of beer
"New York" = 1 drink
"Manning" = 1 drink
"Tom" = 1 drink
"Brady" = 1 drink
"Coughlin" = 1 drink
"Malcolm" = 1 drink
"Chandler" = 1 drink
"Tyree" = 1 drink
"Manningham" = 1 drink (plus the 1 drink for saying "Manning")
"Streak" = 1 drink
"Undefeated" = 1 drink
"18 and 1" = drink beer for 18 seconds, then drink 1 shot of liquor
"Pierre-Paul" = 1 drink
"Fireworks" = 1 drink


Anytime this is happens:
DraftKings or FanDuel commercial = 1 drink (not allowed to do so in New York)
Odell Beckham Jr. catches something with both hands = 1 drink
DeflateGate is mentioned = 1 drink
Shane Vereen catch or carry = 1 drink
Brandon Meriweather dirty play = 1 drink
Tom Brady takes longer than 2 seconds to get rid of the ball = 1 drink
Julian Edelman seems to get concussed = 1 drink
Rob Gronkowski breaks a tackle = 1 drink
Gronk scores a touchdown = finish your beer, spike the can/bottle (bonus points for spiking glass)
LeGarrette Blount breaks a 10+ yard run = 1 drink
Jamie Collins does something freakishly athletic = 1 drink
Chandler Jones records a sack = 1 drink
Touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff or punt return = drink for the duration of the return
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink


Anytime this is on screen:
Fall foliage = 1 drink, bonus points if it's pumpkin flavored
DraftKings logo = 1 drink
Highlights of a Super Bowl = drink for the duration of the highlight, then throw up if it was against the Giants
Roman numerals = 1 drink per set of numerals
Highlights of a Giants receiver making a ridiculous catch = drink entire beer, take a shot, snort a line of oxy
Clip of a former Patriots receiver named Wes dropping a catch = finish your beer, pop a Molly, and sign with the Rams
Bill Belichick as a NY Giants coach = drink a giant sized beer, like those Fosters beers
60 Minutes promo = 1 drink per clock tick
Jason Pierre-Paul's bandaged hand = 1 drink
Graphic about Pats' O-line injuries = 1 drink per injured player mentioned
A sign about DeflateGate = 1 drink
The New York skyline = 1 drink
The disgusting wastelands of north New Jersey = 1 drink
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink while he's talking

So enjoy the Pats-Giants game, get lubed up, and please don't play this drinking game because you'll probably die.

Patriots don't get revenge, but get a W and a few LOLs

It wasn't the embarrassing blowout that many Patriots fans had been hoping for and many sports pundits had predicted. But there's still embarrassment. There's still Tom Brady being amazing. There's still a Patriots win over the Colts.

You were never going to get "revenge" in this game, Pats fans. But the chance to reassert your superiority over the Colts while simultaneously laughing at their buffoonery carries with it a certain satisfaction.

The Patriots didn't let the hype around this game affect them. They played with focus and concentration. They made adjustments. They were patient. The Colts, on the other hand, played with too much urgency. They tried too hard to write the script of the game instead of just letting it happen. The fake punt Snapfu (term coined by Grantland's Bill Barnwell) was a perfect example of the Colts trying to force the game to play out a certain way. Just punt. Or fake.

Seriously, Pagano, you're going to go after the Patriots by trying to out-coach them? That was the "weakness" you attacked?

The Colts were able to keep this game close thanks to plays like Julian "Nine Fingers" Edelman bobbling a pass, giving Mike Adams an easy pick 6. Indy had a strong first drive as well, but even that series was a fraction of an inch away from ending with 0 points. It was a 21-20 Indy lead going into halftime, but at no point did the Colts have a firm grip on the game.

The Pats benefited from what was probably a bad call on an Indy onside kick. That was luck. What makes the good teams great is capitalizing on lucky bounces and calls. The Pats did that a few plays later when LeGarrette Blount ran for a 38-yard TD.

