Saturday, March 12, 2005

Nicknames: Position Players, BC, Celtics

Now it is time to give the position players nicknames. Some of these are old, some are new.

Doug "The Grand Baron" Mirabelli
The best backup catcher in baseball deserves a grand nickname. Going along the same theme as Varitek's nickname (that's coming up) Doug has been given a noble title of distinction. Furthermore, because he has hit a few Grand Slams, he is the GRAND Baron.

Kelly "Insurance" Shoppach
All throughout the offseason while Varitek and Mirabelli's fates were unknown, the end of every sentence dealing with these guys was "well, we got Shoppach in Pawtucket."

Jason "The Count" Varitek or Captain Tek
This guy just looks like a Count. He's big and somewhat scary. Captain Tek is somewhat obvious. He is the captain of the Red Sox.

Mark "Rodney Dangerfield" Bellhorn
Much like Rodney, Mark gets absolutely NO respect in this market. All the stupid Pokey Reese fans who are already overrated Edgar Renteria (who I like by the way, I even bought a Renteria t-shirt today, but I think people are overrating him a la Pokey Reese) are saying Renteria should bat 2nd, not Bellhorn. Mark was part of the reason why the Sox were such an offensive machine last season, and you don't fix stuff that isn't broke.

Kevin "Moose" Millar or The High Life
Moose is a classic from when I first did this on the old blog. The High Life is pretty obvious. I think Millar is a High Life man.

Johnny "The Evangelist" Damon
This is an ode to an old time player who stole aobut 80 bases a year without getting caught. I forget his exact name and will try to find it on

The Glove (Jay Payton)
Homage to Gary Payton of the soon to be world champion Celtics.

Manny "Lunchbox" Ramirez
This was a suggestion last year. I think it fits.

David "Crusher" Ortiz
We all know he is Big Papi, but DO is also the Crusher. This goes back to one day in 2003 before the Sox played the Yankees at Fenway. I was sitting on the dugout during BP as Big Papi came out. I yelled at him "David, you're gonna crush em!" He grinned and replied "Oh yeah." One of the best moments of my life.

I still need nicknames for Alejandro Machado, Bill Mueller, Hanley Ramirez, Edgar Renteria, Ramon Vazquez, Kevin Youkilis, Adam Hyzdu, Trot Nixon, and Adam Stern so leave a comment or e-mail me. Next time, I'll give some of the Yankees nicknames.

Boston College got a 4 seed and will be playing Ivy League champion Penn in the 1st round. Then they have the winner of the Alabama/UW-Milwaulkee game. Then they will probably have Illinois if they mnake it to the 3rd round. I don't have BC going very far in my bracket.

The only other New England teams in the tourney are UConn and Vermont. I fucking hate UConn and I would be very happy to see UVM beat the Cuse in the 1st round.

The Celtics are flying as high as I've ever seen them. They beat the Wizards 105-101 the other night. They play the hapless Bobcats tonight in Charlotte.

Nicknames: Pitchers

It's that time of year again. Time to come up with new nicknames for the new players, new ones for old players, and to remind people of the old nicknames. In the past 2 years, my nicknames have usually been negative because we were losers the year before. This year, however, I think they'll be a good amount of positive ones with a few negatives thrown in. For now, I'm just doing the pitchers, I'll do the position players next time.

Honest Abe Alvarez
Duh, allusion to Abe Lincoln, 16th president. I don't expect Alvarez to reuinte any countries but it would be nice if he could excel at AAA Pawtucket

Bronson No Cornrowyo
I miss the cornrows

Matt the Missile Clement
His name is kind of like Clemens's and Roger was the Rocket so why can't Matt be the Missile?

Manny Numero Dos (Manny Delcarmen)
I doubt Delcarmen will ever be referred to by his first name in this organization for a few years at least. Another possiiblity would be Manny II, or El otro Manny.

