UNBELIEVABLE, UNFORGETTABLE, INEXCUSABLE

Heads are going to roll. And the first head that should roll is the bald, beefy melon of Claude "Les Choke" Julien. This guy is now 21-21 as a head coach in the playoffs, 1-3 in Game 7s (0-3 with the Bruins), and behind the B's bench his teams are 2-7 in games that they can eliminate their opponents. This guy is not a winner. Just replace "Elliot Ness" with "Claude Julien" in this clip:



And of course, it was a too-many-men penalty that allowed Philly to score their game-winning goal. The Bruins have been notorious for having too-many-men penalties called on them all season. I can't find the actual statistics for it, but I'd venture to say that the B's have had too-many-men on the ice about a dozen times this season. And of course, Philly fans will revel in the irony, as it was a missed too-many-men call that allowed Marco Sturm to score the game-winner in the Winter Classic.



But to pinpoint only one failure, one mistake, would be taking it easy on the Bruins. This was such an epic Bruins collapse that it can't just be because of one play, or even two. Countless errors, shortcomings, and fuckups have led us to this sad place. This was a clinic of defeatism. This is the biggest choke in Bruins history, which true fans of this team know is quite an allegation. It's like accusing the French of having the biggest defeat in their military's history.

The Bruins went up by 3 goals in Game 7. How? By outplaying Philadelphia. Plain and simple. The first goal was a great sequence, with Lucic blocking a shot, keying a breakaway which failed, but then winning the puck on the boards, allowing Savard to take a nice shot. The puck dribbled out to the neutral zone, but a tired Hartnell got sloppy with his stick and the B's earned a power-play. Faceoff win, Chara shoots, big rebound, Ryder has the best finish of his season and it's 1-0 B's.

Second goal: Wideman carries the puck in on another power-play, brilliant centering pass to Lucic, who simply has to tap it in. 2-0 Bruins.



Third goal: Lucic wins a battle in the defensive zone, with Philly's defensemen so involved on offense, this win triggers a 3-on-1 breakaway. Lucic wisely keeps it himself and goes 5-hole on Leighton. 3-0 Bruins.

But I have a saying for Claude Julien's Bruins. I'm much more comfortable with a 2 goal Bruins lead than a 3 goal lead. The B's get foolish with 3 goal leads. They try to be too clever. They don't value possession of the puck anymore. And they typically forget what it was that actually got them that 3 goal lead. In poker it's called "reverse tilt," when things go so well that a player kind of goes nuts, just assuming that he'll continue to get lucky and run well forever.

The B's kept the pressure up, and showed good puck support. They were relentless along the boards. Then in the defensive zone, that puck support failed. Wideman moved the puck along from the corner, but Satan whiffed on it. This allowed Philly to regain possession. A couple odd bounces later, and it's 3-1. But the bounces would have never happened had Satan played Hockey 101 and been able to move the puck along and out of the zone. Inexcusable.

The 2nd period has been dominated by the Flyers in this series. A clear indication of Peter Laviolette's outcoaching of Claude Julien. Going into Game 7's middle frame, Philly had outscored Boston 8-3 in 2nd periods. That turned into 10-3.

The Bruins came out decently, but couldn't get much on net. Leighton was reeling but the B's weren't able to do anything to capitalize. They were actually shooting too much, instead of waiting for clear shooting lanes, they allowed the Flyers to block shots (18 in total). Then Hartnell outworked the Bruins in the offensive zone and was able to sneak in a severe angle shot. 3-2 Flyers. Wake up time, right? Not for a Claude Julien team. Snooze button time.

The Flyers continued to get to every loose puck. They were hungry again. And should we be surprised? That's how Philly has been when they've faced defeat. Briere scored an excellent wraparound goal. And what a surprise, Andrew "Why Did I Get a Contract Extension" Ference was on the ice, and fell down as Briere maneuvered around him then the net.

But hey, the B's ended the 2nd period with a nice 5 minutes of possession, getting a few shots on goal, keeping Philly from doing anything more. Like a girl with a pretty face, nice legs, and a pudgy beer belly, the 2nd period had a good start, an ugly middle, and a good end.

