Patriots-Broncos Drinking Game: AFC Championship Edition

Patriots, Broncos. Manning, Brady. An AFC Championship and a trip to the Super Bowl on the line. What could be any better than that? I'll tell you what... Drinking so much alcohol you'll need to watch the 4th quarter in the Emergency Room. Here's a drinking game to play while the Patriots face the Broncos Sunday in the AFC Championship...

Anytime a commentator says:
"AFC" = 1 drink of beer
"Championship" = 1 drink
"Manning" = 1 drink
"Brady" = 1 drink
"Winner" = 1 drink
"Seventeen(th)" = drink for 17 seconds
"Meeting" = 1 drink
"Playoffs" = 1 drink
"History" = 1 drink
"Legacy" = 1 drink
"Super Bowl" = 1 drink
"Fifty" = 1 drink
"Mile high" = 1 drink, 1 hit from a joint
Anything about the air being thin = hold your breath for 15 seconds, then drink for 5 seconds
Anything about the weather being nice = 1 drink
"Crowd noise" = 1 drink
"Home field" = 1 drink
"Injury" = 1 drink
"Malcolm" = 1 drink
"Jackson" = 1 drink


Anytime this is on screen...
A Roman numeral = drink for as many seconds as the number (e.g. XVII=drink for 17 seconds)
Highlights from previous Manning/Brady games = drink during entire highlight
Highlights of Brady/Patriots struggling in Denver = drink during entire highlight
The number 18 (on the field or in a graphic) = 1 drink
A trophy = 1 drink per trophy
Manning face = 1 shot of liquor (and permission to vomit)
A Manning besides Peyton = 1 drink per Manning
A horse (real or cartoon) = 1 drink
A horseshoe (real or as part of a logo) = 1 drink per shoe
A mountain = 1 drink pear peak
John Elway = 1 drink
Brock Osweiler = 1 drink
Wade Philips = 1 drink
Matt Patricia = 1 drink
Ernie Adams = 1 glass of wine
Josh McDaniels = 1 drink
A graphic about injuries = 1 drink
A coin toss (live or video) = 1 drink
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink the entire time he's talking


Anytime this happens...
Someone says "Omaha" = 1 drink
Broncos fans say that stupid "incomplete" chant = 1 drink
Brady and/or Manning are compared to all-time greats = 1 drink for each player compared to
Jamie Collins makes a freakishly athletic play = 1 drink
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink
Julian Edelman breaks a tackle = 1 drink
Rob Gronkowski destroys someone/something = 1 drink
You're worried Edelman or Gronk is injured = half a beer
Gronk spikes something = finish your beer, spike empty can/bottle on ground (bonus points for glass bottles)
Manning says the name of a city besides Omaha = 2 drinks
Manning says the name of a state/province = 5 drinks
Manning says the name of a country = finish your beer
Manning seems to adjust the play = 1 drink
Commentators praise Manning for a good play call = 1 drink
Commentators avoid criticizing Manning for a bad play call = 1 drink
Broncos run the ball = 1 drink
Manning overthrows a receiver = 1 drink
Manning underthrows a receiver = 1 drink
Manning makes an accurate throw longer than 10 yards = half a beer
Manning fumbles or throws a pick = 1 shot of liquor
Commentators criticize Manning for a mistake (unlikely) = 1 entire beer, 2 shots of liquor
The commentators mention HGH (this will not happen) = drink all alcohol in the building by the end of the game, which will be extra rough in an apartment building or a bar, so feel free to take performance enhancing substances to help


So enjoy the game on the field between the Patriots and Broncos, as well as the game off the field between you and your liver. Make sure you have a path shoveled wide enough for the paramedics to carry you out on a stretcher.

Peyton Manning's Diary: ouch my leg, ouch my heart

Dear Diary,
It happened again. Me and my team were played off again (Coach Tony taught me to call it that instead of that E-word that kind of rhymes with laminated). It's the ninth time that the NFL hasn't let me play more than one playoff game. I don't think that's fair.

It's not my fault either. Everyone says so. From Coach Fox (haha, sorry, every time I think of Coach Fox, I think of that "What Does the Fox Say" song, ding ding ding da ding da ding da ding), to Mr. Elway, to Coach Tony. I don't think it's my fault. My leg hurts. Trainer Steve and Doctor Martin say my quad is torn. I asked them which of my quads, my first, my second, my third, or my fourth. They told me I had 2. That doesn't make sense. I learned in school that quad means 4. So not only do I have a torn quad, I only have half the quads I should have.

I hurt it a few weeks ago. But we wanted to keep it a secret. When I saw Aaron Rodgers getting carted around like a cripple a few weeks ago, I called Mr. Elway and asked him why we didn't do that. He sighed, and said something about Aaron Rodgers and the Packers being drama queens and attention horses. I didn't get it. Our mascot is a horse, Green Bay's isn't. Their mascot is... well, I don't know what. And drama queens are actresses who play queens in movies and plays. Mr. Elway says lots of things I don't understand.

When I played with Coach Tony and the Colts, whenever I got hurt, we'd go out and get extra pizza after our normal post-game pizza party. It would be just me and Coach Tony. And if I hurt my leg, Jeff Saturday would carry me to the pizza place. The Broncos promised in my contract to do the same thing. But Mr. Elway and Coach Fox (lol, ding ding ding...) said that we should keep it a secret. "Chuck E. Cheese won't tell anyone," I told them. But they didn't want anybody to know I was hurt.

I decided to keep my hurt leg a secret from myself. So when we decided what plays to try, I chose plays we'd run if my leg was healthy. That way I wouldn't know I was hurt. And it would stay a secret.

Something was wrong though. I'd throw long passes to Emmanuel, and miss him. I couldn't figure out why, since I was still keeping my leg a secret from myself. So I threw long passes to Wes, to the two Tommies, to Emmanuel. If I had told my secret to myself, I would have been able to figure out why I wasn't able to throw to my teammates. Since I didn't, I wasn't.

Secrets can be bad. But you should always keep a secret. I kept the secret, even from myself. So I did the right thing, and that's why it wasn't my fault that we don't get to play anymore. Coach Tony always said that losing right is always better than winning wrong.

I asked Coach Tony the other day about all the secrets that mean Coach Belichick keeps. I asked if that makes Coach Belichick a good person. Coach Tony said not to worry, and that I would understand when I grow up.

I'm looking forward to playing football when it's warmer again. Summer football and football in fall is the best, because even if you lose, you get to play next week. I only wish I didn't have to go to cold places like Foxborough (this "fox" doesn't make me laugh) or loud places like Kansas City, where the people running the scoreboard make the people in the stands make noise.

I hate noise.

Next year should be fun with Coach Fox again. I think we will have a fun group of guys who will...

Oh my gosh, Diary! I was just watching a tape of people on ESPN talking about how great I am, and the ESPN people just said that Coach Fox is leaving!!!!

I don't know what to do. I need to call Coach Tony. Sorry, Diary. I hate to write and run, but this is just too much. I need to do something. What if they hire a mean coach. What if he's like mean Mr. Belichick?

Oh no, oh no, oh no!!!!!!

Hugs and kisses always, Diary. I'll miss you.

Your pal always,
Peyton

The Patriots' road to the Super Bowl

Super Bowl 49. Super Bowl XLIX. Super Bowl X-licks. What does the road to the Super Bowl look like for the New England Patriots?

