Sunday, September 29, 2013

Patriots-Falcons Drinking Game: Sunday Night Football Edition

Before we go over the rules of the drinking game, I have a thought on tonight's football game: Don't get overly enthusiastic about a win, or overly depressed by a loss. Think of the football season as a semester in college. It's still early. This game is a good test for the Patriots, but it's just one test. In school you don't get an A just by acing one test. Nor do you flunk by getting just one F. This is a midterm exam, not a final.

To the lubing up...

Anytime a commentator says...
"Dome" = 1 drink from a beer
"Dome team" = 2 drinks
"Loud" or "Noisy" = 1 drink
"Wes Welker" = 1 drink
"Vick" = drink for 7 seconds
"High octane" = 5 drinks
"No huddle" = 1 drink
"Length" (when referring to armspan) = 1 drink
"This guy" or "Here's a guy" = 1 drink
"Test" = 1 drink
"Early" = 1 drink
"Matty Ice" = drink a scotch on the rocks
An abbreviation for Michael Hoomanawanui's last name = 1 drink

Anytime this is on screen...
Matt Ryan's regular season stats = drink for 2 seconds
Matt Ryan's playoff stats/record = drink for 20 seconds
Matt Ryan playing for Boston College = drink for 2 minutes
An angry Tom Brady = drink for 12 seconds
Healthy Rob Gronkowski = 1 drink
Sidelined Rob Gronkowski = finish beer, spike empty can Gronk style
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink the entire time he's talking
Bill Belichick's sock(s) = drink an entire beer and a shot

Anytime this happens...
You yawn = mix Red Bull with liquor, 1 drink for the first yawn, 2 for the second, and so on
John Gruden makes himself laugh = 1 drink
Gruden makes a homoerotic remark about a football player's body, or a part of his body = 1 drink
Gruden compares a player's body or part(s) to an inanimate object (e.g. a fire hydrant) = 1 drink
Tom Brady yells "Aplha Milk" = 1 White Russian
Brady points out the "Mike" = 1 drink (or 3 drinks from Mike's Hard Lemonade for bonus points)
Patriots WR runs wrong route = 1 drink
Patriots WR drops pass = 1 drink
Brady throws to a tight-end (excluding Gronk) = 1 shot of liquor
Patriots force a turnover = 1 shot
Vince Wilfork forces or recovers a turnover = 1 whole beer, 1 shot
Wilfork returns a turnover for a TD = 1 whole beer, 1 shot, 1 pound of wings... Falcon wings
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Actual kickoff return = drink during entire return
Rob Gronkowski gets seriously injured = drink until you can't feel feelings, then call sports radio

Enjoy the game, and please get lubed up responsibly.