Danny Amendola had a big game, which was pivotal with Julian Edelman's bent pinkie finger. Edelman and Jamie Collins made the most athletic plays of the game, Edelman twisting inside defenders on a 4th down run, Collins leaping over a long-snapper to block a PAT.

And Tom Brady was Tom Brady. That interception that wasn't his fault was his first of the season. He was mobile inside the pocket, giving himself time to make plays. What continues to impress me the most about Brady is his inhuman ability to not be distracted by all the noise and the things that would affect normal human beings like us.

So the Indy game is over. And we're on to New York and the Jets. And it's for first place in the division. That's not a typo.

Patriots - Colts drinking game: DeflateGate Revenge Edition

It's time for revenge. Because somehow beating the Colts by 50+ points will make up for the months of misinformed "11 of 12 footballs being 2+ PSI under" bogus stories that the NFL leaked (what former Jets employees leaked, so the Day of Vengeance should be next Sunday when the Jets come to Gillette). Will beating the Colts by 7 touchdowns put all the BS back into the mouths of morons like Michael Felger? Will a thorough and complete beatdown of the Colts atone for the lack of fact-checking by ESPN and the rest of the sports media, and the subsequent lack of apology for being completely wrong, and allowing themselves to be used as the propaganda arm of the NFL?

No.

This game isn't about revenge. It's about winning, and winning against a team you have comprehensively dominated for years. And if it's a win by 1 point, I think that'd be so much better than winning by 50. It would be more heart-breaking, more of a tease. Furthermore, it would also trick the Colts into thinking that they're close to the Patriots, just a few minor adjustments away from being contenders. That kind of false hope is priceless, and would be a true revenge. Let them think they're close so they don't fire their horrible GM or their foolish head coach, and don't tell Andrew Luck to stop turning the ball over. So while part of me wants this to be a 50+ point slaughter, part of me also wants this to be a closely fought struggle. Just to fool the Colts that they're in the Patriots' league. False hope is true torture.

Anyway, here's a drinking game you can play during the football game. Please make sure you do two things before playing this: #1. call out of work on Monday because you'll be quite incapacitated. #2. Put your last will and testament in order, because it will be needed.

The rules of the game (which must be strictly adhered to, or players will be suspended for 4 weeks, and there will be a loss of draught picks, which means you won't be able to pick which beer you drink)...

Anytime a commentator says...
"Deflate" or any form of the word - take 1 drink of beer
A word that ends with "-Gate" - take 1 drink of beer
Something about DeflateGate without saying "deflate" - drink for 12.5 seconds
"Air" = 1 drink
"Pressure" = 1 drink
"Goodell" = 1 drink
"Indianapolis" = 1 drink
"AFC" = 1 drink
"Championship" = 1 drink
"Revenge" = 1 drink
"Brady" = 1 drink
"Gronk" = 1 drink
"Luck" = 1 drink
A stupid pun and/or play on words involving the word "luck" (e.g. "luck of the draw," if the Colts run a QB draw) = 1 shot of hard liquor
"Al" = 1 drink
"C(h)ris" = 1 drink
"Bob" = 1 drink
"Michele" = 1 drink
"D'Qwell" = 1 drink, 1 shot of Nyquil


Anytime this happens...
The Patriots score = drink for as many seconds as the Patriots have points (you must also drink after PATs)
A DraftKings or FanDuel commercial = take 1 drink
Air pressure is mentioned = drink 11 of 12 ounces of beer
A penalty = 1 drink
Tom Brady points out the "mike" = 1 drink, bonus points for drinking from Mike's Hard Lemonade
Brady says all or part of "Alpha Milk" = 1 drink, bonus points for drinking a White Russian
Brady holds the ball for longer than 2 seconds = 1 drink
Rob Gronkowski throws somebody out of the club = finish your beer
Gronk scores = 1 drink
Gronk spikes = finish your beer, then spike the container (bonus points for spiking glass bottles/mugs)
Jamie Collins makes a big play = 1 drink
Julian Edelman makes a guy miss = 1 drink
Dion Lewis makes a guy miss = 1 drink
The Patriots run for 5+ yards = 1 drink
Kick or punt return = drink during entire return
Touchback = 1 drink
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink
Andrew Luck turnover = 1 whole beer


