Patriots-Falcons Drinking Game: Sunday Night Football Edition

Before we go over the rules of the drinking game, I have a thought on tonight's football game: Don't get overly enthusiastic about a win, or overly depressed by a loss. Think of the football season as a semester in college. It's still early. This game is a good test for the Patriots, but it's just one test. In school you don't get an A just by acing one test. Nor do you flunk by getting just one F. This is a midterm exam, not a final.

To the lubing up...

Anytime a commentator says...
"Dome" = 1 drink from a beer
"Dome team" = 2 drinks
"Loud" or "Noisy" = 1 drink
"Wes Welker" = 1 drink
"Vick" = drink for 7 seconds
"High octane" = 5 drinks
"No huddle" = 1 drink
"Length" (when referring to armspan) = 1 drink
"This guy" or "Here's a guy" = 1 drink
"Test" = 1 drink
"Early" = 1 drink
"Matty Ice" = drink a scotch on the rocks
An abbreviation for Michael Hoomanawanui's last name = 1 drink

Anytime this is on screen...
Matt Ryan's regular season stats = drink for 2 seconds
Matt Ryan's playoff stats/record = drink for 20 seconds
Matt Ryan playing for Boston College = drink for 2 minutes
An angry Tom Brady = drink for 12 seconds
Healthy Rob Gronkowski = 1 drink
Sidelined Rob Gronkowski = finish beer, spike empty can Gronk style
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink the entire time he's talking
Bill Belichick's sock(s) = drink an entire beer and a shot

Anytime this happens...
You yawn = mix Red Bull with liquor, 1 drink for the first yawn, 2 for the second, and so on
John Gruden makes himself laugh = 1 drink
Gruden makes a homoerotic remark about a football player's body, or a part of his body = 1 drink
Gruden compares a player's body or part(s) to an inanimate object (e.g. a fire hydrant) = 1 drink
Tom Brady yells "Aplha Milk" = 1 White Russian
Brady points out the "Mike" = 1 drink (or 3 drinks from Mike's Hard Lemonade for bonus points)
Patriots WR runs wrong route = 1 drink
Patriots WR drops pass = 1 drink
Brady throws to a tight-end (excluding Gronk) = 1 shot of liquor
Patriots force a turnover = 1 shot
Vince Wilfork forces or recovers a turnover = 1 whole beer, 1 shot
Wilfork returns a turnover for a TD = 1 whole beer, 1 shot, 1 pound of wings... Falcon wings
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Actual kickoff return = drink during entire return
Rob Gronkowski gets seriously injured = drink until you can't feel feelings, then call sports radio

Enjoy the game, and please get lubed up responsibly.

Patriots Continue to Survive

In retrospect, the Patriots had every edge coming into this game. They had extra time off. They're familiar with the Buccaneers after practicing with them and playing them in preseason. Josh Freeman is a negative player at quarterback and probably won't be QB for much longer. Even the weather cooperated by kickoff and gave the Pats a nice day, with no rain-assisted random turnovers or slips.

The offense still looks like a pickup game that's been thrown together at the last minute. The lack of healthy ball-catching talent (BCT) on this team has tested Josh McDaniels, and so far he's barely passing. He was an apparent genius in 2007 when he had Brady throwing to Moss, Welker, Stallworth, and Kevin Faulk. Anyone could have coordinated that Madden offense to break records. 2013 has been much more challenging.

If this were a college course, I'd recommend McDaniels take it pass/fail, because his grade will just hurt his GPA. It's not, and the offense will need to do more than barely pass for this team to succeed. It is still only September. Super Bowls aren't won in September, just regular season games. And all this team wanted to do was survive the early season until injured players like Gronkowski returned.

The defense continues to look sharp. You can tell how much faith Belichick had in the defense (at least when they're playing against the Buccaneers offense) when the Patriots offense went for it on 4th and 2 in the 2nd quarter. Even if the Pats didn't get it, Belichick trusted his defense to hold the Buccs.

Fourth down decided this game. Tampa Bay went for it on 4th down 4 times and failed each time. The Pats converted a 4th and 2 then scored to go up 7-3, then the defense stopped Tampa on 4th down, then the Pats scored on their next possession, then an Aqib Talib interception set up a field goal and it was 17-3 Pats. If the Pats don't convert their 4th down and the Buccs convert theirs, then the halftime score might have been 10-0 or 10-3 Buccaneers. The Patriots offense couldn't put any drives together in the second half, so that 2nd quarter stretch of scoring won the game for them.

