2013 BBS Awards: Athlete of the Year

This award typically goes to the athlete that performed the best on the field/court/ice. Previous winners include David Ortiz, Tom Brady, and Wes Welker. This year there were plenty of strong candidates on the Red Sox, Patriots, Bruins, and Boston College. Not so much the Celtics. But in the City of Boston we saw other teams and other athletes doing amazing things. Things more impressive and more meaningful than throwing a football or hitting a baseball or shooting a puck. Things like carrying an injured person, things like pulling debris away, things like dodging bullets and explosives, things like running toward a hospital to give blood after running a marathon.

This award goes to all the men and women who responded and reacted to the Marathon Bombing, and all those who were involved in the aftermath, and the pursuit of the suspects.

So many people ran toward the explosions. Cops, paramedics, volunteers, runners, spectators. Their athletic exploits were truly meaningful. They were fast, they were strong, they were clutch. And the same goes for the cops who pursued the suspects. They worked on minimal sleep, when the pressure was on, and they got the job done.

All these people were the Athletes of the Year.

2013 BBS Awards: Ted Williams Award for Red Sox Player of the Year

This award goes to the best player from the 2013 Boston Red Sox season. And what a season to look back on and remember.

The winner of this award is someone who in 2013 rallied both the team and the City.

The winner of the Ted Williams award is David Ortiz.

Honorable mentions to Jon Lester, Jacoby Ellsbury, and Koji Uehara.

Ortiz led the team in batting average (.309), homeruns (30), RBI (103), OBP (.393), SLG (.594), and OPS (.959). He was third on the team in runs (84), third in hits (160), and third in doubles (38). And that was just the regular season.

In the playoffs, he led the team with a .353 average, hit 5 homeruns, knocked in 13 RBI, got on base 50% of the time, slugged .706. All those numbers led the Red Sox. He scored the second most runs (12), and had the second most hits (18).

In an amazing year for an amazing team, he was the most amazing player.

Shane Victorino and Jonny Gomes on Conan

Shane Victorino and Jonny Gomes appeared on Conan last night. I have to say that Gomes has the crazy eyes. And Victorino's shiftiness and nervous energy kind of scares me at times.

They talked with Conan about beard-pulling, chemistry of the team, Jake Peavy buying a duckboat, Shane Victorino's high pain threshold...

Then they talked about how much the City of Boston meant to the success of the Red Sox this year.

Artie Lange was the next guest and he talked about his hatred of Alex Rodriguez. He also talked about his recovery from drug addiction, although he did so in a funny way.

Finally, just for laughs, here's a classic Conan clip of him playing in an olde tyme base-ball game.

Is it weird that I'm really turned on by how shy and demure one of the women is?

More Red Sox Magic

How fantastic is it to have exciting playoff baseball back in Boston? Games 1 and 2 have been "stand-while-you-watch" games in the late innings. The games are so tense that you cannot stay sitting.

Here's a positive thought, Detroit's starting pitching has been stellar. Like freakishly stellar. And the series is tied 1-1. For how well Detroit's starters have done, being tied 1-1 is a fantastic result for the Sox. Detroit's SPs have been nearly perfect and the series is even.

Sunday night I realized something about these Red Sox. I want to go out and drink with them. Or hang out with them even if alcohol weren't involved. But preferably involved. And the key thing is that I want to GO OUT with them. Josh Beckett and the 2011-2012 Sox STAYED IN and got drunk while eating chicken and playing video games. We didn't want to go anywhere with them. We did want to go out with Kevin Millar and the '04 Sox. We did want to go out with the idiots of 2007.

How fun would it be to go to a karaoke bar with Koji Uehara and Jonny Gomes? Then go clubbing with Dustin Pedroia and David Ortiz? Then go to Supreme Pizza on Mass Ave at 2:00am with Shane Victorino and Mike Napoli?

I also think that the energy of the fans in Fenway plays a part in how the Red Sox perform. Detroit has pitched so well in this series that each time the Red Sox manage a basehit, the crowd releases several innings worth of pent-up energy. And the crowd sees how hungry this team is, and the team feels how hungry the crowd is, and they feed off each other's energies. It's a vicious cycle.