Divisional Round

vs. IND or CIN or BAL

If Baltimore beats the Steelers, the Patriots will host the 6th seeded Ravens no matter what happens in the other AFC Wild Card game. However, I strongly think Pittsburgh will win that game, so then the Pats would face the winner of the Bengals-Colts game. To be blunt, neither of those teams scare me. They both feature talented players, but they're not tough teams. The Patriots have thoroughly dismantled both of them this season and I'd expect the Pats to do the same thing in the Divisional Round. So it's on to the AFC Championship.

AFC Championship

vs. DEN or PIT

Again, this is based on the premise that the Steelers will beat the Ravens. Denver vs. Pittsburgh is a tough game to predict. The Broncos have talent, but have looked stale the past few weeks. The Steelers have flaws, but are a hot team. Pittsburgh's secondary isn't very good, so I'm leaning toward the Broncos to win.

The Patriots would have an edge against either team. The Pats are tougher than the Broncos, they have pass-rushers who can get to Manning, they have DBs who can pick him off. Denver's only hope would be for Ward to injure Gronk and Welker to take out Revis.

Pittsburgh would be a more difficult matchup. However, the Pats offense should be good enough to take advantage of Pittsburgh's DBs. Unless Josh McDaniels gets too cute. The Steelers were 27th in passing defense, so Josh "that's just what they'll be expecting us to do" McDaniels, might try to pound the ball on the ground (Pittsburgh was 6th in rushing defense).

The Patriots should beat Denver unless there are injuries, and should beat Pittsburgh unless they get too clever.

Super Bowl

vs. SEA or GB or DAL or CAR or ARI or DET

Carolina can't win 3 playoff games. Arizona can't make the Super Bowl without a quarterback. Detroit doesn't have the makeup for a deep playoff run. So that leaves us with the Seahawks, Packers, and Cowboys, with the Seahawks being the most likely winner of the NFC.

The Seahawks would also be the toughest matchup for the Patriots. They're red hot, they have playmakers on both sides of the ball, they don't make massive mistakes, they play with extremely high confidence but don't play outside of themselves. They also have the best passing defense in the NFL and the 3rd best rushing defense.

For the Patriots to beat Seattle, they'll have to win it on defense against Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch. Seattle was 27th in passing, averaging only 203 yards per game in the air. They were #1 in the NFL in rushing with over 172 yards per game. If the Pats can contain the run, manage a few field goals, make a play on special teams, make a big play downfield (which the Pats have struggled to do all season), then they're Super Bowl champions. Just a handful of big plays would decide a Seahawks-Patriots Super Bowl. It would be an epic game.

There are more ways to beat the Cowboys and Packers. The Patriots almost beat Green Bay in Green Bay despite a poor first half and despite some cheese-friendly officiating in the second half. Don't get me wrong I respect the Packers, there are just more ways to beat them than there are ways to beat the Seahawks.

The Cowboys are also beatable. Give them credit for going 8-0 on the road, in a year where some of the best teams in the NFL went 4-4 away from home. But until Romo and the Cowboys can win when there's pressure, I don't fear them. Maybe if they win a couple of playoff games and get to the Super Bowl, they will have garnered my respect. Until then, I will continue to see Tony Romo as a nervous holder bumbling a long-snap.

So there's the road. The Patriots beat the Bengals or Colts in the Divisional round. Then beat the Broncos or Steelers to win the AFC, so long as they don't get hurt or get smart. Then it's probably a tough, too-close-to-call battle against the Seahawks.

That Super Bowl will either be the confirmation of the beginning of the Seahawks dynasty, or an exclamation point on the Patriots' dynasty. If Super Bowl 49 is Seahawks vs. Patriots, we will hear the word "dynasty" at least 300,000 times in the 2 weeks leading up to the game.

Peyton Manning gives Patriots an early Christmas present

The Patriots clinched the #1 seed in the AFC playoffs thanks to Peyton Manning whizzing it down his leg against the Bengals.

Look, Manning is a great QB, and a Hall of Famer, and he's led his team on countless game-winning drives in the 4th quarter and overtime. But when did he get a reputation as a clutch quarterback, let alone as one of the most clutch QBs of all time, as Mr. Gruden was claiming moments before Manning threw a wobbly, game-ending pick? Did I miss that ruling on Peyton Manning? Was there a meeting where that was decided?

"One of the greatest crunch time quarterbacks of all time," was how Jon Gruden described Manning before that pick 6. Really?

I honestly didn't know what would happen last night when Manning got the ball back, down by 2, needing only a field goal to beat the Bengals. It was an exciting, tense, dramatic situation. And it was raining. And in hindsight, all that drama, plus some imperfect weather, those are ingredients for Manning Choke Soup.

Manning just can't let himself get past things. He obsesses over the weather, and scoreboard operators, instead of moving on with his life, and focusing on what HE can do to do his job well.

I'd feel bad for him if he didn't look like a jagoff trying to host the world's biggest pity party whenever something bad happens. I'd feel bad for him if he didn't try to blame failures on everyone and everything but himself. I'd feel bad for him if he didn't call out scoreboard operators for trivial things.

Let's think back to that story with the scoreboard operator in Denver. Peyton didn't like that the jumbotron was inciting noise from the Denver fans while the team was on offense. That's fine. But can't Peyton address that issue in-house? Can't he go to John Fox or John Elway and say "In the future, we need the scoreboard operators to help keep the crowd quiet on offense?" He's Peyton Manning! Doesn't he have enough influence in that organization to take care of the issue without going to the media? Can't he even go directly to the staff who operate the scoreboard and talk to them?

Nope. Because Peyton had to make it known to the entire world why he wasn't amazing at the end of a game his team won. And it was the scoreboard operator's fault. He didn't talk about it to the media to stop it from happening in the future, he talked about to explain what he saw as his inadequate play.

Could you imagine another QB in the League doing that? Brady? Ryan? Rodgers? Roethlisberger? Wilson? Romo (maybe)?

Could you imagine another QB in the League doing that and receiving nearly no criticism?

People like Peyton. He's polite. He's punctual. He wears suits to press conferences. I'd probably like him if  not for my favorite team competing against him for supremacy in the AFC. But if I wanted to like him, I'd also have to ignore the choking, the blaming others for failure, the way he lets things like the weather get to him, the endless commercials, the boring clean-cut Johnny Unitas routine, the accent that mixes together the most annoying parts of southern and midwestern, and the face. The Manning Face. The ultimate accessory in disappointing body language. Manning Face demoralizes teammates, not opponents. It's judgmental, it's sad, it isn't inspiring, it isn't unifying.

Give me Tom Brady unleashing torrents of F-bombs over Manning-Face any day.

The people who like Peyton Manning make compromise after compromise to like him. And good for them. I'm not as patient or forgiving with people as Manning likers. Ultimately, all that really matters to is that Peyton's failure on Monday Night Football propelled the Patriots the #1 seed overall in the AFC.

Winter is coming, and the best place to be in Winter is at home.

Photo Credit:
Scott Radakovich and NFL Memes

It Doesn't Matter if Tom Brady Is a "Top-5 QB" or Not

An ESPN article has outraged the sports fans of Boston and New England. Sam Monson wrote a piece that argued that Tom Brady was no longer a "top-5 QB." I contend that as far as the Patriots are concerned, it doesn't matter if Brady is or isn't.

I'm not going to waste much time dwelling on Monson's assertions. If forced at gunpoint to give my top 5 NFL QBs, I'd include Brady. You'd have to force me at gunpoint because I think such discussions, and the side-arguments they spawn, are essentially meaningless. Being in the top 5 is such a relative, changeable thing. One year the 6th best QB could be great, another year the 3rd best could just be good. What does it matter?