The rushing offense wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. It was certainly better than it was against the Jets. And that made a difference in the 4th. On one drive LaGarrette Blount rushed 8 times (6 in a row) for 56 yards. The drive drained 4:41 of clock and sealed the game. Somewhere Corey Dillon was smiling.

Brandon Bolden also had a big game with 100 total yards, most of which came in a 46 yard reception.

Brady spread the ball around like he used to (was forced to) back before 2007. Six different Pats caught receptions, 8 were targeted. Michael Hoomanawanui caught 2 passes, bringing the catch total for Patriots tight-ends up to 3 for 35 yards. To put that in perspective, Patriots RBs have caught 14 passes for 119 yards this season. Brady doesn't even look at tight-ends anymore. Only 7 targets between Hooman and Zach Sudfeld in 3 games.

Before the season started we just wanted the Pats to survive the first few weeks without Gronkowski. They've done that so far. Four of their next 6 games are against tougher opponents, but they also play the Jets and Steelers. The team is doing what they need to do at this time of year, in this situation. And they could quite conceivably go into the bye week with a 7-2 or 6-3 record. I'll take that given the circumstances.

Next week it's Sunday Night Football in Atlanta.

Photo Credit:
Brad Penner - USA Today

Tim Thomas Invited to Try Out for Panthers

It might be a perfect match for Thomas and for the Panthers. Thomas wants back in the NHL, the Panthers could use a veteran goalie to bolster 23-year-old starter Jacob Markstrom. Timmy will practice with the Panthers today after being offered a PTO contract (professional try out). He'll have competition, though. The Panthers also invited Tom Gilbert. Gilbert is 30-years-old, and he actually played in the NHL last year.

I'd like to see Thomas succeed. He's still one of my favorite Boston athletes of all time, up there with Pedro and Brady. He's a weirdo. And speaking as a Conservative, even I find his political views to be strange. And I don't care. I didn't like Thomas because of his politics, or even his personality. I liked him for his hockey playing, for the difficulty of his path to success, and for what he did for my favorite team.

And if Thomas makes the Panthers, he'll be in the same division as the Bruins. The B's will play Florida 5 times this season, with the first home game against them on November 7th.

Would Thomas get booed or cheered? I hope he'd get cheered. I understand why people don't like how he left Boston, but I can't understand people disliking him overall just because of that. The Bruins were trying to trade him, yet fans demand that he show loyalty to a team that's seeking to send him elsewhere? Do these unreasonable fans still hang on to their grudge?

People never really loved Thomas in this town. They liked him when he won the Vezina in 2009. When Rask put a few good games together in 2010, however, it became Tuukka Time. Fans liked Thomas again during the 2011 playoffs. Then a year later accused him and his political beliefs of being a distraction and disrupting team chemistry in a locker room full of Canadians. And as soon as he wasn't winning Vezinas and Conn Smythes, the team was ready to get rid of him. And so were the fans. Until Thomas wanted to get rid of himself. That, for some reason, was unacceptable, and that's when people who didn't love Thomas wanted him to stay, and were enraged when he didn't.

I'll always remember Joe Haggerty calling Colorado "more politically conservative" than Massachusetts in his article about Thomas and his family moving there. Obama won Colorado twice and the state recently legalized marijuana. Haggerty and others couldn't resist repeating the political storyline, even when it wasn't there (Although I'd agree that CO is more conservative than MA, then again EVERY state except for Vermont is more conservative than MA).

Back to hockey, I wouldn't be shocked if Thomas loses to Gilbert. Gilbert played 43 games last year. He's younger. Then again Thomas might have lower contract demands. Maybe the Panthers want a backup goalie who will also act like a coach to Markstrom, and not competition for his job. And if there's one thing I've learned from Thomas' career path, is that when he's doubted the most, he performs the best.

Johnny Manziel Not an NFL Quarterback

Johnny Manziel dazzles on the field with brilliant performances, like his 5 touchdown, 562 total yard game against Alabama. He's probably the most exciting player in college football, and he deserved the Heisman he won last year as the best player. However, I have yet to see anything that makes me think he'll have any measure of success in the NFL.