The 3rd was crazy. Leighton made some big saves. Rask made some big saves. The Bruins were giving away the puck too easily, particularly Wideman and Chara. But Rask was forgiving them. The Flyers hit a post. The Bruins hit two posts. It seemed as though OT was predestined. Then the Bruins put 6 skaters on the ice.

It was unforced. And by that I mean that there was no panic, no confusion in a hurried situation, it was just your run-of-the-mill fuckup. It wasn't like when the puck drifts toward the benches during a change and someone plays it too early. It was an inexcusable, unforgettable, unbelievable mistake. The Bruins put 6 skaters on the ice. As if it were no big deal. But the refs can count to 6.

And give credit to Simon Gagne. As much as I'm blaming the Bruins for this loss, the Flyers showed us here in Boston how real scorers finish. Gagne's goal was just good solid offense.

Then air. A few near misses, a few nifty saves from Leighton, but the clock dwindled down seemingly at double-speed. And the season was over.

It's silly to discuss, but if you'd asked me in February if I'd be happy if the B's lost in a Game 7 of the 2nd round, I'd say "Yeah, sounds like a good season for this struggling team." But once you add the caveats that the Bruins were up 3-0 in the series, and up 3-0 in Game 7, I'd say "Fuck you, I'd rather lose in the 1st round or not make the playoffs at all."

Marc Savard had his worst game of his tenure here in Boston. I know he's concussed, but he'd been apparently fine until Friday night. In the 2nd he launched a breakaway shot about 10 feet above the net. This is against a goalie who has shown susceptibility to low goals, particularly in his 5-hole. Savard got a retarded hooking call in the 2nd (his actions were retarded, not the call), he aired on another breakaway shot from the top of the faceoff circle, and he completely failed to even touch the puck in the neutral zone, which allowed Hartnell to take possession, then Hartnell found Briere, and Briere scored his game-tying wraparound goal. At one point in the 3rd, Savard tried a no look pass between his legs. There's a two letter abbreviation for that: GV. It's short for giveaway.

Blake Wheeler was hit and miss. He had some solid plays, but wasn't the force he was in the Buffalo series. Same goes for Sobotka. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

Lucic and Ryder woke up, especially Lucic. Milan outskated everyone, at least in the 1st period. His game depends entirely on skating. He's not a clever offensive player, nor is he a defensive genius. But he atones for those shortcomings with strength. But that strength is useless if he's not skating hard enough to get in on the play.

Chara gaveaway the puck too much, and wasn't much of a force on offense. He got an assist on the first goal, but that was because his slapshot was saved, then Ryder swatted the rebound in. To be fair, the guy has played about 2,000,000 minutes for the Bruins, plus the Olympics.

Satan gaveaway the puck too. He was to blame for Philly's 1st goal. And offensively, he never did anything of serious note. To be fair to him as well, he's carried the Bruins in this postseason, even though he was an add-on, garbage-heap kind of player, wallowing in the European leagues until the B's snagged him.

Daniel Paille is completely useless on offense. But he's only playing 19 minutes because other forwards are hurt, and because the B's traded Chuck Kobasew. Unfortunately, seemingly half of the Bruins' breakaway opportunities found the stick of Daniel Paille. If this guy were a Mortal Kombat character, his finishing move would be to shoot a puck 10 feet to the side of his opponent.

Briefly looking ahead to 2010-11, what do the Bruins need to do?

#1: Fire Claude Julien and hire anyone else in the Universe to replace him. I nominate Phil Esposito.



#2: Trade Thomas. As much as I love him, there are too many needs elsewhere to absorb his contract as a backup goalie.

#3: Bribe and/or blackmail Andrew Ference so he asks out of his contract.

#4: Re-sign Seidenberg. This team has great defense (Chara, Seidenberg, Boychuk, Hunwick, Wideman, Stuart), let's build around that.

#5: Get a solid, 20 goal type of forward (possibly in the Thomas trade).

#6: Hope the #2 draft-pick is a quick learner.

