Friday, July 13, 2012

Worst Olympic Uniforms Ever

Be proud, America. These are what your Olympic athletes will be wearing in London for the Summer Games.

In case you didn't notice the tastefully subtle logo on the front, these are made by Ralph Lauren. Technically, though, they were made in China. What's more American than large corporate logos and outsourcing jobs to China? Complaining about it.

Then again, if we didn't send so much work to China, then how would the Chinese be able to afford to lend us so much money?

Many others have written and ranted about the uniforms being made in China, about how much larger the Ralph Lauren logo is than the American flag, about how this is a very French looking ensemble, with the beret and everything. Ralph Lauren even rearranged red, white, and blue into blue, white, and red on the beret. Which is France's flag.

And like the Ralph Lauren logo, the French flag on the beret is also bigger than the American flag.

All nationalistic sentiment aside, I just think they look like shit. They're beyond pompous and preppy. I think even the lacrosse captain at Princeton, the de facto King of Preps, would feel conspicuous in this outfit.

I remember the US team used to wear stuff like cowboy hats and Western shirts. What was wrong with that?

Even better, how about a white, Colonel Sanders style southern gentleman suit?

Since the Olympics are in Britain, and we're 2-0 against the British, maybe we should rub it in. How about a blue Continental Army jacket and a tri-corner hat? Each athlete carrying a 6 pack of Sam Adams.

Or perhaps the US Olympians could enter the Opening Ceremony riding a float made to resemble the U.S.S. Constitution. It is, after all, the 100th anniversary of the War of 1812.

Then again, the tri-corner hat might be too Tea Party for some people. And according to celebrities like Janeane Garafalo and James Earl Jones, the Tea Party is racist. And since celebrities know what they're talking about, they must be correct.

The male athletes could dress like the bros on Jersey Shore, slicking their hair up, spray-on tan, shirtless, with a vacant look in their eyes, their lips pursed, and their face cocked in the "what's up" position. And the females could dress like skanks.

Perhaps they could have an outfit that resembles lacrosse culture. Bright neon colored shirts, socks pulled up to the knees, flip-flops, big pink-rimmed slitted sunglasses, the hat of an NL Central team, and a lacrosse stick that goes with the outfit.

In all seriousness, what's wrong with a casual outdoorsy kind of look? Jeans, workboots, a t-shirt with a "USA" logo on the front and sleeves. Or a business casual look? Polo shirt and khakis for the guys, blouse and calf-length skirt for the ladies.

Maybe such outfits don't represent all of us. But the Ralph Lauren, Frenchy costumes don't represent any of us.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous7:06 AM

    Touche'. Tre bien, mon ami.

    I agree: they look like shit. Burn 'em now.