Nicknames: Pitchers

It's that time of year again. Time to come up with new nicknames for the new players, new ones for old players, and to remind people of the old nicknames. In the past 2 years, my nicknames have usually been negative because we were losers the year before. This year, however, I think they'll be a good amount of positive ones with a few negatives thrown in. For now, I'm just doing the pitchers, I'll do the position players next time.

Honest Abe Alvarez
Duh, allusion to Abe Lincoln, 16th president. I don't expect Alvarez to reuinte any countries but it would be nice if he could excel at AAA Pawtucket

Bronson No Cornrowyo
I miss the cornrows

Matt the Missile Clement
His name is kind of like Clemens's and Roger was the Rocket so why can't Matt be the Missile?

Manny Numero Dos (Manny Delcarmen)
I doubt Delcarmen will ever be referred to by his first name in this organization for a few years at least. Another possiiblity would be Manny II, or El otro Manny.

Lenny DinATO
Lenny is a member of my friend's frat (Alpha Tau Omega) and people often forget to pronounce the "r" in his name and turn the "d" into a "t" sound.

Lefty Embree
If you need help with this one, you probably don't watch much baseball. It's not original but he's the best lefthanded reliever on the team.

Keith "Beat the Traffic" Foulke
When he comes in, you can probably feel safe to leave the ballpark to beat the traffic because the game is most likely over.

John Halamanamalamana
Anyone who listens to WEEI's Big Show knows that Pete Shepherd has trouble pronouncing names and John Halama was no exception.

McCoy Stadium Kim
The only time BH Kim is going to see Fenway this year is if he buys tickets on a Paw Sox of day.

Sleepy Mark Malaska
Anyone who has seen Eight Men Out knows who Sleepy Bill Burns was and if you don't know, he was a mediocre pitcher whose biggest claim to fame was being involved in the 1919 Black Sox scandal. Mark Malaska just screams mediocrity and that leads to sleepiness, hence the name.

The Only Martinez (Anastacio Martinez)
Since Pedro left, Anastacio is the closest thing we have to him. We should get Ramon Martinez to be a coach or something.

Luis "Thank God it isn't Ramiro" Mendoza
The name says it all. Thank God the embedded Yankee is gone. And guess who signed Ramiro to a minor league deal? The New York Yankees. Hmmmmmmmmm. Interesting.

Christ Schilling
I don't beleive in God, but I do beleive in Curt Schilling. The man came to Boston and went through alot of suffering to deliver us from the Curse. And now, a short prayer to Curt:

Our pitcher, who lives in Dover.
Hallowed be thy arm
Thy fastball come
Thy will be done
In Fenway as it is on the road
Give us a win, our daily bread
And inform the police of drunk drivers
As we inform the police of drunk drivers
And lead us not into last place
But deliver us from Steinbrenner.
Amen.

Knuckles Wakefield
Knuckles sounds like a tough guy's nickname which is why I picked it. for its irony. This isn't to say Wakefield isn't tough, but he's not the type of guy who would have a name like knuckles unless he threw alot of knuckleballs.

Babe Wells
A fat, beer guzzling, hot dog eating, loudmouth lefthanded pitcher on the Red Sox? Why the hell not. We won 3 World Series with Ruth.

That does it for the pitchers. I still need nicknames for Tim Bausher, Juan Cedeno, Matt Mantei, Wade Miller, Anibel Sanchez, Chris Smith, and Mike Timlin. I also welcome suggestions for players who already have a nickname. E-mail me at rawbeezeitz@yahoo.com

The Sox lost to the D-Rays 6-4.

The Arsenal beat Bolton 1-0 to advance to the FA Cup Semifinal.