The Bruins need some ondemand offense. We saw in the last week how an effective counterattack can turn a series in an instant. Right now, the Bruins offense is based on the notion that if you shoot 40 times on a goalie, one or two pucks will randomly go in. When the Bruins get breakaways, it's a guarantee that they won't score. The best finishers on the Bruins are: Recchi, Chara, Boychuk, Krejci, and Savard. Recchi's collecting social security, Chara and Boychuk are D-men, and Krejci and Savard are supposed to be the set-up guys, not the finishers. They're on this short list by default.

The B's didn't skate in the 2nd or 3rd periods. Maybe they got tired and ran out of gas. Maybe they weren't properly motivated. Whatever the case, they lost, Philly won, deservedly so. Let's get a guillotine (spelled correctly on the 1st try), behead Claude Julien, then use his skull to play some pick-up soccer while we enjoy the World Cup.



NHL Draft is June 25th. The Bruins pick 2nd, 15th, 32nd and 45th.

BEAT MONTREAL

You have to appreciate the zealous enthusiasm Canadiens fans show for their team. But they sometimes go too far beyond sports fandom and it just rubs me the wrong way. It pisses me off. So whoever wins tonight's Game 7, either the Bruins or Flyers, I hope they go on to throttle the Canadiens. I hope that those cheese-eating, wine-swilling sons of surrender monkeys up North get swept and embarrassed. Twatreal fans are a bunch of babies and pussies, just like their teams.



Wednesday, they had 21,000 fans packed into the Bell Centre to watch the Canadiens play in Pittsburgh. That's pretty cool. Then they all took the streets and celebrated. Still fine, but also pushing it a bit. It's the 2nd goddamned round of the playoffs. Then they started rioting, and looting.

Canadiens fans and Quebecois identify with their team as a sort of National Representation. Quebec isn't technically its own country, but its inhabitants (Les Habitants) are kind of like Southerners in the US. They're part of our country, but they're also part of their own sub-country. A nation within a country, like the Welsh in Great Britain, or Bavarians in Germany, Catalan in Spain, and so on. So they feel like the Canadiens represent them as a people. Hence the nickname: Habs (which is also what the descendants of French settlers are called). And that's all well and good. But what do they do to celebrate their Provincial Team's victory, what should be a glorification of French Canada? Attack and steal from the businesses of other French Canadians!

Fuck that shit!

Imagine if USA won the World Cup, and us Americans celebrated by burning the flag.

And then there's how those classy Montreal fans treat our national anthem...



Compared to how we here in Boston treat the Canadian anthem...



Even Philadelphians, who boo everything, don't disrespect their anthem...



All I can really say to these Quebecois cunts is to just get over yourselves. You riot after winning a 2nd round series. You riot after winning a 1st round series in 2008. You wanted to murder Kyle McClaren for what he did to Richard Zednick. I remember Montreal papers fabricating bullshit stories about Zednick being comatose and/or having a broken vertebra after that hit.



And why is it that playoff games played on Canadian ice see about 800% more debris throwing? A bad call goes against the Blackhawks, and people boo. But against the Flames, and beer cups, hot dog wrappers, all sorts of rubbish gets tossed onto the ice.

But most Canadians are tolerable. It's just the French Canadians, specifically the ones that wear a CH on their chest.

So let's say tonight the Flyers are up 4-1 with 2 minutes remaining, I hope the Garden starts chanting "Beat the Habs!" As much as I hate the Flyers, Philadelphia, Philadelphians, really the entire Commonwealth of Pennsylvania; I don't wish them any particular physical harm, just emotional misery. Montreal and their Canadiens, on the other hand... Well, let's just say I would love to see Montreal destroyed by a blizzard, or see the St. Lawrence River flood, then freeze over, encasing all the Qebecois and Habitants in an icy mass grave, sort of like the Egyptians in The Ten Commandments, but colder.

LEBRON RONDOWNED

Cleveland was never really in this game. They hung around in the neighborhood for awhile, but slowly slipped away. It's hard to blame LeBron, who scored 27 points, had 19 boards, and 10 assists. If you need a guy to score 40 points per game to win, you just don't have a good team.

