WHITE MEN CAN JUMP

So long as their Australian.

And if you've never seen a game of Aussie Rules Football, you're missing out. Just look at that score. This was a 140-77 game. You won't know what's going on when you watch it, but that just makes it all the more entertaining. It's a great sport to watch while getting hammered.

-The Commodore

MIKE VICK GETS IT

He may or may not feel remorse for what he did. He may or may not feel as though what he did was wrong. But Michael Vick is at least smart enough to realize that almost everyone else thinks what he did was wrong. And since being released from prison, he's done everything right.

Not only has he entertained us on the field, but now he's gone to Washington to lobby Congress in support of anti-dogfighting legislation. Specifically, the law he's supporting would make it a crime to knowingly attend a dogfight, and additionally penalize anyone who brings a minor to such an event.

Vick is doing this in conjunction with the Humane Society of the United States.

Especially compared to other athletes that screw up, Vick has brilliantly rebuilt his reputation and his life. He's even been re-signed by Nike. His endorsements are back, and people are once again viewing him as a football player and not a dog abuser.

And while I still wouldn't let him walk my dog, at least he's doing the positive things and apparently supporting a good cause. Could you imagine Kobe Bryant or Ben Roethlisberger supporting a feminist group? How about Plaxico Burress speaking at a MADD function? Or how about Roger Clemens appearing on Sesame Street and telling kids how important it is to tell the truth?

I don't think so.

COLLEGE HOCKEY TEAMS PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS

The shape of college hockey will be changing in 2013. Right now, there are four power conferences: The Western Collegiate Hockey Association (WCHA), Central Collegiate Hockey Association (CCHA), ECAC, and Hockey East. But that's all changing this summer. Two new conferences have emerged out west and they've raided the top teams from the WCHA and CCHA.

The Big Ten is coming to college hockey. Five Big Ten members already field Division 1 programs, with Penn State joining them in 2012. And in 2013, the Big Ten will appropriate (take) two teams from WCHA: Minnesota and Wisconsin. They'll absorb three teams from CCHA: Ohio State, Michigan, and Michigan State. These teams are some of the best from the WCHA and CCHA.

Not only has the Big Ten plundered those two conferences, six teams (5 from the WCHA and 1 from the CCHA) have decided to form a new power conference: The National Collegiate Hockey Conference (NCHC). 2011 National Champs Minnesota-Duluth will join perennial powerhouse North Dakota, along with Denver, Colorado College, and Nebraska-Omaha. CCHA will "donate" Miami (OH) to the new conference. These were the best 6 teams remaining in the WCHA and CCHA after the Big Ten defections.

Notre Dame's fate still remains up in the air. The NCHC has been courting them, and it would make sense geographically for them to join. And considering that the CCHA is now a shell of what it once was, Notre Dame almost must move in order to maintain its program's prominence.

Another possibility for the Irish is to join Hockey East. The ECAC and Hockey East have remained untouched by this drama. But Hockey East would probably love to add a national program on Notre Dame's level. Geography is a bit of a problem, but the idea of Notre Dame vs. BC bringing their rivalry to the ice is very appealing.

Notre Dame has a national fanbase. Their hockey program is on the rise. Wherever they wind up, whether it's the NCHC or Hockey East, they're going to welcomed with open arms.

What I like about all this shuffling and maneuvering is that the power conferences have gotten smaller, but more powerful. Big Ten Hockey's members have combined to win 23 NCAA titles. The NCHC's members have won 17. Compare that to Hockey East's 11, the ECAC's 5, the WCHA's 4, and the CCHA's 4.

I wouldn't be shocked if, within a few years, some realignment occurs here in the northeast. As the struggle for TV money increases, especially with these two new conferences in play, power programs like BU and BC might seek to separate themselves from the UMass-Lowell's of the world, and perhaps align with other power programs from the ECAC like Cornell.

This is just speculation, but one day Hockey East might look like this: BC, BU, Northeastern, Notre Dame, Maine, UNH, Cornell, and Yale.

And I think while this is bad news for about half of the programs in college hockey, it's also beneficial for the game as a whole. Schools with national fanbases like Notre Dame, Michigan, and Ohio State can help bring new fans to the game. But they're going to do that by playing other top tier programs and rivals, not by playing Lake Superior State.

College hockey also needs large schools to put money into their programs. UConn, for instance, has a D-1 program, but they don't reward the full number of scholarships that they could. Syracuse only has a club level program, which is odd considering there are 10 Division 1 programs in New York. If Colgate, Clarkson, Union and RPI can field D-1 teams, why not Syracuse? Colorado, Northwestern, and Pittsburgh are all in regions where hockey is widely played. Yet Colorado is in D-3 and Northwestern and Pitt field only club teams.