It's all relative, yet the discussion is phrased in absolute terms. Instead of Brady "being in the top 5," pundits and some fans say Brady "is a top-5." That's an important difference in words. Being "in" a top 5 suggests that there's a list that QBs enter, fall out of, rise, and fall. The list is permanent, the player's spot on the list is not. Saying someone "is" a top 5 suggests that it's the player's greatness that is permanent, that he has some sort of top-fiveness quality to him, and somehow this attribute can only be possessed by 5 players at any given time. Once this greatness transfers to another player, the player drops out of the top 5.

So instead of acknowledging that these are rankings and are relative, they become attributes, described the same way that someone might describe height or weight. "He's a tall QB," "He's a big QB," "He's a top-5 QB." Saying a player "is a top-5 QB" sounds much more absolute than saying "he's in the top 5."

It pisses me off.

The biggest reason I hate these discussions is because football is so team-oriented that it doesn't matter if your QB is in the top 5 or not. Monson didn't include Russell Wilson in his top 5, but did include Philip Rivers. Who won the last Super Bowl? Was Joe Flacco "a top-5 QB" in 2012? Eli Manning wasn't a top 5 candidate until the Giants won in '07 (against Brady, who was a top 1 QB that season), then Eli was top 5 material, then he wasn't, then the Giants won again so he was, now he's not.

A "top-5 QB" is not a necessary ingredient to victory. Monson's top 5 (Rivers, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, and Ben Roethlisberger) have a total of 5 Super Bowl rings, none in the last 3 years. Non-top-5 QBs have won the last 3 Super Bowls, and wear a total of 7 rings.

Six of the last 11 Super Bowl winning QBs aren't among Monson's top 5. Eight of the last 14 Conference champions have been helmed by QBs outside his top 5. In the past three seasons, only 1 of Monson's top 5 has made the Super Bowl, and he lost.

Have I made my point?

Two conclusions can be drawn from this:

1. Monson's list isn't very good

2. More importantly, teams win Super Bowls, not top 5 quarterbacks

Tom Brady may or may not be in the top 5 in 2014. Time will tell. Ultimately, it doesn't mean that much in determining the fate of the 2014 Patriots. And here's why:

If the Patriots win the Super Bowl this season, it will be because they did not need Brady to be amazing.

I'll phrase the argument to address Monson: If the Patriots win the Super Bowl, it will be because they did not need Brady to be a top-5 QB.

In other words, for the Pats to win this year, they have to win as a team. Brady could be the best QB in the League, but if the Pats NEED him to be "a top-5 QB," they'll lose in the end, no matter how good Brady is. By the same token, if the Patriots DON'T need Brady to be "a top-5 QB" to be successful, then they have a strong chance at winning it all. And that's the only way they'll have a chance, if they don't need him to be amazing all the time.

Therefore, Brady's position in the rankings of quarterbacks is irrelevant. He's part of a team. An important part, but still just one part. If that team needs him to be spectacular, the team will fail. If the team doesn't need him to be spectacular, the team has a good chance to succeed.

Where Brady falls in QB rankings is meaningless for the Patriots, and should be meaningless for their fans. What matters is that the Patriots don't rely solely on him to win. Brady being in or out of the NFL's top 5 QBs has little bearing on the success or failure of the 2014 Patriots.

Broncos Overpay for Aqib Talib

It hurts losing one of your best players in free agency. It really hurts losing him to your toughest conference opponent. It's a sudden, shocking kind of hurt. Losing Talib is like having your hand smashed with a hammer. Hurts like hell but you'll heal. Bad contracts are like arthritis. Incessant, nagging pain that will last for years.

The Broncos signed Aqib Talib to a 6-year deal worth $57 million, $26 million of which is guaranteed.

That's $9.5 million a year for Talib. Which is too much.

That's a 6-year deal for Talib. Which is too long.

That's $26 million guaranteed to Talib. Which is too much.

It's just a bad deal any way you slice it.

I'm not happy to see him go, especially to Denver, but I wouldn't be happy making that deal. It's too much of an investment and a commitment, especially considering Talib's health issues and the potential for on-field and off-field issues.

And no, losing Talib doesn't mean the Patriots MUST sign or trade for Darrelle Revis. While they do need cornerbacks, you don't need an amazing CB to win. And having an amazing CB doesn't automatically make you a winner. The Patriots do need to improve the position. Even if Talib had stayed in Foxborough, I thought the Patriots needed more experience and depth at the position.

When the Pats have lost Talib to injury, their lack of depth has been exposed. Overpaying Talib doesn't help add depth.

The Patriots also need a better pass rush. They need to reduce the time their defensive backs have to cover opposing receivers. Spending too much on Talib would have meant having less to spend on this pass rush. Or wherever it is the Patriots spend the money they would have spent on Talib.

The Patriots also need receivers who can hold their own in battles against guys like Talib and other good DBs. The Pats need strong, physical receivers. Steve Smith comes to mind. What a diabolical pick-up that would be to put Steve Smith out there against Talib when the Patriots and Broncos play.

Overpaying Talib would have made it more difficult for the Patriots to improve elsewhere.

I am anticipating the pained whines and moans of Patriots fans this morning. "Couldn't the Patriots have made the leap from 8 million to 9.5? How much of a difference is 1.5?" "Another big name out the door." "When will this team spend on their free agents?" "I'm sick of it." "In Bill we trust."

I'm also anticipating the angry and emotional demands of the fanbase. "Get Revis. NOW!"

Yesterday's optimism as NFL free agency began and the sun shone down on New England, has been shattered by cruel reality. It's sunny and mild in Denver today. It's rainy and cold here. Let Denver enjoy this brief sunshine. This contract will burn them.

Photo Credit:
USA Today Sports

What the Patriots (and Their Fans) Can Learn from the Super Bowl

For two weeks, Patriots fans have been comparing the Pats with the Broncos, and trying to imagine ways that the Patriots could be more like the Broncos. These people saw the Denver Broncos as a team with a high-flying offense, a full arsenal of receiving weapons, and therefore the team most likely to win the Super Bowl and the team the Patriots should try to emulate. Except the Broncos didn't win a Super Bowl. The Seahawks crushed them 43-8.

The Broncos didn't lose because of their offensive talent. They lost because they didn't execute and Seattle did. And Seattle also had more playmakers on defense, particularly rushing the passer.

A record-breaking offense beaten by a pass rush. Remind you of any other recent Super Bowls?

The Seahawks were the best team in the NFL and always were. Denver had the most spectacular offensive talent, but Seattle was strong on both sides of the ball. They didn't have All-Pro receivers, but their WRs were all talented (unlike the Patriots). They had a good QB, solid lines, decent WRs, an excellent running game, an elite defensive secondary that read plays incredibly well, and edge pass rushers who could pressure the opposing quarterback.

Patriots fans have been pining for their team to acquire Pro Bowl caliber receivers. And while that would be fantastic, maybe the Pats should try to build a team more like the Seahawks as opposed to the Broncos. We've gone down the 'Offense First' road in New England, and it didn't work. Maybe it's time to try a new approach.

By that I mean balance. More specifically, I mean a pass rush on defense balanced with the offensive passing game. Peyton Manning's poor throws and interceptions Sunday night were all a result of pressure. Pressure did more than just sack Manning. Manning was only sacked once (and he fumbled). Seattle pressured him on 3rd downs and forced mistakes: Incompletions, short completions, interceptions. The biggest plays of the game were caused by Seattle pressuring Manning.

