Leave Richard Sherman Alone

Immediately after this frightening interview, Richard Sherman became the center of the football world. But I don't think what he said was out of line. How he said it was shocking. I bet Erin Andrews wishes she could go back to interviewing Koji Uehara's son. Sherman was hyped up, in the moment. That whole team rails adderall anyway so we shouldn't be surprised when one of their most energetic players has a bit too much energy.

Sherman talked trash about his opponent. So what. Wasn't that what we were primed for in this game? "These teams hate each other." We heard that all week. Sherman expressed the hate we'd been told to expect, then he gets criticized for it?

He didn't do or say anything violent, anything inappropriate, anything obscene. And when he had calmed down later his interviews were heavy helpings of the same flavorless porridge we get from everyone else.

I suppose what he said was technically "classless," since it wasn't classy. But if we go out and look for classless things in pro sports, we'll be very busy. Sherman isn't any more classless than most athletes. What he did was bring his true personality to a segment of sports coverage we've been conditioned to expect polished and polite responses. Thank teammates, thank coaches, option to thank family and/or God, praise opponent, then for some reason say "thank you" to the interviewer. Sherman was himself for an interview. Who cares?

The outcry in response to Sherman's "classlessness" ironically verged on being more classless and inappropriate. Justin Verlander, who plays baseball, which is not football, Tweeted this...

So Russell is a class act! Sherman on the other hand.... If he played baseball would get a high and tight fastball.
— Justin Verlander (@JustinVerlander) January 20, 2014

Is that tweet considered classy or classless? I'm not a member of the Classless Police, so please tell me.

So this baseball player is suggesting that if an NFL defensive back were to play baseball, he'd be taught a lesson. Okay, Justin. I respect Verlander as a pitcher, as an athlete, and for hooking up with Kate Upton. But baseball players shouldn't be touting the physicality of their sport to football players.

Maybe I find all this Sherman backlash to be amusing and trivial because I'm a Patriots fan. I've heard my favorite athletes and coach called "classless" countless times. The word carries little weight with me. And if you are a Patriots fan and you have a problem with Sherman being "classless," remember that in 2006 the Patriots celebrated a playoff win over San Diego by dancing on the Chargers' logo, and we all ripped LaDainian Tomlinson for whining about classiness and classlessness. And in the Patriots-Eagles Super Bowl Mike Vrabel flapped his arms like the Eagles after scoring a touchdown. It's an emotional game.

So don't be a hypocrite. Don't hate Sherman because he was emotional and in the moment. I thought he acted like a bit of a clown. And a good clown is an entertaining one. But also kind of scary. And Sherman pulled that off Sunday night.

Jenny from Forrest Gump Is a Selfish, Teasing Cunt

I just watched Forrest Gump on ABC Family last night. It's one of my favorite movies and you never get tired of watching it. However, my feelings toward one character have dramatically shifted from sympathy and pity, to hatred and disgust.

Jenny grew up with problems. Her father sexually abused her. She didn't have the same guidance and love that Forrest did growing up. Nevertheless, she spends her entire adult life being selfish. She uses Forrest, teases him, and messes with his emotions. There's no excuse for the absurd levels of selfishness that she reaches.

Look, if she wasn't attracted to Forrest, that's fine. If there's no spark, there's no spark. Just because a guy is nice doesn't mean a girl shouldn't "Friend Zone" him. And if Jenny had just wanted to be pals with Forrest, that would have been fine.

However, when she and Forrest are in college, she lets him feel her boobs. That causes Forrest to have a premature crisis in his pants. This is such a tease. I mean who knows how far things would have gone had Forrest not committed a false start penalty. But Jenny never gives him any action after this. Even if they had hooked up, what would they have done a week later, or a month? Jenny didn't want to be Forrest's girl. She let him feel her up, then that was it.

And when he's over in Vietnam, with every day potentially his last on Earth, she doesn't even send him one bloody letter? Not even an "I'm moving away and don't know where to, so I don't know if we can keep in touch, but I'm thinking about you," letter? How much thought and effort would that have taken?

In fact, the film doesn't show her thinking about Forrest at all. It's only dumb luck that reunites them in Washington, D.C. If she hadn't been there at that time, or if he hadn't gone on that stage, she would have never seen him again, and evidently she would have been fine with that. She made ZERO effort to keep in touch with her friend who was in Viet-fucking-Nam.

If you put a guy in the Friend Zone, that's fine, but then you must be a good friend. That's the 11th Commandment.

Years later, she just shows up at his place. She needs somewhere cozy to crash. After years of doing drugs and sleeping around, she needs to find a man she can use for peace and comfort. That's what motivates her to return to Greenbow, Alabama. Not friendship, not devotion, but the need to relax for a few days.

If Forrest had been going through hard times at that very moment, or didn't have a huge house, she wouldn't have stayed. She uses Forrest for what she wanted at that time.

Forrest asks her to marry him. She declines. Again, I get that. If you don't love him, or if you're afraid of marriage, or if you have self-esteem issues, then fine. She's perfectly right to turn him down. She shouldn't just marry him because he's nice and cares about him. Believe me, I've been the nice-guy who thinks the girl should like him because I was nice. It doesn't work that way. And it shouldn't work that way.

But Jenny does something much much worse than turning him down. She turns him down, fucks him, then leaves the next fucking morning!?! What a mind-fuck that is. I won't marry you, I will tell you I love you, ride your cock and let you cum inside me, and then catch a cab the next morning and leave without any explanation.

What a selfish cunt. She doesn't want to feel bad about rejecting Forrest, so she comes to him that night and sleeps with him. But she still doesn't want to marry him, so she leaves the next day.

I have all the sympathy in the world for the emotions behind Jenny's rejection of Forrest. She's afraid she's not good enough. That's fine. But it is unbelievably selfish to try to alleviate your guilt by telling Forrest that you do in fact love him, then sleep with him, then leave without a note or any sort of explanation.

How does Jenny's mind-fucking not turn Forrest into a mass-murdering psychopath?

Jenny gets pregnant, has Forrest Jr., and still doesn't get in touch with Forrest Sr.! He has a kid and he doesn't even know it. Because it'd be awkward for Jenny to tell him, so she doesn't want to deal with that.

So decline his marriage proposal, tell him you love him, have sex with him, leave, give birth to his child, then don't tell him he has a kid. And don't even tell your kid who his father is.

Jenny's selfishness expands. Not only does she allow her personal fears to keep her from telling big Forrest that he has a son. She also deprives her son of a good father. Which she, of all people, should appreciate the need for. She grew up with an abusive father, and when she has a kid she deprives him of any father whatsoever!

Until she sees Forrest Sr. on TV. And until she's diagnosed with a fatal virus.

She finally settles down and marries Forrest, coincidentally once she realizes that she doesn't have to be afraid of marriage because she will die soon. Marriage has become convenient for her, and that's when she marries Forrest.

Sidenote, as a kid I used to think it was amazing that Lieutenant Dan found a wife. Now I realize that as a gazillionaire, that's not so amazing. Although did he subconsciously fall in love with an Asian woman and hope she finished the job that the Vietnamese started and he could die from enemy inflicted wounds just like the rest of his family?

And why didn't Lt. Dan tell Forrest that he was getting married? Or had new prosthetic legs? He wrote about Apple Computer, but not his marriage or legs?

Back to Jenny...

Jenny lives her life teasing and using Forrest, or ignoring him altogether when he's possibly living his last days on this planet, or messing with his mind after he expresses his feelings, or depriving Forrest Jr. of a loving father, until it becomes convenient for her to once again include him in her life.

Fuck Jenny, I'm glad she's dead.