He has a strong arm. Great. There have been countless strong armed QBs who have failed miserably in the NFL. Manziel possesses the physical talents of an NFL QB. And he can even run, which is a bonus. Although he's also short (listed at 6' 1" but I'm not so sure about that). So that scram-bility is countered by the inability to see the field when surrounded by the behemoths of the NFL.

The height issue is minor, so forget about that. After all, Michael Vick is 6' and he's done okay in the NFL.

When I see Manziel make plays against college players, like he did against 'Bama this past weekend, I see a scrambler who takes advantage of defenses that don't contain the edge. Those reverse-field lanes won't be open for Manziel in the NFL. Bigger, faster, smarter defensive players will keep him much more contained than college defenses.

I see Manziel throwing a jump ball to 6' 5" Mike Evans, who is in single coverage against a small CB who doesn't have the awareness to turn around and play the ball. Corners who are that vulnerable are rarities in the NFL. Even the small ones know when to turn and jump to disrupt the play.

Then there's his decision-making. He seems more interested in making the big flashy play and not the smart play. Here's a highlight-reel throw that only he could make:

That's a great play, but a horrible decision. In a 14-14 game you blindly heave a ball downfield? You risk a turnover (and a return) just for a first down?

It worked, but I wasn't impressed. It reminded me of Brett Favre at his most moronic. And then seeing how impressed Manziel was with himself at making a lucky play, that revealed a great deal about Manziel's personality. What showed even more of that personality was his end zone interception 4 plays later, when he tried to make the difficult-but-amazing play instead of the easy play that was open.

Not only is Manziel willing to take stupid risks, he actively seeks them. Because that's how he gratifies himself. He builds his ego by taking risks and making big, flashy plays. He's cocky, not confident. Confidence withstands adversity, cockiness constantly seeks justification.

His off-field decision making is also questionable. I don't care about the partying or the sex or the drinking. If I were the QB at A&M, I'd be enjoying my share of T&A as well. But Manziel publicizes it. He revels in it. He broadcasts what he does. And that's not a desirable trait.

What motivates him to be so public about his private life?

Then there's his exit to the Manning Passing Academy. I don't care about his going out in New Orleans and drinking. Again, it's his life, live it up. But if you commit to something, then do it. He committed to an off-season academy and didn't follow through. And if you want to go out and party, then get away with it. Don't put yourself in a position to get caught. He was an idiot for thinking he'd get away with it.

As much as other athletes like Gronkowski party, they don't let it impact their commitments. Manziel is more like a Tyler Seguin type. He can't put the partying on hold, even for a few days. It's part of the massive ego he's built. And when criticized or questioned, he becomes spiky and defensive of his lifestyle.

For now, his on-field performances make his off-field activities a moot point. But at some point he will want to join the NFL. He will have to take that leap that all college players take. He'll go from being the big fish in the small pond to the minnow in the ocean.

How will he adjust? What will challenge him to make himself better? Guys like Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, and Aaron Rodgers all found a challenge that they used as motivation. Peyton was challenged by his family, Brady by his 6th round selection, Rodgers by being stuck behind Favre.

The QBs that fail in the NFL are the ones that don't face challenges. They cruise on talent and standard levels of effort. Then they get to the League, and they get baffled by the challenge. They have no idea how to approach it. Ryan Leaf, Mark Sanchez, Matt Leinart, Joey Harrington, etc.

Johnny Manziel lives in a world in which he is the center, he is the best, and everything he does is right. That works for him at A&M. And it works for the Aggies. However, that kind of attitude doesn't work for a rookie QB in the NFL.

I'd prefer AJ McCarron, who is more confident than cocky. Who looks for the smart play not the big play. Who has been challenged by Nick Saban to be the best he can be for the best team in the country. I'd give Manziel another Heisman over McCarron, I'd draft McCarron over Manziel.

But if the NFL doesn't pan out for Manziel, maybe he and Tim Tebow could star in an Odd Couple reality show. Maybe one week Tebow could bring Manziel to church on Sunday morning and the next week Manziel could bring Tebow to a club until 4 AM and have a drunken orgy with a group of Swedish exchange students. We can call the show Holy and Horny: The Heisman Homies.

Jarome Iginla Scores Twice in Preseason Win

What a short off-season. After so many Lockouts, I've forgotten that hockey generally starts in the early autumn. Even earlier when there's an 18 day break in February for the Olympics.

