BREAKING NEWS: Wes Welker to Retire

Disclaimer: This isn't in any way true, nor is it even rational speculation. But everyone else in New England is reporting all sorts of stuff about Welker, from he and the Patriots being close to signing a deal, to Welker having "mild disdain" for the team and how negotiations went last year. This story is based on nothing.

Wes Welker is done with football. The rampant speculation out there in the Boston Sports Media is a mere screen for the truth: that Welker will be moving on from the game. He will be testing free agency in the world outside of sports, and attempt to find employment utilizing his Management degree from Texas Tech.

While this decision seems shocking, it does make sense. Once or twice I've seen Mr. Welker at Toby Keith's Bar and Grille in Foxborough, not playing football. On those occasions, he was not playing football, and yet seemed happy. It follows that he can be happy without playing football at all.

Professional football is also a very limiting business. There are only 32 franchises to choose from, in 31 markets. Welker's Management degree can provide him with opportunities in any city in the country. In the world, actually. How many times can you visit Orchard Park, NY until you get sick of it and want to travel across Europe or Southeast Asia? Welker might particularly enjoy Asia, where his height of 5' 9" would be above average (in China men have an average height of 5' 5.5" and in Japan it's 5' 7" and Indonesia's men are an average height of 5' 2"). Welker can finally be the tall guy in the room.

Finally, no matter what football team Welker could play for, there's very little room for advancement. He's hit his ceiling in the football industry as Starting Player. It would take years for him to rise above that position and enter Coaching ranks, and next to impossible for him to reach the level of CEO or President or Owner. I think Welker would rather start his own business, where he can run things the way he wants to run them. He can decide which direction to go instead of running routes in a playbook written by someone else.

So good luck, Wes. Enjoy your retirement.

Capitals Outwork Bruins

Last night was a great chance for the Bruins to pick themselves up after a tough divisional loss. They came out strong, apparently unfazed by the loss to Montreal or the chatter that followed. They even scored a Power Play goal.

This team is rarely up by 3 goals, and maybe that's a good thing. They seem to play worse when up by 3. They play their best when leading or trailing by a goal or two. When they get a 3 goal lead, they settle in. That pattern repeated itself last night.

Look at Washington's OT goal. Four Bruins on the ice, none skating with any drive or purpose, just floating around on the ice.

The Bruins didn't do much to add to their lead once they went up 3-0. Here's an alarming fact, not a single Bruins forward scored a goal in open play. Marchand scored a penalty shot, and the other two goals came from Chara and Hamilton. The lack of offense from forwards not named Marchand is a problem for this team. And they're getting almost no production from the 3rd line.

Then there's Rask. He wasn't bad. He wasn't great. He only saw 26 shots, and only saved 22. This team can't rely on Rask to play like a robot night in and night out. They have to make more plays in front of them. And they need to string together 3 consecutive periods of quality play.

Important divisional game Thursday as the Maple Leafs come to town.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Alex Brandon

Montreal Scum 4, Bruins 3

Whenever the Bruins play the Canadiens, the Bruins allow themselves to be surprised by Montreal's speed. They don't seem to give the Canadiens credit for being so fast. The simple fact is the Habs close down space much more quickly than anyone else. Five feet of passing lane is not a passing lane against them. It's a trap. When the Bruins lose to the Habs, they typically allow a goal or two from a turnover that was caused by not respecting Montreal's speed.

Speed is, however, almost all there is one can respect about Montreal (apart from goaltending). We witnessed more typical Montrealness last night: Alexei Emelin cross-checks Tyler Seguin in the ribs (and even breaks his stick doing so), and there's no call. Zdeno Chara sticks up for his injured teammate and gets 17 minutes in penalties. Emelin gets 5. And 0 for what he did to Seguin. We'll see if Brendan Shanahan's YouTube account has anything to say about Emelin's cross-check, but I doubt it. After all, how could cross-checking an opponent's best offensive player in the ribs be seen as "intent to injure?"