College hockey is always going to be a regional thing, but like all other college sports, the powerhouses are what draw fans to the game, they're the ones that draw TV money and media attention. And unlike other sports, these conferences only exist in just one sport: hockey. It's not like the ACC, which has its football powers and its basketball powers, and they're all able to support each other. I want to see conferences that are ridiculously good from top to bottom. That makes the regular season interesting, as opposed to the 22 week warm-up to the NCAA Tournament that it currently is.

BABY ORTIZ

On Friday night, David Ortiz found himself in the middle of a beanball battle, and I'm sorry, but he was the baby of the group. All laundry aside, he charged the mound because someone told him to run to first base instead of jog casually to his dugout. Really? That reminds me of Gerald Williams in 2000, charging the mound because Pedro spat in his general direction. Is that all it takes for these overly sensitive prima donna hitters to make a move toward the pitcher?

Know what, Ortiz got thrown at. Belt high. And he threw a hissy fit. As so many hitters have thrown so many times the last decade and a half. It's become an insult if a pitcher dares try to reclaim the inside of the plate, especially against a hulking lefty.

Sorry folks, but Gregg went about things the right way. He aimed for Ortiz's fleshy middle section, missed, and then got the stare down. Then it happened again. Ortiz's temper tantrum over inside pitching is just the latest example of hitters acting like spoiled babies who think the entire plate belongs to them.

And as far as the Red Sox go, I want Ortiz leaning over the plate. He's a better hitter when he takes control over that territory. But I'm not going to defend him when he acts like a baby because someone pitched inside to him. Especially not when it's all well below the skull. And I'm not going to praise his pugilistic prowess because he threw a mighty hook/uppercut that completely missed (because he was off-balance. Mick from Rocky would have tied a rope between his ankles).

Ortiz fights about as well as he fields. The Orioles actually pitched him inside. Something the Yankees have never had the stones to do. And I'm not going to criticize another team for following the basic fundamental principles of pitching. I also think Ortiz charging the mound for something as trivial as Gregg's gestures is beyond childish. Ortiz threw a temper tantrum, we here in Boston are praising him for it, but I think he acted like a spoiled baby.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE 90'S?

The 2000s have undoubtedly been the best decade in Boston sports history, maybe even the best decade for sports in any city. But do you remember the 1990s? That was, without any question, the worst decade for Boston sports. It was the only decade in the 20th century that a Boston team didn't claim a title. That span saw a football team nearly move to St. Louis, a Red Sox team dominated by their archrivals, and the two winter sports clubs becoming jokes.

The biggest moments for a Boston sports fan in the 90's look pretty lame now: Raymond Bourque hoisting the Cup in the red, white, and blue of the Avalanche. The Red Sox winning one playoff series against the Indians. A Super Bowl appearance dominated by a kick returner. Of all four teams, the Bruins had the best decade. That alone speaks volumes.

I'm only 26, but I did survive the 90's as a Boston fan. We haven't known only success here. We suffered too. And that just makes basking in this glorious time so much more enjoyable. And to fans from other cities (Philadelphia, I'm looking in your direction) who envy our success and think we're spoiled, all I can say is that we went through some tough times before this run, so we're going to enjoy it, bitches.

Let's just compare the 1990s to the 2000s team-by-team, and in four important categories: championships, championship appearances, playoff appearances, and playoff rounds won.

CHAMPIONSHIPS:

	1990s	2000s
Red Sox	0	2
Patriots	0	3
Celtics	0	1
Bruins	0	1
TOTAL:	0	7

CHAMPIONSHIP APPEARANCES:

	1990s	2000s
Red Sox	0	2
Patriots	1	4
Celtics	0	2
Bruins	1	1
TOTAL:	2	9

PLAYOFF APPEARANCES:

	1990s	2000s
Red Sox	4	6
Patriots	4	8
Celtics	5	8
Bruins	9	7
TOTAL:	22	29

PLAYOFF ROUNDS WON:

	1990s	2000s
Red Sox	1	8
Patriots	3	14
Celtics	2	12
Bruins	9	6
TOTAL:	15	40

Apart from the 7-0 disparity in titles, the most striking difference is the 40 playoff rounds won in the 2000s, compared to the 15 in the 90's. Boston teams did contend for playoff spots in the 90's, as demonstrated by their 22 appearances. But they didn't have enough to capture that postseason magic. Pedro didn't have Schilling, Pierce didn't have KG or Ray Allen. The Bruins didn't have Timmy Thomas.

Just compare the names from the 90's sports scene to the names from today. Pete Carroll vs. Bill Belichick. Rick Pitino vs. Doc Rivers. Mark Portugal vs. Jon Lester. Troy O'Leary vs. Manny Ramirez. Drew Bledsoe vs. Tom Brady.