Anytime this is on screen...
A banner =  1 drink per banner (this will be a lot of drinking)
The number 12 (on jerseys, scoreboards, clocks, graphics, etc.) = 1 drink
Highlights from previous Pats/Colts games = 1 shot of liquor
Peyton Manning = drink for 18 seconds
Rodney Harrison = drink for 37 seconds
Ty Law = drink for 24 seconds
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink the entire time he's talking
Jim Irsay = 1 drink (please don't drive)
A shot of footballs and/or ball boys = 1 shot
Ernie Adams = drink a bottle of wine by the time the game ends

So enjoy the game, get lubed up responsibly, don't drink and drive, don't complain about air pressure unless you understand the basic laws of physics.

Patriots-Steelers drinking game: Super Bowl banner and NFL kickoff edition

It's here! Actual football returns! Finally when we see "Patriots vs." or "Tom Brady vs." it won't be describing a court case. Instead of cross examinations, it's now time for crossing routes. Instead of filing motions, we'll have receivers in motion.


Here's a drinking game to play while enjoying the Patriots begin their title defense against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Enjoy the game, do your job, and get lubed up responsibly (which means you should not, under any circumstances, actually play this game)...


Anytime a commentator says...
"Champions" = take 1 drink of beer, and let out a satisfied sigh
"Super Bowl" = 1 drink
"Banner" = 1 drink
"Ring(s)" = 1 drink
"4-time" = 4 drinks
"Do your job" = finish your beer
"Brady" = drink for 12 seconds
"Butler" = drink for 21 seconds
Any form of the word "win" or "winner" = 1 drink
"ESPN" or "Chris Mortensen" = drink 11 of 12 beers in a 12-pack
"Air pressure" or "PSI" = drink for 12.5 seconds
Anything about court cases = drink loudly enough to drown them out
Any word ending in "-gate" = 1 drink
"Suspended" = 1 drink, bonus points for smoking a blunt if they mention LeGarrette Blount
"Season" = 1 drink
"We're on to..." = 1 shot of liquor


Anytime this happens...
Touchback = 1 drink
Kick or punt return = drink for the duration of the return
Gronkowski scores a TD = finish your beer, spike the can/bottle (bonus points for spiking glass bottles)
Brady throws to someone besides Edelman or Gronk = 1 drink
They actually catch the ball = 1 drink
The Patriots go no huddle = 1 drink per snap
Brady says "Alpha milk" = 1 drink, bonus points if you're drinking a White Russian
Brady points out the "Mike" = 1 drink, bonus points if you're drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade (only if you're a girl, deduct points if you're a guy)
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink
Jerod Mayo makes a big play = 1 drink, 1 shot of mayonnaise
The Patriots give up a 10+ yard pass play in soft zone coverage = 1 drink
You think Roethlisberger will be sacked but he escapes = 1 drink
You miss Vince Wilfork = 1 drink, 1 shot, eat a turkey leg


Anytime this is on screen...
Roger Goodell at Gillette Stadium = HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
A shot of footballs and/or ball boys = 1 shot of liquor
Highlights of Super Bowl 49 = finish your beer
Highlights of another Super Bowl (including Pittsburgh's SBs) = drink an entire beer
A Lombardi Trophy = 1 drink per trophy
A Super Bowl ring = 1 drink per ring
A banner = 1 drink per banner
A sign about Brady and/or Goodell = 1 drink
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Bob Kraft talking to someone = drink the entire time he's talking
Ernie Adams = drink a bottle of wine by the end of the game
The number 12 (including scoreboard and graphics) = 1 drink
A graphic of playoff/championship stats (for the Pats or Steelers) = 1 drink


Bonus drinking game rule:
Every time Tom Brady takes the field, remember that Roger Goodell and the NFL wanted him banned for this game as well as the next three. So raise your drink, say a toast to Tom, and a big "Fuck you" to Goodell.