Lenny DinATO
Lenny is a member of my friend's frat (Alpha Tau Omega) and people often forget to pronounce the "r" in his name and turn the "d" into a "t" sound.

Lefty Embree
If you need help with this one, you probably don't watch much baseball. It's not original but he's the best lefthanded reliever on the team.

Keith "Beat the Traffic" Foulke
When he comes in, you can probably feel safe to leave the ballpark to beat the traffic because the game is most likely over.

John Halamanamalamana
Anyone who listens to WEEI's Big Show knows that Pete Shepherd has trouble pronouncing names and John Halama was no exception.

McCoy Stadium Kim
The only time BH Kim is going to see Fenway this year is if he buys tickets on a Paw Sox of day.

Sleepy Mark Malaska
Anyone who has seen Eight Men Out knows who Sleepy Bill Burns was and if you don't know, he was a mediocre pitcher whose biggest claim to fame was being involved in the 1919 Black Sox scandal. Mark Malaska just screams mediocrity and that leads to sleepiness, hence the name.

The Only Martinez (Anastacio Martinez)
Since Pedro left, Anastacio is the closest thing we have to him. We should get Ramon Martinez to be a coach or something.

Luis "Thank God it isn't Ramiro" Mendoza
The name says it all. Thank God the embedded Yankee is gone. And guess who signed Ramiro to a minor league deal? The New York Yankees. Hmmmmmmmmm. Interesting.

Christ Schilling
I don't beleive in God, but I do beleive in Curt Schilling. The man came to Boston and went through alot of suffering to deliver us from the Curse. And now, a short prayer to Curt:

Our pitcher, who lives in Dover.
Hallowed be thy arm
Thy fastball come
Thy will be done
In Fenway as it is on the road
Give us a win, our daily bread
And inform the police of drunk drivers
As we inform the police of drunk drivers
And lead us not into last place
But deliver us from Steinbrenner.

Knuckles Wakefield
Knuckles sounds like a tough guy's nickname which is why I picked it. for its irony. This isn't to say Wakefield isn't tough, but he's not the type of guy who would have a name like knuckles unless he threw alot of knuckleballs.

Babe Wells
A fat, beer guzzling, hot dog eating, loudmouth lefthanded pitcher on the Red Sox? Why the hell not. We won 3 World Series with Ruth.

That does it for the pitchers. I still need nicknames for Tim Bausher, Juan Cedeno, Matt Mantei, Wade Miller, Anibel Sanchez, Chris Smith, and Mike Timlin. I also welcome suggestions for players who already have a nickname. E-mail me at

The Sox lost to the D-Rays 6-4.

The Arsenal beat Bolton 1-0 to advance to the FA Cup Semifinal.

Making a Statement

Detroit Pistons 113
Boston Celtics 115 - 2OT

Paul Pierce came out tonight and along with his teammates, made a statement to the National Basketball Association. The Celtics are contenders again. The Truth had 38 points, 12 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals, and a block. The block was on the last shot of the game which could have won it for Detroit had Pierce not gotten a finger tip on it. The Celtics could have lost this game at several points and missed a few opportunities to win it, but they stayed strong and came out on top.

In other news, David Patten was let go by the Patriots and they picked up speedy WR Tim Dwight. The Sox lost to the Blue Jays 7-3 which puts their records at 6-4, 4-4, and 2-1. Holy Cross lost to Bucknell in the Patriot League final. They pulled a BC and had a shitty 1st half then nearly came back only to lose.

UNH advanced to the Hockey East Semifinals with a 4-0 win over Northeastern. Providence College upset BU 4-1. Top seed Boston College needed overtime to beat UMass 3-2. Maine crushed UMass-Lowell 7-2. BU, UMass, and UMass-Lowell need to win tomorrow night in order to stay alive in the Hockey East tournament.

Apparently Kevin Millar is going to be appearing on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I'm not a huge fan of the show but I'll probably watch this episode.