I think it's more feasible to pressure one quarterback than it is to cover 4 receivers.

The Patriots must improve their WR corps. As I mentioned in parenthesis above, the Seahawks didn't have All-Pro WRs, but they did possess talent. Tate, Baldwin, Kearse, they're all more talented than Thompkins, and probably Dobson. All of them would have had jobs with the 2013 Patriots. And those Seattle WRs can thrive in different areas of the field, unlike the one-dimensional receivers the Patriots feature. However the Pats don't need to break the bank acquiring WRs to do well. I'd prefer a receiver big in height/weight as opposed to a big name receiver.

And to beat the other good QBs out there, like Peyton Manning, Andrew Luck, and Russell Wilson; the Pats need smart DBs and a consistent pass rush. Limit the chances the opponent has to make plays and give your defense more opportunities to make them.

You could say that the Patriots, through injury and criminal activity, were limited in offensive playmaking. And look how important those limitations were in the playoffs. Acquire some DBs with awareness and outside pass rushers with strength and speed, and the Patriots can take away opposing playmakers just like injury and arrest took out the 2013 Patriots' playmakers.

So acquire WRs, but don't go nuts. Make sure to address the defensive backfield and pass rush. They'll help you find multiple ways to win. And pressure your opponent to find ways to lose.

Super Bowl Drinking Game: Broncos-Seahawks Edition

Another football season comes to a close with an orgy of alcohol, complex carbohydrates, corn syrup, and Buffalo sauce. The hometown Patriots aren't involved, which means you can enjoy the commercials and the drinks without enduring the tension and anxiety. Here's a drinking game to play during the Super Bowl.

Anytime a commentator says...
"Super" = take 1 drink from a beer
"Peyton" = 1 drink
"Eli" = drink from a beer for 10 seconds
"Manning" = 1 drink
"Legacy" = 1 drink
"History" = 1 drink
"Career" = 1 drink
"Record book(s)" = 1 drink
"The game" = 1 drink
"Weapons" = 1 drink
"Thomas" = 1 drink
"Colts" = 1 drink
"12th man" = drink for 12 seconds
"Wilson" = 1 drink
Something about Wilson running the ball = 1 drink
"Media day" = 1 drink
"Sherman" = 1 drink
"Thug" = drink all the alcohol in the house/apartment/bar (unless the word is used mentioning that other people were saying it, because the commentators will avoid this word like a plague)
"Carroll" = 1 drink
"USC" = 1 drink
"LOB" = 1 drink
Anything about the weather = 1 drink the first time, 2 the second, 3 the third, and so on
BONUS GAME: WEATHER BINGO:
-Compile a list of weather terms (such as wind, chance of, cloudy, balmy, brisk) and arrange them in randomly patterned boxes. Cross out each one as commentators use them and drink for 6 seconds. The person who first gets a line (up, down, or diagonal), wins free beer


Anytime this is on screen...
Roman numerals = drink beer for a number of seconds equal to the numerals (this includes logos painted on the field)
John Elway = drink for 7 seconds
Eli Manning = drink for 10 seconds
Seattle fan and the number 12 = drink for 12 seconds
Tim Tebow = take a shot, drink for 15 seconds, say a prayer
New York City = 1 drink
People waiting for a shuttle bus to take them to NYC = 1 drink
Unnecessary computer generated graphics or robot football players = 1 drink
Fox promotes a show coming on after the game = 1 drink
Pete Carroll chewing gum = 1 drink
Carroll urging his players on = 1 drink per urging
Carroll clapping = 1 drink per clap
Richard Sherman talking = 1 drink
Erin Andrews = drink for 5 seconds then yell at her about Michael Crabtree for 10 seconds
Marshawn Lynch disguising himself during Media Day = 1 drink
People in Seattle/Denver bars watching the game = 1 shot and 1 drink
Highlights from a previous Super Bowl = drink during the entire highlight
Highlights from previous playoff games = drink during the entire highlight
Peyton Manning makes a Manning face = drink a shot, and permission to vomit is granted
Any other Manning makes a Manning face = drink 2 shots, permission to vomit granted


Anytime this happens...
Someone doesn't know their Roman numerals = that person must drink a VI pack of beer
Peyton says the name of a city (including "Denver" in interviews) = 1 drink
Peyton yells "Omaha" = an additional drink
Peyton yells the name of a state = 2 drinks
Peyton yells the name of a province/region = 4 drinks
Peyton yells the name of a country = half a beer
BONUS GAME: PEYTON MANNING BINGO:
-Compile a list of states and major cities (Omaha, Alabama, Tennessee, Detroit) and arrange them in randomly patterned boxes, cross out each one as Manning mentions them in cadences and take a shot. The person who first gets a line (up, down, or diagonal), wins an 18 pack of Bud Light
Peyton mentions beer = drink an entire Bud Light
Peyton seems to change the play = 1 drink
Commentators praise Manning's play-calling = 1 drink
You want to use the DVR to see a play again but someone else wants to see commercials = 1 drink
Someone mentions Super Bowl squares they've wagered on = 1 drink
Someone scrambles madly to the bathroom = 1 drink
You wait in line for the bathroom at halftime = drink the entire time standing in line
Someone mentions the Patriots should have kept Wes Welker = throw unopened beer (cans only) at him, then shotgun said beer


Anytime in a commercial...
You've already seen the commercial before = 1 drink (this will happen more often than usual)
The cuteness of animals is used = 1 drink
A car company doesn't even try to be funny = 1 drink
A celebrity endorser hawks a product = 1 drink
A celebrity endorser that would probably never use the product is shown using it = 1 drink
Beer or junk food is advertised = 1 drink and 12 Doritos
Beer is advertised and you're drinking the brand = finish the beer
A TV show or movie is advertised = 1 drink
You regret going to the bathroom and missing a commercial = finish your beer
You found a commercial completely uninteresting = 1 drink and get beers for everyone else
Someone asks a question about the rules of football = 1 drink
You feel hungry and don't eat = finish your beer

Enjoy the game folks. And enjoy the taxi/ambulance ride home.

What the Patriots Need Besides Wide Receivers

For going on 2 weeks I've heard it and read it everywhere: The Patriots need wide receiver help. I couldn't agree more.

That being said, most of you sound like whiny little kids in the checkout line at the grocery store, pleading with their parents to buy them candy bars from the impulse item rack or else they'll throw a temper tantrum. "I want Larry Fitzgerald now!" "We want Anquan Boldin!" "Give us James Jones!" "We need Emmanuel Sanders!" and so on.

I want better receivers too and hopefully the Patriots get some. There are, however, other areas of the team that if improved, will dramatically increase the likelihood of another Patriots Super Bowl win...

#1 The Pass Rush
I'm surprised that after the Pats lost to the Broncos in the AFC Championship game nobody complained much about the complete and utter lack of a pass rush on Peyton Manning. I'm not talking about sacks. I'm talking about reducing a great quarterback's time to find open receivers. Manning had all day on almost every snap.

The one play Manning was truly pressured, he lobbed a ball to a double-covered Wes Welker. Had Kyle Arrington turned around to play the ball, he would have at least batted it down, and could have intercepted it. Pressure created a playmaking opportunity.