Tom Brady freed, Judge Berman did his job

Tom Brady is one of the best players in NFL history. And now he's defeated the NFL in court (in the court the NFL chose). Although it's more accurate to say that the NFL defeated itself.

Some of the key points Judge Berman made in his decision are:

That Brady was never given notice that "general awareness" of football deflation and/or not cooperating with an investigation would result in a 4-game suspension.

That during the appeal process, Brady's camp was never given access to Jeff Pash.

That steroid usage was not comparable to general awareness of ball deflation.

Judge Berman started this appeal proceeding by forcing the NFL to shed its cloak of BS arguments for suspending Brady. What the League was ultimately left with was relying on its near absolute authority to discipline players, granted to the League by the CBA. But with that authority must come responsibility to do that fairly and consistently. Which the NFL didn't do. The League didn't notify players that they might be suspended for a quarter of the season for such a transgression. And the League didn't adhere to its own process when it denied Brady's lawyers the chance to question Jeff Pash.

From the genesis of DeflateGate, the NFL has changed its reasoning for investigating/punishing Brady. At first it was his general awareness, then his lack of cooperation. Then the destruction of his phone was the impetus behind suspending Brady. And in front of Judge Berman, the NFL decided to equate its PED policy with its new PSI policy, and also claim they had absolute power to discipline players.

Their lack of consistency ultimately cost them this case.

Roger Goodell and the NFL did more to lose this than Pete Carroll did to lose the Super Bowl.

Goodell and Mike Kensil were vindictive against the Patriots. But it was Tom Brady who has been vindicated.

Patriots-Packers drinking game: Thirsty Thursday pre-season opener edition

We're finally going to see football players on a football field instead of appearing in a court room. And even though the first pre-season game doesn't mean much, it's still football. And it will still be the Super Bowl Champions taking the field.

So here's a drinking game that will help you pass out before all the starters are taken out of the game. And if you actually play this game, you'll be on to alcohol poison, the emergency room, and then the morgue. Here it is...

Anytime a commentator says...
"Deflate" = take 1 drink of beer
"Gate" = 1 drink
"Wells" = 1 drink
"Goodell" = 1 drink
"PSI" = 1 drink
"Pressure" = 1 drink
"Court" = 1 drink
"Appeal" = 1 drink
"Mortensen tweet" = drink 11 of 12 beers in a 12 pack
"Suspension" = drink a mixed drink (a.k.a. a suspension, for you science nerds out there)
"Garoppolo" = 1 drink
"Pre-season" = 1 drink
"Incomplete" = 1 drink


Anytime this happens...
Touchback = 1 drink
Kick return = drink until the return is over
Turnover = finish your beer
The Patriots go no huddle = 1 drink per snap
A Patriots player you don't know touches the ball = 1 drink
An announcer is unsure of a player's name = 1 shot of liquor
Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady are compared = drink until it stops
You think you saw Vince Wilfork, but you didn't = finish your beer, drink a shot, eat a turkey leg
The announcers stop talking about what's happening in the game = 1 drink


Anytime this is on screen...
A shot of a football or footballs = 1 shot of liquor
A ballboy = 1 drink
Bill Belichick = 1 drink
Tom Brady = drink for 12 seconds
The number 12 (including graphics) = 1 drink
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink the entire time he's talking
The words "Free Brady" = 1 drink
Any sign or shirt with a hashtag on it = 1 drink
The Lombardi Trophy = 1 drink per trophy
A ring = 1 drink per ring


Bonus Obscure Player Scavenger Hunt!!!
Drink every time these players are spotted on the field. And the first to announce they've spotted them also has the authority to dispense drink commands to others until the next player is spotted. And just like discipline in the NFL, appealing these drink commands is futile. So here are the players to watch for...

Offense:
Jonathan Krause, #16 - WR
Shaq Mason, #69 - OL
Tyler Gaffney, #36 - RB

Defense:
Geneo Grissom, #48 - listed at DL but played some TE in college
Dax Swanson, #25 - DB
Xzavier Dickson (not a typo), #42 - LB

So there you go! Get lubed up responsibly folks!