David Ortiz's grand-slam was one of the biggest hits in his storied October career. And it was, importantly, a line driver homerun. In the cold air, high fly balls that arc upward are more likely to be slowed by the cold air and fall in the outfield. Warning, physics lesson approaching: in cold air, air molecules are packed closer together, so a baseball has to push through more of them as it flies from the bat through the air. Each molecule slows the ball down and causes it to lose speed which then causes it to lose height. A high fly ball has a longer path through the air than a direct line-drive, so it has to push through more air molecules. So Ortiz's line drive went through fewer molecules than a fly ball homerun, and that's why it was able to get out. Physics lesson over.

If the series were 2-0 in Detroit's favor, going back to Detroit, I wouldn't like the Red Sox chances. Now at 1-1 the Sox aren't up against any walls. We'll see if Verlander pitches like he did in the regular season or like he did in the ALDS against Oakland. We'll see if Detroit's starters fall back to earth. The series is still wide open thanks to Sunday night's insane drama.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Charlie Riedel

Fuck Rolling Stone Magazine

In a desperate effort to publicize their irrelevant, once-edgy-but-now-utterly-mainstream magazine, Rolling Stone have put alleged Boston Marathon Bomber Dzhokhar (in the magazine they use the teeny-bopper Twitter corruption of his name: Jahar) Tsarnaev on the cover of their upcoming magazine. But it wasn't just any picture. It's a glamorizing, softly lit, almost angelic image of the terrorist. It makes him look like a Disney Channel heartthrob, not a heartless sociopath. They tried to make him look as sexy as possible. As much like a rock-star as possible.

Someone should send a copy of Rolling Stone with sexy Dzhokhar on the cover, to every inmate of that supermax prison in Colorado. Include a note that says "Coming soon to a shower near you."

How edgy of you, Rolling Stone, how very bold. And how brave of you to be so bold. They've released a statement defending of the freedom of the press and touting the merits of journalistic integrity. That's why you made Dzhokhar look as pretty as possible on the cover. Because of all your integrity.

If you truly want to discuss his descent from popular teenager to terrorist, why not have two contrasting images: one like this one, and one of him walking along Boylston Street with a bomb slung over his backpack. Or maybe a picture of him juxtaposed with a picture of the carnage he created.

The Telegraph in Britain figured that out.

That would be journalism. That would be provocative and it would elicit thought. Not merely sensationalist and shocking, in order to generate profit.

And if you were truly brave and truly wanted to push the boundaries of freedom of the press, then you'd have a monthly comic strip featuring the prophet Mohammed (illustrations of Mohammed piss many Muslims off), printed alongside the personal mailing addresses of the magazine's staff. That's brave. This is cowardly. This is just a crude attempt to generate controversy and get people to talk about a magazine they probably assumed wasn't on the shelf anymore.

But if you want to go down this road, you can't do this just once. If Taylor Swift or Jay-Z is on the cover of next month's edition, I'll be very disappointed. You want to be edgy, you want to push the envelope, you must do it ALL THE TIME. You bought the ticket, you take the ride.

Suggestions for future Rolling Stone covers:
Adam Lanza
Aaron Hernandez
Osama bin Laden
Major Nidal Malik Hasan
Joseph Stalin
Muammar Gaddafi
Joseph Kony (remember how much people hated him, then forgot about him)
Timothy McVeigh
James Holmes
Lee Harvey Oswald

And I want the pictures to be as sexy as possible. That's the main thing. The type of thing teenage girls tape to the inside of their lockers. When Rolling Stone put Charles Manson on their cover, he wasn't portrayed as sexy. More crazy than anything else.

Anyway, fuck you, Rolling Stone. You're not journalists, you're just trying to pump some relevancy into your outdated, uninteresting rag. You're not trying to tell a story, controversy be damned. You're trying to make money off pain and suffering, by glamorizing someone who killed innocent people as thoughtlessly and as callously as you turn the page of your shit magazine.

Bruins Lose, Boston Wins

The most important parts of last night's game were the moments before and after the game itself: The National Anthem and the players' salute to the crowd.

As far as the game goes, the Bruins played a strong, emotional game. They weren't lackadaisical as they've been in recent memory. Tip your cap to the Sabres, who are fighting for a playoff spot. And give an extra tip of the cap to Ryan Miller who played an excellent game. Let's not forget that the Sabres have a few Boston connections on their roster, and this game must have been emotional for them as well. Brian Flynn, who took the opening face-off, is from Lynnfield, MA. And Nathan Gerbe played at Boston College. The B's clinched a playoff spot. And that's good news. With 6 games left on their schedule they are tied at the top of the Northeast Division, with a game in hand. The Penguins are in town Friday night.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Elise Amendola