I don't think you can learn much more from a preseason hockey game as you can a preseason football or spring training baseball game. The Canadiens started Carey Price, and most of their top defensemen. But obviously the matchups and intensity you'd experience in a regular season game were absent.

Jarome Iginla looked sharp. He scored two goals, once on the power play. For the PP goal he drifted into a soft pocket of the Montreal zone. Lucic passed wing-to-wing and Iginla had time and space to beat Price. That ability to find scoring areas BEFORE they become scoring areas is a trademark of a great scorer. And he finished both goals with expert precision and power. It's nice to finally have him in Boston.

Nick Johnson scored two goals. One was more Carey Price letting a puck slip through him. Or maybe the reduced pad-sizes mandated by the NHL was the culprit. Johnson's second goal was more impressive. He blocked a shot, broke away, tried Price's 5 hole, was denied, then showed some nice hands to beat Price at the post.

I wasn't impressed with goalie Chad Johnson, who all expect to be Tuukka Rask's backup this season. Johnson didn't glove a puck he should have had, which resulted in a goal shortly thereafter. P.K. Subban's high slot shot was too fast for Johnson to react to, even though he had a clear view and should anticipate that shot from Subban all the time. And he couldn't squeeze his pads together quick enough on the third goal he allowed.

Backup goalies aren't the most important thing in the world, but if Rask is forced to play 75 games because of a crap backup, or if Rask gets hurt and has to miss a week or two, that's when you need a backup goalie who won't give up soft goals like Johnson did last night.

Malcolm Subban looked okay, but inexperienced. He got a penalty for handling the puck outside of the trapezoid. Which demonstrates just how raw he is. Another year in Juniors will do him well.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/The Canadian Press, Graham Hughes

Red Sox Eliminate Yankees from Division Race

I completely forgot that when Clay Buchholz got hurt he was 9-0 with a phenomenal ERA. He's now 11-0. If he can pitch up to his capability in October, then the Red Sox have a formidable and deep rotation.

He got better as the game progressed. He struggled with his control at the start, but recovered. He only allowed 2 hits and an "unearned" run (he made the error that led to the run) in his 6 innings. The fact that he maintained strength deep into the game is very promising.

And the offense took advantage of Ivan Nova, who looks like a completely different person from August. The Sox, particularly Daniel Nava, brutalized him in 4 innings. Nava was 4 for 5 with a pair of doubles.

Mike Napoli hit a long homerun to straight away center. His 22nd of the season and 7th against the Yankees this year. His 89 RBI are second best on the team, only 5 behind Ortiz, who also knocked in 2 last night.

The 9-2 victory eliminated the Yankees from the AL East race. The Sox are 1 win away from eliminating the Orioles. The Magic Number to win the division is 4. And the Magic Number to clinch a playoff spot is 3. I did not think I would be discussing Magic Numbers this year.

Speaking of the O's, they'll be in town starting Tuesday night. Ryan Dempster faces 12-10 Scott Feldman. Mike Napoli crushes this guy (11 for 26 with 2 homers), and the Sox generally do well against him. Dempster has been better than decent against the O's this season.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Steven Senne

Patriots Worry Everyone by Going 2-0

The Patriots have won two ugly games in a row. Thursday night the offense hiccuped and sputtered like an old car engine. Multiple drops by Dobson, the running game failed, only 9 first downs, 8 for 14 on 3rd downs, 0 for 3 in the Red Zone. What was once the best unit on the team is now the worst.

I'm going to be positive. Mainly because these two games have been entertaining. They haven't been like comedy movies (like last year's hit Butt Fumble starring Mark Sanchez), they've been more like horror thrillers. They've been scary to watch at times, but you can't look away until you see the ending. Thankfully the main characters live in the end. Except Danny Amendola, he had to sacrifice himself in Week 1 so that Brady could make the sequel.

And on the bright side, the defense played phenomenally Thursday night. It was the type of defensive performance fans have been clamoring for.

When did Pats fans stop enjoying wins and demand only flawless victories? Since when has anything short of a 38-3 win become unacceptable? To quote Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, when did you become so joyless?

Have fun with these nail-biters. It's football season, it's Week 2, and a win is a win is a win.