When idiots conspire: How the meatheads running the NFL sabotaged their own conspiracy to hurt the Patriots

DeflateGate. Like Brett Favre, every time this story seems about to go away, it comes back.

The more we learn about DeflateGate, the clearer it becomes that high ranking NFL officials were hell bent on crucifying the Patriots. But they were careless and stupid with their conspiracy. And they underestimated the willingness of one man to fight; one of the most competitive and mentally toughest athletes in the history of sports: Tom Brady.

The false details in the Mortensen tweet launched this story into orbit. Despite pleas from the Patriots, the NFL didn't correct the leak. They allowed inaccurate information to be the basis of the biggest sports story of the year. The true pressure measurements were revealed 106 days later in the Wells Report.

But whoever leaked the inaccurate details to Mortensen, and whoever decided not to correct them, should have known that at some point the truth would come out. And people would ask questions about the NFL's motives behind the leak and their decision not to correct it.

The Mortensen tweet has become irrelevant as evidence against the Patriots. But in the case against the NFL, it's Exhibit A.

Why fill the Wells Report with so much shoddy science and desperately convoluted logic? The Wells-Pash Report didn't make the NFL's case, it undermined it. For example, referee Walt Anderson's recollection of which pressure gauge he used pre-game, was refuted based on a shaky scientific argument that relied on Anderson's recollection of the Colts' balls' pre-game pressures. So Anderson's memory was deemed unlikely to be true, based on the reliability of his memory. Why allow that to be published?

The Wells Report was never about finding truth, it was about finding guilt. It didn't make the case against the Patriots or Brady, it helped start the case against the NFL.

The League's motives in DeflateGate became clear when the Patriots and Tom Brady were severely punished. The team in part for previous rules violations (SpyGate). And Brady for being "generally aware," and for not handing over his cell phone.

Did Troy Vincent and the NFL do any research into their own precedents? Didn't they remember Brett Favre being fined $50k in 2010 for not turning over his cell phone? Or 2009 when a Jets equipment staffer was suspended for tampering with a kicking ball, but the kicker wasn't punished at all, or even investigated?

Why was the NFL so harsh with the punishments? Imagine if the NFL had just fined Brady. This story might have gone to sleep long ago. But just fining Brady was unacceptable. Why?

The motives for harshness and revenge against the Patriots are abundant. Goodell wanted to rebuild his reputation as League Sheriff. Former Jets president Mike Kensil's motives are obvious. The Ravens were infuriated about ineligible receivers the week prior. A number of other teams think the Patriots are pathological cheaters. Supported by a handful of owners, the same executives who leaked fake air pressures to Mortensen were likely the same people who pressured for and had the power to enforce the harshest possible punishment.

Brady became the scapegoat. The NFL needed a specific villain to blame. Witch hunts need a witch. Pinning such a huge scandal on two no-name team employees wouldn't satisfy.

Brady was singled out because he was mentioned in texts. Because he refused to hand over his phone. And if he appealed, the NFL knew they could have their Meathead in Chief Goodell hear the appeal and then deny it. So he'd be compelled to settle (and admit guilt) or go all the way to Court.

This was their opportunity to sink their teeth in. So they did. Revenge, paranoia, reputation, all motives were satisfied by the severe punishments.

The NFL thought Patriots would accept it. And they were right about that. Bob Kraft accepted the loss of draft picks and the $1 million fine. Kraft's only recourse was to sue the League, and Goodell correctly predicted that Kraft wouldn't.

But the NFL miscalculated when they messed with Tom Brady. Big time. They completely underestimated him. Which is their most monumental mistake in this comedy of errors. Many have underestimated Tom Brady. And he's proven them all wrong.

The NFL execs and owners behind this conspiracy didn't plan this through. They didn't realize that false information leaked out would one day be proven false. They didn't realize that the bad science and flimsy logic of the Wells Report would be used more often as evidence against the NFL as opposed to evidence against Tom Brady.

And they didn't realize that a 6th round draft pick out of Michigan who fought and won a roster spot, then fought his way up a depth chart, then fought and won 4 Super Bowls, would fight and be able to beat them.