A pass rush forces bad passes, throws out of bounds, shorter routes. It makes coverage more manageable for DBs and lets them be more aggressive. It can reduce the effectiveness of a good/great QB (the type you meet in the playoffs), and can force a mediocre/poor QB to make game-losing mistakes. When the Patriots defense owned Manning back in 2003-2004, it was because the pass rush pressured him. When the Patriots went 18-1, it was a pass rush that defeated them.

How to improve the pass rush? Getting Vince Wilfork and Jerod Mayo helps, as these are guys who occupy attention and allow others to make plays in the backfield. Chandler Jones recorded 11.5 sacks, tied for 7th in the NFL. He's doing his job. Add another guy on the edge and not necessarily a guy who's going to get 10+ sacks. Just someone strong and fast enough who will put a clock in the QB's head and force him to get rid of the ball sooner than he'd like.

I'd also like to see the Patriots change their mindset on defense and be much more aggressive. They've tried the bend-don't-break approach for years. It does reduce opposing points, but it also lets the opponent stay on the field for far too long. It puts all the pressure on the offense to score points in fewer drives that start from poor field position.

I think the defense, with Mayo, Wilfork, Jones, and an improving secondary, is good enough to be given a longer leash. Let them loose, let them go after the quarterback.

#2 Another Experienced CB
Aqib Talib is the most irreplaceable defensive player on the team. And even if you retain his services, you still have to hope/pray he remains healthy down the stretch.

When Talib is out the Patriots miss his skills, but they also lose a guy who knows what he's doing. The Pats have a crop of talented young DBs, but you can't draft wisdom or coach experience. I'd like to see the Pats add another experienced corner. He doesn't have to be amazing. Just someone who's been around a few years and knows what they're doing. Someone who knows his own capabilities, knows how to play the position, won't get tricked, won't make stupid decisions that lead to big plays.

And if Talib gets hurt, the veteran can assume Talib's coverage responsibilities. He'll probably get burnt, but at least everyone else can stay with their planned assignments and losing one DB won't result in 3 mismatches (as it did against Denver this year and Baltimore last year). It's better to be burnt by one guy than toasted by an entire team. And if you have a smart player, at least he'll know what he's doing, and (in theory) won't be burnt as badly.

And obviously if you don't retain Talib, you either need to replace him or dramatically improve somewhere else, like the pass rush.

I know adding an average, veteran cornerback and reducing the time opposing QBs have to throw by half a second isn't as exhilarating or as emotionally satisfying as acquiring a 1,000+ yard wide receiver. It's sort of like getting socks for Christmas compared to an X-Box. But the Patriots need both. They need playmakers on offense, and on defense they need guys who can limit opposing playmakers.

Patriots' Season Ends in Denver

Pressure. The game of football is about pressure. You pressure an opponent, they pressure you, and the clock pressures everyone. To win you must put pressure on an opponent and play well under pressure.

On Sunday the Patriots failed to put any significant pressure on Peyton Manning. For all the talk about Manning struggling in pressure situations, he never found himself in one. The defense rarely pressured him in the pocket, his receivers weren't pressured (especially once Aqib Talib left the game), and the Patriots offense didn't pressure him to put up points.

The Pats gave up 2 touchdowns and 4 field goals. That's not bad against the Broncos. That was the third fewest points they've scored this season. The Pats defense didn't allow a huge number of points but they allowed yardage and possession time. They allowed almost 0.3 miles of offense. And they couldn't make a big third down stop.

The offensive side of the ball was an even bigger letdown. Before Denver went to softer coverage in the 4th quarter, Brady threw only a handful of good passes. He overthrew Julian Edelman on what could have been a touchdown. He missed Austin Collie just before halftime on what would have been a huge gain. What happens in this game if these two plays are made?

The plays were there. The Patriots didn't make them. In the 2nd quarter on 3rd and 9, Manning threw a duck into double coverage. And if Kyle Arrington had turned around to play the ball he probably would have intercepted it. At the very least he would have broken the play up and ended the drive. Instead it was caught by Welker for a first down. The Broncos went on to score a touchdown on that drive.

While the Patriots failed to make big plays, the Broncos succeeded. On the same drive that Arrington could have had an interception, Knowshon Moreno gained 28 yards on a 3rd and 10 draw. The Broncos sacked Brady on a pivotal 3rd and 8 play the next drive, and later in the game on a 4th and 2 attempt. Last week I wrote about the timing of big plays the Patriots made against the Colts. This week the Broncos had excellent timing against the Pats.

Tom Brady had an awful game. Maybe he has an injured hand. Maybe he has the flu. Maybe he just had a bad day. Whatever the cause, the effect was a hole dug too deeply to get out of. The defense could have done better, maybe gotten off the field on a few 3rd downs, but I think the blame for this loss lies mostly with the offense. Three points in three quarters? The Pats only scored when Denver's defense eased up.

To be fair to Brady he didn't have much to work with. With a struggling running game the offense looked shabby, like the Patriots had picked people from the stands to play. Shane Vereen was the second most targeted receiver. Danny Amendola did nothing, and had a big fat drop. You're targeting Matthew Slater and Matthew Mulligan. And when receivers did beat coverage, Brady either missed them or he was sacked.

It was an anticlimactic end to what was an exciting season. I'm not as miserable as most fans are. I enjoyed the ride, not knowing where or when it would end. I didn't set my expectations high for this team. I didn't set any expectations. I had hopes and I had doubts. The Patriots did better than my most pessimistic doubts and didn't do as well as my highest hopes.

The one thing I'm disappointed in is that the Patriots didn't go out with their best fight. They went out with a fizzle, not a bang. I think there were some missed opportunities early in this game. I think the defense could have been a bit more disguised. I would have liked to see some sellout blitzes. You couldn't take out all 4 of Manning's weapons, so focus on attacking Manning. Take a risk. What's the worse that can happen? You get burnt for a touchdown, but at least the drive is short.

The off-season should be interesting. So will next season, Pats fans, so cheer up.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Joe Mahoney

I'm Sick of Hearing About Legacies

What does this game mean for Tom Brady's legacy? Peyton Manning's? Bill Belichick's? Who needs to win a Super Bowl more this year?

Ugh...

I am so completely and utterly tired of hearing legacies discussed on sports radio and at work, and being bombarded with stories about the topic. It's trivial crap. People are speculating and conjecturating (I know that's not a word, it's a Johnnie Cochranism) about what a game to be played in the future will mean in the more distant future when people look back on the past, which is our present. That does not make sense.

Can't we just look ahead at this future game and suppose what might happen WITHIN the game itself? Can't we say the Patriots need to hit Wes Welker and put him off his game, then find a way to pressure Manning without blitzing? Can't we say that if the Broncos hold on to the ball and slow down the Pats' running game, they have a good chance of winning?

Nope! We have to philosophize about the larger meaning of the game. What does it all mean?

Which is funny because whoever wins, this game will add nothing to their "legacy" if they lose the Super Bowl.

We don't know what will happen in this game. Which is why I can't wait for it to be played. I'm anxious, nervous, excited, optimistic. I'm ready to be entertained, hopeful to be elated, prepared to be disappointed. I'm on the edge of my seat thinking about how I won't be able to sit down on Sunday.

The other reason I can't wait for this game to be played is so people will shut up about legacies. Although they won't. Because one of these QBs will go to the Super Bowl, which means 2 more weeks of legacy talk. Along with the whole "changing of the guard" theme as Brady or Manning faces Kaepernick or Wilson.

What happens on Sunday is still unknown to us, to everyone. So I'm tired of people who don't know what will happen on Sunday, arguing with each other about how those unknown events will be seen by future generations of fans. Who cares and how can you know? How can you even guess? It's like speculating about how a child who isn't even born yet will be seen by his/her future kids.

