Bobby Valentine's Strict Clubhouse Drinking Policies Cause Bobby Jenks DUI

That headline might be a little sensationalist, but since Bobby V takes credit for everything else in the world, and the Red Sox' Front Office think managers are responsible for their player's behavior, why not give credit to Mr. Valentine for Mr. Jenks' shenanigans?

One of Theo Epstein's biggest and fattest mistakes was arrested by the Lee County Sheriff's Office after being pulled over for driving erratically early Friday morning. He failed a field sobriety test. He told officers he had taken too many muscle relaxers.

Jenks, a married father of 4, had spent the night at Babe's, a strip club in Fort Myers. For some reason news reports are calling Babe's a "nightclub." Boston.com referred to Babe's as a bar, then later mentioned that they "feature exotic dancers," as if the strippers were just an appetizer special featured at the bar between 6 and 8.

Babe's is a strip club. Let's call an apple an apple.

Jenks has posted bail. He admitted to police on the scene that he'd hit a car in the Babe's parking lot. Even if he didn't drink or wasn't drunk, he admitted to taking too many muscle relaxers then driving. So he's fucked. Maybe, just maybe, the Sox can get out of paying him the $6 million he's owed. He's being charged with 5 misdemeanors, 4 of them DUI related, 1 of them stemming from hitting another vehicle then driving away.

It seems like the more money Theo Epstein spent on an acquisition, the less success they had. Renteria, Drew, Lugo, Jenks, Matsuzaka. The thing about Theo is that he's too clever and maybe Cherington has the same tragic flaw. They use numerology and neo-Moneyball thinking to find undervalued guys like Bill Mueller and David Ortiz. Which is a great way to get good players for less money. But the big ticket free agents aren't hidden gems that need to be discovered. They're the obvious sluggers who hit 40 HRs, the pitchers who have 3 (and only 3) great pitches.

Theo tried to use the same cleverness that acquired David Ortiz for $1.25 million in 2004 to spend multi-millions on big acquisitions. That's like a stock broker analyzing Exxon-Mobil stocks the same way they look at Kevin's Gas & Auto Repair Station. It's just not the same. Theo finally seemed to get it when he acquired Adrian Gonzalez, a blatantly talented slugger.

Back to Jenks, when Bobby Valentine was approached by Red Sox media about the DUI, the smug Mr. Valentine replied "You guys must know a lot more than I do. I got a little text."

How long until we get sick of that level of smarminess from Mr. Valentine?