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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Patriots-Jets Drinking Game: Thanksgiving Edition

Thanksgiving, a time for football and goddamned snacks. And after dealing with your family for a few hours, you might want to drink heavily.

Anytime a commentator says...
"Thanksgiving" = 1 drink from a beer
"Happy" = 1 drink
"Turkey" = 1 drink
"Gobble" = 1 shot of Wild Turkey
"Snack" = 1 drink
"Trimmings" = 1 drink
"Potatoes" = 1 shot of vodka
"Cranberry" = 1 cup of vodka and cranberry
"Stuffing" = 1 drink
"Yams" = drink beer for 10 seconds
"Gravy" = drink a gravy boat full of beer
"Feast" = 1 drink

Anytime this is on the screen:
A member of the broadcast crew greeting their family = 1 drink
A turkey (living, cooked, or cartoon) = 1 drink
Rex Ryan smiling = 1 drink
Bill Belichick scowling = 1 drink
Bill Parcells = 1 drink
Eric Mangini = 1 drink
Curtis Martin = drink for 28 seconds
A player or coach wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving = 1 drink
Pilgrims = 1 drink
Plymouth Rock = drink as much as you can for 16 minutes and 20 seconds (16:20)
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Bob Kraft talking = drink as long as he talks

Anytime this happens:
The broadcasters thank you for welcoming them into your home = drink for 15 seconds
Tom Brady yells "Alpha Milk" = 1 drink
Brady points out the "Mike" = 1 drink
Patriots get a 1st down = 1 drink
Patriots go no-huddle = 1 drink per snap
Patriots allow 15+ yard pass play = 1 drink
Mark Sanchez makes a dumb throw = 1 drink
Sanchez throws a pass that's tipped = 1 drink
Patriots force a turnover = 1 drink
Vince Wilfork forces or recovers a turnover = 1 drink
Wilfork returns a turnover for a TD = 1 whole beer, 1 shot, 1 pumpkin pie
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff return = drink during the entire return

Please get lubed up responsibly and have a happy Thanksgiving.

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