Just live in the now, people. Enjoy the exciting build up, have fun watching the game, and stop thinking about legacies.

Patriots Stampede Colts on the Ground

For the 8th time in the Brady-Belichick era, the Patriots are in the NFL's final four. That's 8 times in 12 seasons (2001-2007, 2009-2013). Enjoy these moments, Patriots fans, because times like these are rare.

The game wasn't as lopsided as the 43-22 score suggests. There were periods that the Colts were just a play away from gaining control. They never made that play. All the big plays were made by the Patriots, or went the Pats' way.

Even the safety after a high-snap on a punt was a positive result of a Patriot miscue. Had punter Ryan Allen been tackled inside the 5, the Colts probably would have soon scored a touchdown, if not almost certainly a field goal. Instead Indy was awarded with 2 points, the Patriots got to punt from the 20, and Indy put together a long drive that ended with a turnover. If not for the safety, a 21-10 game probably would have become a 21-17 game.

Here's some earth-shattering analysis: the Patriots won this game on the ground. LeGarrette Blount, Stevan Ridley, and Shane Vereen combined for 233 yards on 43 carries (5.4 per carry). They demoralized the Colts defense in the first half. In the second half, they castrated them. This success on the ground set up play-action, which allowed for some big plays in the air. The Colts also brought their safeties close to the line, which allowed Blount to score a 73-yard TD in the 4th, because once he got past the first level there was nothing but green fieldturf ahead of him. A green carpet, if you will, to the end zone. To victory.

There was one drive in the first half that especially reminded me of Corey Dillon and the 2004 Patriots. The Pats ran the ball six straight plays, achieving two first downs. Then they went play action, which the Colts bit on, and Julian Edelman made a 27-yard reception. Eventually Blount finished the drive with a touchdown. His 4 TDs set a new franchise postseason record. Curtis Martin was the previous record holder with 3.

If you look at Brady's numbers (13 of 25, 198 yards, 0 TDs) one might think he had a bad day. I thought he played quite well. He made some plays, especially on 3rd down (Pats converted 11 of 18). He protected the ball. He got rid of it when he had to. He made big plays downfield (e.g. Danny Amendola's 53-yard reception). He wasn't just a "game manager" handing it off and making the occasional safe pass play.

He was also an adequate holder. And Stephen Gostkowski was a good punter. This team does not allow injuries or change to faze them. Shit happens, do your job, even if it's a job you haven't done in years or have never done.

The defense had excellent timing. They gave up a few big plays and a few long drives. However those were all when the Patriots had control of the game. The defense didn't allow Indy to seize control of the game or build any momentum.

And the D made some big plays themselves. Alfonzo Dennard's interception on the opening drive being the most obvious example.

Jamie Collins made some of the biggest plays. When it was 21-12 his 3rd and goal coverage of Coby Fleener in the end zone forced Indy to settle for a field goal. When it was 29-22 he sacked Andrew Luck for a loss of 8 and the Colts eventually went 3 and out. When it was 36-22 his interception effectively ended the game.

Collins' timing was perfect. He made big plays at key times that prevented the Colts from building momentum to mount a comeback. And he made a big play in the 4th quarter that sealed a victory. A sack, 2 tackles for a loss, 3 QB hits, a pass defended, and an interception. It's just one standout game from the rookie but his athleticism is obvious. I'm looking forward to seeing what he does for the team in 2014.

Of course 2013 isn't over yet, not for the Patriots. The Pats have another AFC Championship game to play. This time against Peyton Manning and the Broncos. The weather forecast for Sunday's game in Denver is partly cloudy with a high of 55 and a low of 33. This week's forecast for the New England region is partly optimistic with a 100% chance of trivial speculation and excited trash talk.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Michael Dwyer

Peyton Manning's Diary: BRRRRRRRR/Happy Turkey Day!

Dear Diary,
I hate Foxborough! There aren't even any foxes! Just cold and wind and mean people. It's so hard to throw the ball when it's windy. I don't get it. Why don't they build a dome so it's easier to do things?

After writing to you, diary, I'm going to write a letter to the owner of the Broncos, asking for a roof on our stadium. And also to pressurize it like an airplane so there's exactly as much air as there was back in Indiana. In fact, I texted Coach Tony this morning, and he got a bunch of people in Indiana to go out with jars today and collect Indiana air. Then we can use that in the Mile High Dome. I hope they only get air from indoors, though.

Indiana gets cold too and they built a dome. I still don't get it.

Diary, give me a few minutes while I shake my head and smirk with frustration.






Okay I'm back. My cheeks hurt.

Anyway, Coach Tony called me the other day to make sure I was okay. I was okay once I heard his voice. Coach Tony told me that with Thanksgiving around the corner, instead of focusing on the loss to the Patriots, I should focus on what I'm thankful for. So I made a list.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for:

Balloons, both the animal kind and the non-animal kind.

Coach Tony

My family, especially Papa Bear who doesn't allow jewelry at the table so Eli can't ask me to pass the gravy and bang his rings on the table if I don't do it right away

John Elway

Hand warmers

Summer

Gravy

My agent

Gravy... again, lol

Crayons

Pizza, especially from Papa John's

Lucrative endorsement deals

That Bill Belichick isn't my coach. I know if I don't have anything nice to say I shouldn't say anything at all. But he just looks mean.

The Thanksgiving parade

All parades

My pals Eric and Wes

Cranberry sauce

Stuffing

Pumpkin pie (I'm hungry, lol)

Chores

Jeff Saturday

Artificial turf

Climate control

Ear muffs

The circus (but not clowns)

And last but not leas... you, Diary, I'm thankful for you. You're always there for me. You're like a dome for my heart.

Happy Turkey Day, Diary!

Belichick Shows Superior Logic and Superior Balls by Kicking in OT

Sunday night Bill Belichick made a coaching decision that confounded the crowd at Gillette Stadium and puzzled even his own players. By kicking to start overtime, Belichick went against conventional strategy. He took a chance by taking the wind. It worked out. And like all coaching decisions, it worked out because the players did their job once the coach made the call.

I would have elected to receive. But I get the logic behind Belichick's decision. And the more I think about it, the more I like it.

Let's say the wind had the following impacts on field goal attempts, based on what happened with warm-up kicks:

Into the wind, a 40 yard field goal would be considered ambitious but possible.

With the wind, a 55 yard field goal would be considered ambitious but possible.

So into the wind you'd need to get the ball to the 23 yard line, with the wind you'd need to get it to the 38.

The Patriots kicked off to the Broncos, almost assured of a touchback. So Manning and the Broncos would start at their 20, needing to move the ball 80 yards for a touchdown or 57 yards for a field goal.

During regulation, the Broncos had an 80 yard drive and a 70 yard drive. They had 10 drives under 50 yards, and 9 drives under 25 yards. Denver's 70 yard drive was with the wind, their 80 yard drive was against it.

In OT, if Denver drives 80 yards for a TD, the game's over.

If the Broncos kick a field goal, they need to drive 57 yards to have a reasonable chance, and then they'd kick off to the Patriots, who would probably get it at the 20, although with the wind they might get it with a shorter field. Let's just say the 20.

Down 3 and needing to match a field goal, starting from the 20 the Patriots would need to drive 42 yards to get within range. The Patriots had three 40+ yard drives during regulation, and seven drives of 30+. They'd also be able to use all 4 downs to move the ball.

