Kate Upton Should Do Play-by-Play for the Bruins (So We Can Watch Her Jump Up and Down)*

Bruins play-by-play announcer Jack Edwards has received some criticism for jumping up and down when the Bruins tied the Rangers Tuesday night. And I think that's a bit unfair. He was excited. And if I were at the game, I'd be jumping up and down too. What made Edwards look silly were the circumstances surrounding his jumping:

1. Men wearing suits look silly when they jump up and down.

2. Men wearing suits look extra silly jumping up and down when standing next to a man in a suit who isn't jumping.

3. Skinny old men with glasses look ridiculously uber-silly when jumping up and down standing next to a man in a suit who isn't jumping.

People like to criticize Jack Edwards, and use the word "caricature" to do it. And while Edwards's shtick goes well beyond normal broadcasting homerism, I think the people critiquing him should remember that he is an entertainer. He's not covering a Presidential Debate or doing play-by-play of a high speed chase. It's a hockey game. Edwards is the equivalent of a goofy weatherman. He tries to add a bit of fun. And if you're not entertained, that's your opinion. But don't get on a high horse about "broadcasting professionalism" or anything like that. He's not trying to be Dan Rather or Walter Cronkite. He's calling a hockey game.

And when you look back at the all-time most memorable sports broadcasters, who stands out? The subdued, dignified, by-the-book professionalists? Or the nutjobs? Who would you rather listen to, Joe Buck or Harry Carey? Do you want to go back in time and get Yogi Berra fired for being a caricature? Or go even further back and tell Red Barber to stop using southern catchphrases like "walking in the tall cotton" or "can of corn?"

Edwards gets carried away. Which is what being a fan is all about. His routine isn't for everyone, just like any entertainer's. But he does his research, he knows the game, knows the players, and to me seems just as professional as any other broadcaster I've heard.

I would still prefer Kate Upton bouncing up and down instead of him.

The Game Isn't Played That Way Anymore*

From across the country, NFL players rallied around the four Saints that were suspended yesterday. The players felt as though Vilma, Hargrove, Smith, and Fujita were being punished for "playing football." That trying to hurt an opponent was "part of the game."

Not anymore.

That's what the players and some fans don't seem to get. The NFL is trying to get rid of that part of the game.

The scandalous part of this scandal was the money. Pay-to-injure. The Saints coaches and players like Vilma paid cash to players for injuring opponents. Which is a salary cap violation. And it also goes against what the NFL has been trying to do in order to limit injuries.

And I know Goodell and the owners are concerned about the safety of their money more than the safety of the players. I know Goodell is an autocrat, a king operating without restrictions. But that's what his position requires.

Everyone in the NFL is concerned about money. Players hold out for money. Players switch teams for money. Neither the owners or the players can use the greed argument against the other. They're all greedy. We're all greedy.

The NFL wants to protect their investment. They invest in the players and invest in the game. The League wants the game to be as hard-hitting and as safe as possible. It's a tenuous balancing act. The NHL is struggling with a similar problem. The NHL wants the game to be as fast and physical as possible, but they don't want to see players carted off the ice with their heads in neckboards. Both leagues want the game exciting so fans watch, but not so violent that they turn away.

The Saints' bounty program unbalanced what the NFL is trying to produce. The Saints' bounty program was purely about hard hits and injuries. The NFL can't allow that.

Vilma, Hargrove, Smith, and Fujita helped Gregg Williams and Sean Payton set up this bounty program. And before this off-season, such a program might have seemed to be part of the way football has always been played.

But it isn't how the game will be played anymore.

Enough of this Saints stuff. I'm going to take Bills' linebacker Kirk Morrison's advice:

Instead of following this Bounty fallout, I'm going to google "Kate Upton Cat Daddy" again. Yeah that's a great idea. Now that's a fallout.
— Kirk Morrison (@kirkmorrison) May 2, 2012