And you people have been pining for the defense to win games, just like 2003 and 2004. Now that they've done so you want to complain about it? I know the Jets aren't an impressive team to shut down. They're a joke. They purposely went without a punt returner. Twice. But seriously, folks, the defense did a great job Thursday night. Be thankful for it.

The defense made 3 picks, recovered a fumble, and sacked Geno Smith 4 times. And all 4 of those sacks were big situations. There were also 7 tackles for a loss. The Patriots offense sucked, the defense needed to be great, and they answered the call. That's a good sign. That's a really good sign.

We got spoiled with the "high octane" offense of 2007 to 2012, and so did Tom Brady. I know Aaron Dobson's drops would drive any man insane. However, Brady's screaming and histrionics verged on Peyton Manning levels of emotional over-expression. I don't want to see him develop a bad case of Manning Face.

I know the offense sucks and that's something to be concerned about as the schedule grows more difficult. When Gronkowski comes back the Red Zone offense should dramatically improve. Aaron Dobson will either improve or be cut (3 catches Thursday night, from 10 targets, that says it all). Julian Edelman looked great. Losing Vereen hurts the running game as well as the passing game.

The Patriots played without their best receiver, tight-end, and running back last night. And they won. The defense stepped up and made big plays. We've been waiting FOR YEARS to see that. And now when it's finally happened, everyone seems to be panicking. Get over it, enjoy the ride.

Buccaneers come to town a week from Sunday.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Elise Amendola

Ugly, Ugly, Ugly

Photo Credit:

AP Photo - Bill Wippert

I honestly have no idea how to start writing about this game. It would take the talent and skill of William Shakespeare to truly express, in words, how grotesquely ugly this game was for the Patriots. And yet they won. They've had ugly wins before, particularly against Buffalo, and particularly in September. And we tend to forget them so long as the next game is on the attractive side. Hopefully we'll forget this one soon, like a regrettable drunken night during which many mistakes were made.

So I'll accentuate the positive first, then address the negatives that ABSOLUTELY MUST be corrected, then finish with a conclusion like "Week 1's goodness, badness, and ugliness only matter if they extend into Week 2."

Danny Amendola earned the respect of New England in this game. He might have a fragile, injury-prone body, but he's not frail. He's not J.D. Drew. He pushed himself through pain as Brady's go-to guy, and had a huge game. Julian Edelman got the TDs, but Amendola seemed to have every big catch in every crucial situation. When Brady needed a play, he went to Amendola.

Shane Vereen started the day as a backup and finished as a starter. He ran the ball 14 times for 101 yards. And he didn't fumble. He also caught 7 passes for 58 yards. And didn't fumble. He also held onto the ball. And he didn't let the ball go. Zero was the number of fumbles he had.

The Patriots lost a lot of pass reception production when Woodhead left (which we forget about with the departure of Welker, the incarceration of Hernandez, and the injury to Gronkowski). If Vereen can provide a chunk of that production, it would take pressure off replacement receivers and tight-ends.

Kyle Arrington was the defensive star, forcing some fumbles. Without the big plays made by Amendola, Vereen, or Arrington, the Patriots lose and lose badly. Really, really badly.

By the same token, without all the mistakes Buffalo made, the Patriots lose and lose badly. All the penalties and turnovers killed Buffalo's momentum whenever it was starting to build. Buffalo did their best to make this an easy Patriots win. The Pats did all they could to make it difficult.

Ball control issues plague Stevan Ridley and have for years. It's one thing when Brady fumbles a QB/Center exchange. That's a one in a million miscue that could happen to anyone at anytime. Ridley has a trend of fumbling, and history seems to be repeating itself.

The rookie pass catchers looked like rookies. Kenbrell Thompkins made a sideline catch but couldn't get two feet down. It was a catch in college, not the NFL. He also didn't realize how much space he had in the back of the end zone and went out of bounds. It was a touchdown in the CFL not in the NFL. Zach Sudfeld stumbled on a route then couldn't haul in a Brady pass, which turned into an INT. Gronkowski's giant bear claw hands (which are just as sticky as bear claws) would have enveloped the ball, Sudfeld instead batted it to a defender.

Maybe these things get better as the season progresses, maybe not. They'd better.

It's a short turnaround against the Jets. Not much time to dwell on mistakes, which maybe is a good thing. Maybe the team can get back out there on Thursday and play a cleaner game. Sort of like giving the ball to a runningback the first offensive play after he fumbles. Get back on the horse and what have you.