If the Broncos try a field goal and miss, the Patriots might have an even shorter field to work with.

If the Broncos fail to get within field goal range and punt, then the Patriots are in fantastic shape. They have the wind, they have less distance to get to field goal range. Even if they fail to attempt a field goal, they're in position to give Denver poor field position, especially with the wind helping the Patriots punter (which is what happened).

The Patriots defense did its job in preventing Denver from scoring on the opening drive. But had they done even better, and held Denver to a 3 and out, and forced a 40 yard punt (long for a punter kicking into the wind) from the 20, then the Patriots would have gotten the ball back on their 40, only 22 yards from reasonable field goal range.

After each team had a possession, the overtime became a field position battle. And even though Denver had an advantage with odd-numbered possessions, Manning had to throw into the wind, the Broncos had to punt into the wind, the kicker would have to kick into the wind.

For this edge, Belichick risked a first possession touchdown, and the game ending with his best players touching the ball.

Even if you disagree with it, you must respect the the balls necessary to take the risk. Belichick has audacity. And many coaches that struggle to reach that next level of success often fail to do so because they play it too safe, they play prevent defenses, they hand the ball off to Knowshon Moreno when they're up 24-0.

There was logic behind Belichick's decision. We can debate the soundness of that logic all we want. What's not up for debate is that Belichick is fearless. He makes decisions and doesn't care what anyone thinks, doesn't worry about them failing. He's bold. He's daring.

That's one of his defining characteristics, and one of the reasons he's been so successful.

Never Leave Gillette Stadium Early

I can just imagine how pissed off at themselves fans who left last night’s game early were. They were probably on the highway, cruising along with minimal traffic, heat blasting waves of warm air, physically comfortable and emotionally pained. Miserable because they missed one of the best games of the year.

And that misery is deserved. Those people should be pissed at themselves. I’m pissed at them too. You drop a couple hundred bucks on tickets/parking/food/beer, you wear 20 layers of clothes, you still freeze your nads and/or tits off, and you leave at halftime?

Stay for a few plays in the 3rd quarter. Give it a half hour. See if the Pats can score or maybe stop a few Denver drives and make the game entertaining. It was only one play away from 24-7, two plays away from 24-14.

The game was entertaining. One thing the Patriots haven’t been this year is dull.

It started horribly. The Stadium had the same ugly vibe it had in the 2009 playoff game against Baltimore. Shock. A stunned irritation. So much anticipation for such a big game and then a massive let down in the first two quarters.

Give credit to this team for not packing it in and for coming out hard in the 3rd quarter. This offense is definitely back running on all cylinders, with Rob Gronkowski as the turbo charger.

Tom Brady’s throws are more decisive. He threw into the wind so much better than Manning. Brady was 17 of 23 for over 200 yards into the wind.

He has a full complement to throw to. The captain has a full crew. Rob Gronkowski changes the shape of the offense and forces defenses to change everything they do. Julian Edelman had a monster game with 110 yards and 2 TDs. Shane Vereen’s return the past few games has been a big boost. Kenbrell Thompkins can now be more comfortable as a supporting actor and not feel pressure to produce like a star.

The pressure isn’t on one receiver anymore. Danny Amendola doesn’t have to catch 10 passes a game. Aaron Dobson doesn’t have to lead the team in receiving yardage.

Tom Brady is now 10-4 lifetime against Peyton Manning. You can’t fault Manning for the punt return fumble at the end of overtime. You can blame Wes Welker for being indecisive and not helping his blocker out. That’s his job, he didn’t do it. And you can also blame Manning for throwing poorly in poor conditions. That’s always been an issue with him.

Screw Manning and screw Welker.

Within one game the Patriots turned themselves from a 7-4 team tied with the Bengals and Colts (and disadvantaged tie-breaker wise), and only 2 games up in the division, to an 8-3 team, the #2 seed in the AFC (with a potential tie-breaker over Denver if the Broncos lose again), with a 3 game divisional lead.

In other words, this was a huge win.

The schedule gets easier and warmer with a trip to Houston.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Steven Senne

The Tom Brady-Peyton Manning Era Is Nearing an End

I'm not saying the Brady-Manning era is over. It clearly is not since the two future Hall of Famers have the second and third best records in the AFC. Nor am I suggesting that Brady and Manning are the only elite QBs in the League. But for over a decade they have been at the center of AFC football, winning 4 Championships, representing the AFC in 7 Super Bowls, and claiming 6 MVP awards.

But Manning is 37. Brady's 36. How much longer can these guys continue to be so prominent in the game?

On Sunday Manning was limping on an apparently injured ankle. Brady's been denying that he has an injured throwing hand, but it appears to be swollen. How much longer can these guys endure the brutality of the game? How many more years can they play 16 games in 17 weeks, then play in even tougher postseason games? How much longer can they play at the highest level?

Manning's been sacked 265 times in his career. Brady 329. That doesn't include all the hits after they've released the ball, all the times they've been blocked hard during an interception or fumble return.

How many more throws do their arms have? How many more scrambles do their legs have? How many more progressions do their eyes have? How many more audibles do their minds have?

Manning is having an excellent year in Denver. Brady's 2013 season hasn't been nearly as impressive, but the team is 7-2 and there have been glimpses of greatness. Last week's win over Pittsburgh was vintage Brady. And his game-winning TD pass against the Saints was sheer brilliance.

If the season ended today, the Patriots and Broncos would be the 2 and 3 seeds in the AFC playoffs, respectively. The Broncos have the 2nd best record in the Conference and the Patriots the 3rd best. Peyton is putting up absurd numbers out in Denver. Brady has struggled, but once again has the support of a strong defense, which makes the Patriots a dangerous team in the playoffs.

The Broncos face the Pats on November 24th in Foxborough.

So enjoy this rivalry while it lasts. This might be one of the final years that both these guys can play at the top of their game, competing for Super Bowls and MVPs.

The Broncos Don't Impress Me Much

What's with the Eagles fan hugging Thomas in this picture? Weird.

I'm not saying that the Broncos aren't good. I'm not saying that the Broncos aren't great. All I'm saying is that I'm not nearly as impressed by 52 points and 4-0 records as most everyone else seems to be.

I've seen this show before. In 2007 with the Patriots. That team had an offense so good that most NFL teams couldn't handle it. The margins of victory inflated as opponents tried in vain to keep up. And the Pats kept piling on the points.

Speaking of which, why the hell did Denver kick a field goal up 49-13 in the 4th quarter Sunday? With 6:53 on the clock and on 4th and 11, the Broncos attempted a 53-yard field goal to increase their lead from 36 to 39. This difference would have made the Eagles try for 2-point conversions 4 times instead of just once. That is if the Eagles managed to score 5 touchdowns in the remaining 6:53.

Why kick that to go to 52? Why not go for it on 4th down, probably fail, and let the clock eventually tick to 0?

Anyway, the Broncos remind me of the Oregon Ducks. Which is funny because they beat Chip Kelly on Sunday. For all of Oregon's offensive prowess, they haven't won a National Championship. Ever. They've been to one BCS title game and lost to Auburn, 22-19. Legions of pundits seem to think that NFL teams want to be like Oregon, but they don't. The Ducks' system doesn't even work in college. There are some interesting things to learn about it, but overall its success has been drastically overshadowed by the traditional fundamentals of Alabama and other SEC teams.

