Showing posts with label Thanksgiving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thanksgiving. Show all posts

Friday, November 29, 2013

Steelers-Ravens Game Almost Decided by Stupid Application of Rules

A late 4th quarter touchdown scored by the Pittsburgh Steelers was overturned last night. Why? Because a Steelers running back Le'Veon Bell's helmet popped off just before he carried the ball across the goal-line. The helmet came off due to a helmet-to-helmet hit initiated by a Ravens defender. There was no penalty called.

I understand the rule that play should stop once a helmet comes off. That's been a rule in college football for years. An official sees a helmet come off, for whatever reason, and the play is blown dead. It's a rule strictly for player safety. And it makes sense.

What doesn't make sense is the ability to review a play that's already ended, and decide when it would have theoretically ended had the refs blown a whistle the instant a helmet came off. How does this time-travelling hindsight whistle improve player safety? The play has already been run and finished. You can't go back in time and protect a vulnerable player AFTER the play is over. You can't go back and stop the play before the player became vulnerable.

I hate how influential rules can be when they're applied outside of their spirit and intention. Last night a player safety rule was applied in a way that did NOTHING to improve player safety, and did nothing to punish the person who jeopardized the player's safety in the first place (the Ravens defender). However it could have had a significant impact on the outcome of the game.

So no impact on player safety, possible impact on the game's outcome, and the rule is used. Makes no sense.

I'm so utterly, utterly sick and tired of NFL games turning because of the rulebook and the literal or inconsistent or vague application of those rules. What happened to analyzing games for player performances and coaching decisions? Now games are analyzed by quoting rules and consulting former officials. Rules are meant to govern games, not direct them.

The fact that a player safety rule was invoked where it had no impact on player safety does not make sense.

The fact that a guy gets clobbered as he's diving across the goal-line, so hard that his helmet pops off his head, and that's what allowed refs to effectively go back in time and blow a whistle to stop the play, does not make sense.

The fact that this type of play is reviewable does not make sense.

The fact that rules against things like helmet-to-helmet contact can't be enforced in review, but this rule can, does not make sense. That's something that actually could improve player safety.

The spirit of these rules means nothing to the NFL or to its officials. It's literal lawyering, it's asinine, it's confusing, it's lame. It makes NFL games aggravating not entertaining.

Or maybe the refs are trying to quietly get revenge on the NFL for last year's lockout. Hmmmmm. Conspiracy theory.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Peyton Manning's Diary: BRRRRRRRR/Happy Turkey Day!

Dear Diary,
I hate Foxborough! There aren't even any foxes! Just cold and wind and mean people. It's so hard to throw the ball when it's windy. I don't get it. Why don't they build a dome so it's easier to do things?

After writing to you, diary, I'm going to write a letter to the owner of the Broncos, asking for a roof on our stadium. And also to pressurize it like an airplane so there's exactly as much air as there was back in Indiana. In fact, I texted Coach Tony this morning, and he got a bunch of people in Indiana to go out with jars today and collect Indiana air. Then we can use that in the Mile High Dome. I hope they only get air from indoors, though.

Indiana gets cold too and they built a dome. I still don't get it.

Diary, give me a few minutes while I shake my head and smirk with frustration.






Okay I'm back. My cheeks hurt.

Anyway, Coach Tony called me the other day to make sure I was okay. I was okay once I heard his voice. Coach Tony told me that with Thanksgiving around the corner, instead of focusing on the loss to the Patriots, I should focus on what I'm thankful for. So I made a list.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for:

Balloons, both the animal kind and the non-animal kind.

Coach Tony

My family, especially Papa Bear who doesn't allow jewelry at the table so Eli can't ask me to pass the gravy and bang his rings on the table if I don't do it right away

John Elway

Hand warmers

Summer

Gravy

My agent

Gravy... again, lol

Crayons

Pizza, especially from Papa John's

Lucrative endorsement deals

That Bill Belichick isn't my coach. I know if I don't have anything nice to say I shouldn't say anything at all. But he just looks mean.

The Thanksgiving parade

All parades

My pals Eric and Wes

Cranberry sauce

Stuffing

Pumpkin pie (I'm hungry, lol)

Chores

Jeff Saturday

Artificial turf

Climate control

Ear muffs

The circus (but not clowns)

And last but not leas... you, Diary, I'm thankful for you. You're always there for me. You're like a dome for my heart.

Happy Turkey Day, Diary!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Patriots-Jets Drinking Game: Thanksgiving Edition

Thanksgiving, a time for football and goddamned snacks. And after dealing with your family for a few hours, you might want to drink heavily.

Anytime a commentator says...
"Thanksgiving" = 1 drink from a beer
"Happy" = 1 drink
"Turkey" = 1 drink
"Gobble" = 1 shot of Wild Turkey
"Snack" = 1 drink
"Trimmings" = 1 drink
"Potatoes" = 1 shot of vodka
"Cranberry" = 1 cup of vodka and cranberry
"Stuffing" = 1 drink
"Yams" = drink beer for 10 seconds
"Gravy" = drink a gravy boat full of beer
"Feast" = 1 drink

Anytime this is on the screen:
A member of the broadcast crew greeting their family = 1 drink
A turkey (living, cooked, or cartoon) = 1 drink
Rex Ryan smiling = 1 drink
Bill Belichick scowling = 1 drink
Bill Parcells = 1 drink
Eric Mangini = 1 drink
Curtis Martin = drink for 28 seconds
A player or coach wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving = 1 drink
Pilgrims = 1 drink
Plymouth Rock = drink as much as you can for 16 minutes and 20 seconds (16:20)
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Bob Kraft talking = drink as long as he talks

Anytime this happens:
The broadcasters thank you for welcoming them into your home = drink for 15 seconds
Tom Brady yells "Alpha Milk" = 1 drink
Brady points out the "Mike" = 1 drink
Patriots get a 1st down = 1 drink
Patriots go no-huddle = 1 drink per snap
Patriots allow 15+ yard pass play = 1 drink
Mark Sanchez makes a dumb throw = 1 drink
Sanchez throws a pass that's tipped = 1 drink
Patriots force a turnover = 1 drink
Vince Wilfork forces or recovers a turnover = 1 drink
Wilfork returns a turnover for a TD = 1 whole beer, 1 shot, 1 pumpkin pie
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff return = drink during the entire return

Please get lubed up responsibly and have a happy Thanksgiving.