Sunday, February 02, 2014

Super Bowl Drinking Game: Broncos-Seahawks Edition

Another football season comes to a close with an orgy of alcohol, complex carbohydrates, corn syrup, and Buffalo sauce. The hometown Patriots aren't involved, which means you can enjoy the commercials and the drinks without enduring the tension and anxiety. Here's a drinking game to play during the Super Bowl.

Anytime a commentator says...
"Super" = take 1 drink from a beer
"Peyton" = 1 drink
"Eli" = drink from a beer for 10 seconds
"Manning" = 1 drink
"Legacy" = 1 drink
"History" = 1 drink
"Career" = 1 drink
"Record book(s)" = 1 drink
"The game" = 1 drink
"Weapons" = 1 drink
"Thomas" = 1 drink
"Colts" = 1 drink
"12th man" = drink for 12 seconds
"Wilson" = 1 drink
Something about Wilson running the ball = 1 drink
"Media day" = 1 drink
"Sherman" = 1 drink
"Thug" = drink all the alcohol in the house/apartment/bar (unless the word is used mentioning that other people were saying it, because the commentators will avoid this word like a plague)
"Carroll" = 1 drink
"USC" = 1 drink
"LOB" = 1 drink
Anything about the weather = 1 drink the first time, 2 the second, 3 the third, and so on
-Compile a list of weather terms (such as wind, chance of, cloudy, balmy, brisk) and arrange them in randomly patterned boxes. Cross out each one as commentators use them and drink for 6 seconds. The person who first gets a line (up, down, or diagonal), wins free beer

Anytime this is on screen...
Roman numerals = drink beer for a number of seconds equal to the numerals (this includes logos painted on the field)
John Elway = drink for 7 seconds
Eli Manning = drink for 10 seconds
Seattle fan and the number 12 = drink for 12 seconds
Tim Tebow = take a shot, drink for 15 seconds, say a prayer
New York City = 1 drink
People waiting for a shuttle bus to take them to NYC = 1 drink
Unnecessary computer generated graphics or robot football players = 1 drink
Fox promotes a show coming on after the game = 1 drink
Pete Carroll chewing gum = 1 drink
Carroll urging his players on = 1 drink per urging
Carroll clapping = 1 drink per clap
Richard Sherman talking = 1 drink
Erin Andrews = drink for 5 seconds then yell at her about Michael Crabtree for 10 seconds
Marshawn Lynch disguising himself during Media Day = 1 drink
People in Seattle/Denver bars watching the game = 1 shot and 1 drink
Highlights from a previous Super Bowl = drink during the entire highlight
Highlights from previous playoff games = drink during the entire highlight
Peyton Manning makes a Manning face = drink a shot, and permission to vomit is granted
Any other Manning makes a Manning face = drink 2 shots, permission to vomit granted

Anytime this happens...
Someone doesn't know their Roman numerals = that person must drink a VI pack of beer
Peyton says the name of a city (including "Denver" in interviews) = 1 drink
Peyton yells "Omaha" = an additional drink
Peyton yells the name of a state = 2 drinks
Peyton yells the name of a province/region = 4 drinks
Peyton yells the name of a country = half a beer
-Compile a list of states and major cities (Omaha, Alabama, Tennessee, Detroit) and arrange them in randomly patterned boxes, cross out each one as Manning mentions them in cadences and take a shot. The person who first gets a line (up, down, or diagonal), wins an 18 pack of Bud Light
Peyton mentions beer = drink an entire Bud Light
Peyton seems to change the play = 1 drink
Commentators praise Manning's play-calling = 1 drink
You want to use the DVR to see a play again but someone else wants to see commercials = 1 drink
Someone mentions Super Bowl squares they've wagered on = 1 drink
Someone scrambles madly to the bathroom = 1 drink
You wait in line for the bathroom at halftime = drink the entire time standing in line
Someone mentions the Patriots should have kept Wes Welker = throw unopened beer (cans only) at him, then shotgun said beer

Anytime in a commercial...
You've already seen the commercial before = 1 drink (this will happen more often than usual)
The cuteness of animals is used = 1 drink
A car company doesn't even try to be funny = 1 drink
A celebrity endorser hawks a product = 1 drink
A celebrity endorser that would probably never use the product is shown using it = 1 drink
Beer or junk food is advertised = 1 drink and 12 Doritos
Beer is advertised and you're drinking the brand = finish the beer
A TV show or movie is advertised = 1 drink
You regret going to the bathroom and missing a commercial = finish your beer
You found a commercial completely uninteresting = 1 drink and get beers for everyone else
Someone asks a question about the rules of football = 1 drink
You feel hungry and don't eat = finish your beer

Enjoy the game folks. And enjoy the taxi/ambulance ride home.