And then there's the owners and GMs. Kraft takes over the Patriots, hires Pioli, three rings. The Yawkey trust sells the Sox, Epstein gets hired, curse over. Wyc Grousbeck and associates buy the Celtics and bring banners back to the Garden. Jeremy Jacobs still owns the Bruins, but they started spending just before the lockout. Then they hired Chiarelli in 2006.

So people who hate us obnoxious, arrogant, "entitled" Boston fans can go fuck themselves. We put up with Desmond Howard, with the Yankees winning 4 World Series in 5 years, with the choking Bruins, and what we all thought was the end of the Celtics' dynasty. We had to listen to Pete Carroll talk about "having fun" and Rick Pitino rant about the "negativity in this town." We had to endure Jimy Williams' nonsensical lineups. We had to watch an endless parade of mediocre athletes don our teams' uniforms then disappear into obscurity: Jose Offerman, Dino Radja, Jim Carey, Sedrick Shaw, I could go on forever.

We've earned the right to be happy, and to rub it in your faces.

MONTREAL COPS TO INTERROGATE CHARA

The Montreal Police plan to interview Zdeno Chara regarding his hit of Max Pacioretty on March 8th. This will be part of their ongoing investigation into the incident. This interview has been delayed due to Chara's involvement in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, along with other "witnesses."

The involvement of police in this incident is one of the silliest sports stories of the year. While the circumstances around Pacioretty's injuries were unique, other big hits in the game weren't investigated by law enforcement officials. And there's a longstanding precedent in the sporting world, that what happens between the lines (or on the field, or within the boards) is governed differently. Fighting in hockey, for instance, doesn't result in arrests for disorderly conduct or assault.

It's a joke. And Canada is getting a reputation for whining and sour grapes. I love how passionate they are for the game, I was happy to see Winnipeg get a team, but look at the temper tantrum that Vancouver threw (again) after losing Game 7. And the uproar in Montreal after this hit. This Canadian crybabyism is preposterous.

I seriously doubt that Chara will be punished in any way. But just the fact that Montreal cops are spending their time looking into this is a massive joke.

I HATE NL BASEBALL

Interleague play time. Which means pitchers hitting. Maybe it's because I've grown up in an AL town, but I really can't stand watching pitchers hit. I like watching Major League Baseball to see the best ballplayers do what they do best. I want to see the best hitters hit, and the best pitchers pitch. I don't want to see hitters pitching so why would I want to see pitchers hit?

I don't get why the NL doesn't catch up to the AL and implement a DH. I don't get people who defend pitchers hitting. Sure DHs can be fat, lethargic, and even unathletic. But is watching them hit a single less entertaining than watching a pitcher whiff on an 88 MPH fastball?

What's the appeal of pitchers hitting? Strategy? If I wanted to see strategy, I'd watch a Risk tournament.

And what's wrong with adding more offense? Is the biggest part of All-Star weekend the Bunt Derby or the Home Run Derby?

And what about investing millions of dollars in a pitcher, then risking their arms at the plate and their legs on the basepaths.

Pitchers hitting is antiquated and boring. Other sports have special sets of rules for special positions. In hockey, for instance, if a goalie commits a penalty, he DOESN'T go to the penalty box. Someone goes in his place.

It's just stupid to have two sets of rules for two halves of baseball. It's stupid to have guys who are paid to pitch, train to pitch, and spend their entire lives pitching to have to stand up at the plate and bad .115.

BRUINS' SCHEDULE RELEASED

The Bruins begin their defense of the Stanley Cup (God that felt good to write) on October 6th at home. They'll get to raise the banner (another orgasmic phrase to type out) as they host the Philadelphia Flyers. On October 8th, they'll play a rematch of the Eastern Conference Championship against the Lightning, also at home.

The big date that stands out is January 7th, when the Canucks come to town. The Bruins will not travel to Vancouver.

Canadien games:
Thursday 10/27 in Boston
Saturday 10/29 in Montreal
Monday 11/21 in Montreal
Monday 12/19 in Boston
Thursday 1/12 in Boston
Wednesday 2/15 in Montreal

The Detroit Red Wings come to town on November 25th in the Black Friday matinee.

The Bruins will host the Flyers on St. Patrick's Day (Saturday March 17) in what will probably be the drunkest game of the year, despite the 1:00pm start time.

The Bruins make their first trip to Winnipeg on Tuesday December 6th.

Phil Kessel and the Maple Leafs will come to town on October 20th, December 3rd, and March 19th.

The regular season will end Saturday April 7th when the B's host the Sabres.