And that's what this came down to. The Celtics have a better T-E-A-M, team. The Celtics are like the Beatles, and the Cavs are like the Wings. Sure, Paul McCartney's a genius, and the rest of the Wings were decent, but that's not going to sell 1.2 billion albums for ya. It takes a great team to win a title, and the Cavaliers simply aren't a great team. They have one insanely great player, with decent teammates, but that's insufficient.

I'll admit to being wrong. All season long, I doubted, even mocked those that suggested the Celtics would "turn it on in the playoffs." They've done exactly that, and it's gone very well for them so far.

Back to Game 6, Rondo led the way for the green with 21 points and 12 assists. All series, he's presented a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't proposition for the Cavs. Focus on him, and the Big Three make you pay. Ignore him, and he'll make you pay. Play him tight and he'll pass. Play him loose, and he'll drive to the hole.

KG had 22, Pierce had 13, Perkins had 6. Ray Allen only had 8, and was 0/5 from beyond the arc. But that's the whole point of being a TEAM. Ray Allen had a bad game, offensively, Pierce was so-so, but Rondo and KG made up for it. As did the bench. Sheed had 13 and Tony Allen summoned 10 points of offense. There was no let up for the Cavs.

And now it's Orlando, the team that eliminated the Celtics last year. I remain less than optimistic, but you have to concede that for the C's to advance this far is an achievement of note.

And you know when you drive by some homeless people, and you sort of thank some higher power for all that you have. Well as we pass by Cleveland, let's be thankful for all we have. Even the Bruins. Because to be a Cleveland fan just sucks.

I believe the Eastern Conference Finals start Sunday afternoon.

STANLEY CUP ROUNDUP: DAY 30*

One Game 7 was played, another was "created." One half of Pennsylvania rejoiced, another half mourned.

MONTREAL 5, PITTSBURGH 2 (Canadiens win series 4-3)

The 8th seeded Canadiens have proven that the NHL regular season is essentially meaningless. The Habs only won 39 games, and made the playoffs by 1 point over the Rangers. Now they're in the Eastern Conference Finals. They got big games from Jaroslav Halak, Brian Gionta and Mike Cammalleri. Meanwhile, the Penguins got air from Crosby and Malkin. In this series, the Penguins' two All-Stars combined for 2 goals (1 each) and 6 assists.

PHILADELPHIA 2, BOSTON 1 (Series tied 3-3)

The Bruins offense continued to struggle. They scored with 1 minute left, ending a 134 minute goalless drought. But it was too little, too late. In order to win, the Bruins need to have long possessions, grinding out offense, getting rebounds, putting the puck in the crease, hoping good things happen. They've allowed the Flyers to dominate the opening 5-10 minutes of the last 3 games, and that has to stop. Unfortunately for the B's, Claude Julien has never won a Game 7 behind the Bruins bench.

REALLY, BRUINS?

Under Claude Julien, the Bruins are 2-6 in games in which their opponent is facing elimination. Think about that. Against teams that the B's have already beaten 3 times, the B's have only managed to finish them off twice in eight attempts. That's just pathetic.

Once again, the Flyers came out strong and pro-active, while the Bruins were passive and reactive. Philly scored about 7 minutes in when Chara gaveaway the puck on the offensive blue-line. The Flyers rushed, then repeatedly harassed Rask. They got off 4 shots in 13 seconds, with Richards' finally going in.

The Bruins played a better 2nd period, but were still being frustrated on offense. That frustration turned into inexcusable penalties, which turned into a power play goal.

But the problem wasn't allowing goals, it was failing to score them. Michael Leighton will be praised as a hero for his 30 save performance, but the Bruins made it easier on him than that figure suggests. Whitfield had a breakaway and seemingly aimed right at the P on Leighton's sweater. Bergeron had nearly a foot of open, ice-level goal to shoot at, but he hit the post. The B's didn't have enough presence in the crease.

