Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Peyton Manning's Diary: Can't Wait for Pro Bowl

Dear Diary,
I'm upset! I don't get to play football anymore, not until the Pro Bowl in Hawaii. And I do like the trip to Hawaii, and enjoy my regular season accomplishments being appreciated, I just wish I got to play more football with my friends. I wish I could play football in Hawaii and New Orleans. But not Foxborough. It's too cold there! Brrrrrrrr!

This is just like college. We'd play a regular season, then a single game after the regular season, then things would be over. That's how it's been for most of my career in the NFL. This is the 8th time my season has ended after only one bonus game.

I want to keep playing football but I can't anymore. I need to rest and make time for commercials, and pizza. That's what Coach Tony always said in Indianapolis: losing early meant more time for pizza parties. I get more time to rest now. And more time to play Mario Kart!

I feel bad for people in Colorado. Last year they had a crappy quarterback and won a playoff game. This year they have me, a great quarterback, and we were outshined by Joe Flacco, who was the QB at Delaware.

I think one problem we had was that I'm too good at reading defenses. And I'm too good of a teammate. We had a 3rd and 7 play late in the game, and I changed the play (because I'm so smart) to a run. It was because of my superior analysis, along with being a phenomenal teammate willing to give the ball to someone else in pivotal situations. That's what cost us the game. I felt bad for Ronnie because he doesn't get to touch the ball much. That's why I let him have it five plays in a row.

I'm sure it was our kicker's fault too.

Kickers don't like me. Even Adam didn't invite me to his spaghetti and whine (who would want to whine after a football game that we'd won?) parties back in Indiana. He said it was because I couldn't handle the sauce. I'm not sure what that means. I love Prego. And I love Papa John's. I love tomato sauce!

Thankfully, most people on ESPN and in the national sports media keep my big secret, that I'm 9-11 in the playoffs, and have lost 8 times in my first playoff game. ESPN loves me, and will not talk about how much I dislike playoff games. Most media ignore how often my team gets beat in the playoffs. That's very nice of them. That's thanks to Coach Tony and the pizza parties he'd open up to the media back in Indiana.

Anyway, I'll be filming more commercials (some with my brother I hope). And I'll watch Coach Tony on TV with that mean old Rodney Harri-bum. Ha Ha Ha. Don't tell Coach Tony I used that word. He'd frown.

Thanks for listening, diary. I love you.

And see you in Hawaii, diary. Aloha!


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