What happens is Oregon beats the tar out of weaker competition, like Portland State, like Washington, like Washington State. But when they get into a tight, tough game, especially one that requires the defense to step up and make plays, they fail. In the early season against weak competition they routinely score 40, 50, 60 points per game. And everyone sucks their kneecaps for scoring 7 TDs against inferior opponents. Then they get tested and either the offense can't score at will or the defense can't contain their opponent when it matters most.

And the Broncos seem so much like the Ducks. I don't care about margin of victory. Win a tough, close game and then I'll be impressed. Or dominate a team that can play on the same level talent-wise.

I know 4-0 is 4-0 is 4-0. But the Chiefs are 4-0. The Patriots and Seahawks are 4-0. The Saints and Dolphins are 3-0. So what makes Denver so superior to those teams? Because they score more points? Who cares?

The Broncos are in Indy on October 20th and that's a test. In November they play the Chiefs, then the Pats, then the Chiefs again. That Sunday Night game in Foxborough will be like the Oregon Ducks travelling to Stanford.

Until then, I'm as impressed with the Broncos putting 52 up on the 1-3 Eagles as I am with Oregon scoring 55 against 1-3 Cal or 66 against Nicholls State.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo, Joe Mahoney

Peyton Manning's Diary: Pro Bowl Time!

Aloha, diary!

I love Hawaii. And I love the Pro Bowl. Hawaii is such a fun place, even though it's hard to spell. When me and all the other players got off the plane in Honolulu (what a fun word to say!), the guys started joking around with me. One of the pretty hula girls put those flower necklaces around my neck. J.J. Watt made everyone laugh when he said "Hey, Peyton finally got laid." I didn't get it, but I smiled. I like when people laugh with me. It makes me happy.

People like me. And that's fun.

The game was fun, too. Coach Fox came along. I like Coach Fox for two reasons:

#1: His name reminds me of Coach Hayden Fox from Coach. I loved that show. Especially Dauber. He was silly. I wanted to play football at Minnesota State, but Pa made me go to Tennessee.

#2: His name also reminds me of one of my favorite movies when I was a teenager: The Fox and the Hound.

Every day at practice, I sniff my way up to Coach Fox, then howl. I want him to say "I'm a fox!" He just shakes his head, though. Oh well!

I still like him. He's not as nice as Coach Tony, but he's still nice.

Some of my old friends were at the Pro Bowl. Reggie was there. And so was Jeff! And my little "bro" Eli!!!

They let Jeff snap the ball to me one last time. It was nice. It's nice when TV and the League do nice things for me. They like me.

I told my old joke to Jeff that I used to tell him when we played together, that since he plays football he should change his name to Sunday! We chuckled. Jeff used to carry me through airport terminals if the walk from the plane to the bus was too long.

We lost the game, but I'm used to losing the last game of the year. People still gave me all sorts of compliments. Like they usually do.

Jeff and I went out for pizza. We invited Reggie, but all he did was send us a text saying "I'm too old for Chuckie Cheese."

We had a Hawaiian pizza, but it was yucky. So we sent it back and got pepperoni! And Jeff let me have the last slice.

I miss Hawaii already.

Peyton Manning's Diary: Can't Wait for Pro Bowl

Dear Diary,
I'm upset! I don't get to play football anymore, not until the Pro Bowl in Hawaii. And I do like the trip to Hawaii, and enjoy my regular season accomplishments being appreciated, I just wish I got to play more football with my friends. I wish I could play football in Hawaii and New Orleans. But not Foxborough. It's too cold there! Brrrrrrrr!

This is just like college. We'd play a regular season, then a single game after the regular season, then things would be over. That's how it's been for most of my career in the NFL. This is the 8th time my season has ended after only one bonus game.

I want to keep playing football but I can't anymore. I need to rest and make time for commercials, and pizza. That's what Coach Tony always said in Indianapolis: losing early meant more time for pizza parties. I get more time to rest now. And more time to play Mario Kart!

I feel bad for people in Colorado. Last year they had a crappy quarterback and won a playoff game. This year they have me, a great quarterback, and we were outshined by Joe Flacco, who was the QB at Delaware.

I think one problem we had was that I'm too good at reading defenses. And I'm too good of a teammate. We had a 3rd and 7 play late in the game, and I changed the play (because I'm so smart) to a run. It was because of my superior analysis, along with being a phenomenal teammate willing to give the ball to someone else in pivotal situations. That's what cost us the game. I felt bad for Ronnie because he doesn't get to touch the ball much. That's why I let him have it five plays in a row.

I'm sure it was our kicker's fault too.

Kickers don't like me. Even Adam didn't invite me to his spaghetti and whine (who would want to whine after a football game that we'd won?) parties back in Indiana. He said it was because I couldn't handle the sauce. I'm not sure what that means. I love Prego. And I love Papa John's. I love tomato sauce!

Thankfully, most people on ESPN and in the national sports media keep my big secret, that I'm 9-11 in the playoffs, and have lost 8 times in my first playoff game. ESPN loves me, and will not talk about how much I dislike playoff games. Most media ignore how often my team gets beat in the playoffs. That's very nice of them. That's thanks to Coach Tony and the pizza parties he'd open up to the media back in Indiana.

Anyway, I'll be filming more commercials (some with my brother I hope). And I'll watch Coach Tony on TV with that mean old Rodney Harri-bum. Ha Ha Ha. Don't tell Coach Tony I used that word. He'd frown.

Thanks for listening, diary. I love you.

And see you in Hawaii, diary. Aloha!

-Peyton

Brady Beats Manning... What Else Is New

Tom Brady improved to 9-4 in his career against Peyton Manning. Although like many of those famous victories in 2003 and 2004, the Patriots beat Manning as a team.

The Pats put up some collegiate style stats. They rushed for 251 yards on 54 carries. They only threw the ball 31 times. They ran 89 plays. At times it reminded me of watching Clemson, or especially Oregon. High-paced, quick-snapping, no-huddle offense. It doesn't work all the time, but it worked against Denver.

Wes Welker had another Wes Welker kind of day. 8 receptions, 104 yards, his first TD of the season. I think the best thing to happen to this offense was the injury to Julian Edelman. Welker's talents were being wasted as a third/fourth option. After the game he jokingly remarked that it was nice to "Stick it in Bill's face."

There are a number of things Wes Welker can't do. But only Wes Welker can do what Wes Welker does. He gets open in a instant, he's slippery, he's a compact target to tackle, he's durable. He's like a small pickup truck with a turbo-charged engine.

This game turned on some big 3rd and long conversions, along with some Denver mistakes. In other words, there's room for improvement. And that's not me being pessimistic, it's me being optimistic. This team has potential to be amazing if they can put 60 good minutes together.

Defensively, there were some lapses, also some big plays allowed. The forced fumbles were pivotal. And Alfonzo Dennard looked pretty good in his first ever NFL game. As always for this unit, it was a mixed bag.

Offensively, my only complaint is that for one drive in the 4th the Pats went away from the run, which had been working so well. It was as if Josh McDaniels wanted to drive the stake into Denver with a few big pass plays, instead of continuing to slowly torture them.

And I don't mind the 4th & 5 attempt. I do think that if you intend to go for it on 4th & 5, why not run on 3rd & 5? It'd been working all day. But up by as many as they were, I have no problem with the Patriots being aggressive in that part of the field.

The Pats aren't perfect. No team in the NFL is. The Patriots have a defense that surrenders big plays and makes big plays. They have an offense that can beat you in a multitude of ways. So long as they do their job and execute, the only team that can truly beat the Patriots is the Patriots.

Pats at Seahawks next Sunday.

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AP Photo