But there were some positives in this game. As technically meaningless as Lucic's goal with 1 minute turned out to be, it did end a few streaks. Until that score, the Flyers had scored 7 straight unanswered goals. Until that score, Leighton had yet to be beat. Until that score, the Bruins had been held goalless for 134 minutes and 12 seconds.

And the manner of the score was just important. Leighton gave up rebounds, and his 5-hole was noticeably vulnerable all game. His legs were as wide open as Nicole Ritchie's in the LA Lakers' locker room. Lucic knocked in his own rebound, between Leighton's legs. Hopefully his teammates were watching.

So now it comes down to Game 7. The fact that there is even going to be a Game 7 is a Bruins failure. But what's important is that they can forget that failure with a win. Lose Game 7, and the stench of that failure will fester in the nostrils of Bruins fans for decades.

Game 7 Friday night.

Photo Credit:
Getty Images

STANLEY CUP ROUNDUP: DAY 29*

The West is all set, and simply waiting for the East's series to conclude.

CHICAGO 5, VANCOUVER 1

The Sedins were stifled, Luongo exposed, and the Blackhawks repeated history, defeating the Canucks in 6 games again. Patrick Kane had a goal and an assist, as did Dustin Byfuglien. Sami Salo returned for Vancouver, playing the game with swollen testes after taking one for the team by blocking a shot with his groin. Salo proved that it takes big balls to play Stanley Cup hockey. Unfortunately, it takes goals to win in Stanley Cup hockey. The Sedins failed to come up with many in this series. So Chicago advances to the Conference Finals again, this time against San Jose.

Tonight's games:
7pm: Montreal @ Pittsburgh - Versus (Series tied 3-3)
8pm: Boston @ Philadelphia - Versus/NESN (Bruins lead series 3-2)

CAN THE SOX PLAY THE JAYS EVERY GAME? PLEASE?

The Red Sox improved to 5-0 against the Blue Jays with a nice and tidy 6-1 win last night. Daisuke dazzled with one of his best starts in memory, spinning a 7 inning, 3 hit, 0 walk, 9 strikeout gem. He only threw 106 pitches in those 7 innings, much lower than his usual rate.

As much as I criticize him, Jason Varitek has been carrying the Sox' offense this season. He was 2 for 3 with a homer, his 6th of the season.

The really inspiring news is that JD Drew was somehow able to tough it out and play through his vertigo and play a game of baseball. How many pain-killers did he need? Nobody really knows. He was 2 for 4 and knocked in his 20th run of the season.

Wakefield faces Shaun Marcum this afternoon as the Sox look for the sweep. If they win, they'll surpass the Blue Jays for 3rd. That's hardly a parade worthy achievement, but I'm a firm believer in the Baby Steps philosophy conceived by Dr. Leo Marvin.



Photo Credit:
AP Photo

ROCKING CLEVELAND

The Celtics destroyed the Cavaliers last night, 120-88, and the third blowout of this increasingly perplexing series. The Big Three all showed up, and trounced Cleveland's Big One. Bad elbow or not, the Celtics committed regicide on King James, holding him to a mere 15 points. Glen Davis also had 15 points.

Paul Pierce had one of his better games of this postseason, scoring 21 and hauling in 11 rebounds. Ray Allen exploded, shooting 6/9 from beyond the arc, and finishing with 25 points. KG had 18, Rajon had 16, and Perkins (who scored 0 in Game 4), scored 10. The bench contributed 30 points, including Baby's 15.

The game was a demonstration of two relatively incontrovertible axioms:

#1: The Cavs can hardly win without a big game from LeBron James.

#2: The Celtics can hardly lose with big games from their Big Three (really Four).

Both of these truisms were in effect last night. LeBron was quieted, while the multitude of future Hall-of-Famers in green and white had excellent games.

And now the Celtics are on the verge of something amazing. I didn't even think they could keep up with Cleveland in this series, let alone be poised to prevail in 6 games. You have to be proud of this old, sometimes disappointing, occasionally frustrating, melting pot of a team. And you also must admit that when it clicks, it clicks loud and hard.

Memo to LeBron: choking typically occurs around the neck/throat area, not the elbow.

Game 6 Thursday night in Boston.