Tuesday, July 15, 2008


Since the baseball world's eyes are focused on Yankee Stadium today, I figured I should let my Yankee hatred spew freely. I'm not going to badmouth Derek Jeter for being a mediocre defensive short-stop, or Alex Rodriguez for canoodling with an old singer whose slept with half the NBA, or Jason Giambi's silly attempt to look like Ron Jeremy.

Instead, I'm going to direct my attention to Yankee fans. Famous Yankee fans. For the record, I hate most celebrity "fans" because they're not really fans, and they simply take up space at the ballpark. Ben Affleck, that's you.

Adam Sandler:

Not only is he painfully annoying, he's a confused fan. He likes the Bruins AND the Yankees. See, Sandler was born in Brooklyn, then moved to New Hampshire when he was 5. He turned 5 in 1971. Bruins fans know what happened in the 71-72 season: they won the Cup. Sandler is nothing but a front running, bandwagoning, pink hat. And his only funny movies these days are the ones in which he's trying to be a serious actor.

Jack Nicholson:

Speaking of frontrunners, Laker loving Jack Nicholson is a big Yankee fan. But at least he was born in New York, and the Lakers are his adopted team. Nicholson is such a big bad Yankee fan, that he refused to wear a Red Sox hat in The Departed. It's too bad the Knicks weren't good enough to earn that kind of loyalty from him, or the Dodgers. Pick a city, Jack.

Michael Bloomberg:

Did you know that New York's Mayor is from Boston? He was born in Brighton, then moved to Allston, then to Brookline, then to Medford. When running for Mayor, he was asked if he was a Mets fan or a Yankee fan. His only answer was "Well, I'm from Boston, so..." But apparently it's more politically prudent to be a Yankees fan in New York, because that's what Bloomberg presents himself as in public.

Billy Crystal:

Did you know Billy Crystal is a Yankees fan? I know, it's a bit of an obscure fact that took me hours of research to find out. End sarcasm. Every Yankee game on Fox or ESPN will have a shot of Crystal sitting in the front row. Unlike others on this list, he's a real fan. But I can't stand to hear the words "Mickey Mantle" come out of his mouth, and see his face light up as he reminisces about that dead alcoholic. And can we put a limit on how many times someone is allowed to host the Oscars?

Fred Durst:

Unfortunately, Fred Durst is still alive. Why is it that great artists like John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, and Bradley Nowell die so young, and crappy ones get to live forever? I don't know if Durst is an actual Yankee fan. But the Jacksonville native was one of many late 90's punks who made it "cool" to wear Yankees hats and apparel, even if one wasn't a fan.

So there you have it, the 5 suckiest Yankee celebrities. Spike Lee didn't make this list because he's cool as hell. And any Yankee fan out there thinking of alluding to Ben Affleck, or other douchebag Sox celebs, I have two words for you: Maria Menounos.

Photo Credit:
Bryan Bedder/Getty Images

1 comment:

  1. ** You should make note that Billy Crystal sports a Mets hat in City Slickers (film)
    A mid 80's film - Mets win in 1986 and Billy wears a Mets hat -
    He doesn't appear at the Stadium again until the winning 90's-00's
    Sickening but typical.