Manny Ramirez has tested positive for performance enhancing drugs, and received a 50 game suspension from Major League Baseball. In other news, Manny apologist Bill Simmons has been hospitalized for severe dehydration due to crying so much once he heard this news.
I couldn't be happier with this suspension. Not only does Jason Bay have more RBI and HR than Manny this year, he also has fewer 50 game suspensions.
And how will Manny spend his time off? Drinking with Enrique Wilson? Shoving elderly Dodger employees around? Slapping teammates? Nursing that problematic hamstring injury? Talking about rejoining the Cleveland Indians?
Wait, I've got it. He'll do what he did when he faced Mariano Riveira in Yankee Stadium... just stand there and do NOTHING!!!