Patriots-Ravens Drinking Game: Christmas Cheer Edition

Only a few days until Christmas. Many people have already started their holiday drinking. Here's a drinking game to play during this afternoon's Patriots/Ravens game.

Anytime a commentator says...
"Rivalry" = take 1 drink from a beer
"Foes" = 1 drink
"AFC Championship" = 1 drink
"Revenge" or "vengeance" = 1 drink
"Rematch" = 2 drinks
"Hoomanawanui" = finish your beer
"Injury" = 1 drink
"Ray Lewis" = take a shot of liquor
"Holidays" = 1 drink
"Season" = 1 drink
"'Tis" = 1 drink
"Merry" = 1 drink
"Christmas" = drink for 10 seconds
"Happy" = 1 drink
"New Year" = 1 drink
"Balmy" = drink an entire beer
"Winter" = 1 drink
"Rain" = 1 drink
"Thunder" = 1 drink
"Lightning" = 1 drink
"Suggs" = 1 drink
"Bulletin board material" = 1 drink
"Ho" = 1 drink per ho


Anytime this is on screen...
Highlights from previous Patriots/Ravens games = drink until the highlights are over
Rob Gronkowski getting injured = 1 drink
An injured Patriot on the sidelines or in a suite = 1 drink
A video, list, or graphic of Patriot injuries = 1 drink per injured player
Anything related to the weather = 1 drink
Chandler Jones and his brother Arthur Jones = 1 drink
Something stupid Terrell Suggs said = 1 drink
Cheerleaders dressed in Christmas attire = 1 drink
Anyone dressed as Santa or an elf = 1 drink per costume
Bill Belichick and The Grinch = finish your beer
A fireplace = drink as long as it's on the screen
A player or coach wishing happy holidays/merry Christmas = 1 drink
Bill Belichick giving season's greetings = drink a whole beer
A member of the broadcast crew wishing HH/Merry Xmas = 1 drink
A stocking = 1 drink per stocking
Christmas ornaments = 1 drink per ornament
Reindeer = 1 drink per antler point
Fake snow = 1 drink per flake
Robert Kraft = 1 drink
Bob Kraft talking to someone = drink the until he's done talking


Anytime this happens...
Tom Brady gets frustrated at himself = 1 drink
Brady gets frustrated at a receiver = 2 drinks
The Patriots fail to score a TD in the Red Zone = shot of liquor and half a beer (just a shot for a field goal)
A Patriots tight-end is thrown to = drink for 10 seconds
A Patriots tight-end catches a pass = drink for 30 seconds
Stevan Ridley carries the ball and doesn't fumble = 1 drink
Ridley fumbles = 1 shot
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink
Slater catches a pass = half a beer
Dont'a Hightower looks lost or gets beat in coverage = 1 drink
Hightower makes a tackle on a rushing play = 1 drink
Announcers mention that Chandler Jones and Ravens' defensive lineman Arthur Jones are brothers = 1 drink
Brady says "Aplha Milk" = 1 drink from spiked eggnog
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff return = drink until return is over


Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus, Happy Saturnalia, Happy New Year, and get lubed up responsibly.

Terrell Suggs: One of my New Favorite Players

There was some discussion this week about a scoreboard error at Gillette Stadium which made Baltimore kicker Billy Cundiff think it was the wrong down. This not only shook up his pre-kick routine on the sideline, it also seemed to force him to rush his lining up for a 32 yard field goal. A field goal he famously missed.

There was an attempt by some to turn this into SpyGate 2.0. It's being called ScoreboardGate. And one Ravens coach (Randy Brown, the Ravens' kicking consultant) when asked about the possibility of the Patriots intentionally sowing confusion said "I don't think you can rule anything out in New England, can you?"

The story never took off, despite considerable effort from the bombastic and outlandish wing of the sports media. Outside of Boston, some people tried to make a name for themselves by spewing innuendo, and implying some scoreboard trickery. And inside of Boston, fans and media stalwartly defended their team against an attack that never really came.

WEEI.com's headline, for instance, read "Ravens blame scoreboard for missed kick." Which wasn't true at all. The Ravens didn't make any assertion. The aforementioned Brown was led to say what he said. Which was kind of stupid, but the kicking consultant is hardly the voice for the entire Ravens organization. And head coach John Harbaugh called the whole notion of foul play "nonsense." None of the Ravens made accusations. All accusations were made by sports media people, who then tried to generate a story about the accusations that they themselves made. Sort of like accusing someone of being an alien, then referring to them as an "alleged alien."

The media tried to make a story out of nothing, but their wheels never got any traction. Mainly because despite the confusion, Cundiff should have still made the kick. And also because any sensible person could realize that the scoreboard's error was due to miscommunication over a ruling on Anquan Boldin's fumble out of bounds, which brought the ball back to where he last controlled it, not where it left the field of play. Moreover, the circumstances were so weird that the notion of premeditation was absurd.

Imagine Belichick telling a scoreboard operator, that just in case the Ravens fumbled a ball out of bounds past a first down marker, to screw up on the down and distance, thus confusing the placekicker. That's a little far-fetched, even for the Arlen Specters of the world. And he's the guy who came up with the Magic Bullet Theory.

Terrell Suggs had the best dismissal of this non-story, when Skip Bayless tried to jumpstart the conspiracy theories.

I'm glad Suggs called out him out. But asking Skip Bayless not to be a douchebag is like asking water not to be wet.

Even after Bayless tries and fails to get Suggs to accuse the Patriots of cheating (using a gentle sounding euphemism like "home-cooking"), he then tries to get Suggs to badmouth his own coach. He tries to start one fire, then moves on to start another.

Bayless is a tool. And that's why he has a job. Which makes him an even bigger tool. And makes people who watch him, even if they hate him, tools. Because people do like to watch him be a douchebag, and that's why he gets paid. And that pisses me off.

I want a "Be an Analyst, Don't be a Douchebag" t-shirt. Of course Bayless is such a tool that he'd probably be the one selling them.

Patriots/Ravens Preview

This is the 6th time the Pats have been in the AFC Championship in the Belichick-Brady era. Think about that. 6 times since 2000. Before the B-B epoch (1960-1999), the Pats had reached the AFC/AFL title game a total of 3 times.

Last week, the Patriots were fortunate enough to face the #12 seed in the playoff tournament. They also played the worst QB in the playoffs. And maybe that good fortune has extended into the AFC Championship game. Joe Flacco is the worst QB remaining in the playoffs. 20 touchdowns and 12 picks in the regular season. An 80.9 rating, which puts him 18th in the NFL, between Kevin Kolb and Carson Palmer.

But you don't need a great QB to win a playoff game. Just ask Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers. Or ask the Ravens, for that matter. The Ravens have an excellent chance in this game, although it all depends on one thing. Can they get to Brady?

The Ravens were tied for 3rd in sacks with 48. Suggs had 14 on his own. They can get pressure on Brady. Which means the Patriots will have to rely on guys like Welker and Gronkowski to get open quickly. They'll also need that offensive line to play one of its best games of the season.

If the Ravens do get pressure on Brady and keep the Patriots' offense in check, they can run the ball, they can play possession football, and they can squeeze out a win.

It's tough to respect Flacco, though. It seems like if the Patriots go up by even 4, then Flacco will find some way to screw up.

This game will be tough for Brady and the offense to rack up an absurd number of points. But it'll also be tough for Flacco and the Ravens to do similar. I think the Patriots will win this in a tight contest.

27-20 Pats.