The Bruins lost Chara's services for 17 minutes and allowed 2 goals in that span. One of Montreal's goals was due to a screen that Chara could have cleared out. Another was a loose puck in the crease Chara could have knocked out.

I'm not blaming the refs. The Bruins made plenty of mistakes to deserve to lose this game. And refs are human. But you wonder why the NHL has injury problems, then you see Emelin do what he did and go unpunished, then Chara attempts to make Emelin pay, but it was Chara and the Bruins who paid the price.

That's why players like Matt Cooke collect regular paychecks and Marc Savard goes to therapy for depression. Because the NHL doesn't punish dirty play or dirty players, but it does punish retaliation for dirty play.

Oh and it wants to emphasize the enforcement of holding and interference. Apparently Seguin getting hit after giving up the puck wasn't interference either.

Anyway, tough stretch ahead for the Bruins. This condensed 48 game schedule is finally going to start to feel condensed. For the rest of the season, they only have one pair of back-to-back off days. Starting Tuesday in Washington they play 5 games in 8 days.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Steven Senne

Bruins Get Some Sequestration Through the Senators

If you took the speeds of the two Bruins goals, and combined them, then drove a car on I-93 at that speed, you'd get pulled over for driving too slow and being a hazard to traffic.

This team is winning games, even when they aren't the clearly superior team. And that is good news and bad news. The good news is they know how to win close games. They don't give up many cheap goals, they don't make defensive mistakes, and turnovers are rare.

The bad news is that the Power Play stinks, and that some of the goals this team scores almost seem accidental.

There is no denying that the Bruins are playing like a great regular season team. And before we go nuts, let's remember how relevant being a great regular season team is. Let's ask the Canucks how important that is.

There is a lot for this team to work on before the Playoffs. But before those Playoffs come, I will spend a few moments emphasizing the positive. Tuukka Rask has developed into a premium NHL goalie. He's gotten faster. At least he seems to have gotten faster. What's actually happened is he's reading the play better. He's anticipating. He now has a quick mind and quick reflexes.

The Bruins host the Lightning Saturday afternoon.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo/Charles Krupa

Thoughts on Boston's Finest

Boston's Finest premiered on TNT last night. It's the latest in the Bostonization of TV/Movies trend that was kicked off by Good Will Hunting 16 years ago, and truly shifted into high gear with The Departed.

Overall I liked it. I found it interesting. It was like Cops with a backstory and high production values. Less anonymous shirtless men being arrested, more storylines about a particular case or officer. Here are a few thoughts on the episode last night:

Does the rest of the country know that there are bands from Boston other than Dropkick Murhpy's? I'm sick of every Boston show/movie/story being coupled with that band. I'm sick of that band. We get it, you're Irish, you're from Boston, you have a fiddle with guitars. A decade ago it was new and unique, now it's old and repetitive. And I hate that for some reason shows and movies feel the need to incorporate Dropkick Murphy's cliched music into anything that has to do with Boston.

Get a different narrator. I know it's Donnie Wahlberg's show, and while he did a good job with the voice overs, it was painful to hear yet another Boston accent. And I'm from just outside Boston. Accented narrating is always irritating (See: Leo DiCaprio in Gangs of New York). And when he'd drop slang into his narration (like "transpo" instead of "transport" for the paddy wagon), all I could do was grumble.

Boston cops swear a lot. Cops in general swear a lot. Then they get testy if you swear at them. Even if you're not yelling when you swear.

The show slowed down to a crawl at times. There were scenes with high levels of tension and excitement. Those scenes were tense because there was a high potential for action. Then there were slow, talky scenes. Especially with the female cop's mother. That just kept going. Those scenes had no potential for action, and therefore no tension. The show went from 90 miles per hour to 15, to 90, to 15. Gas, brakes, gas, brakes.

Slower scenes are fine, but don't switch between fast and slow. It's jarring. And it makes slower scenes seem even slower. Say that 5 times fast.

The out of control siren incident was funny. It was nice relief from the chase for the drug dealer and the drug addicted sister

I would not fuck with BPD's Gang Unit. Ever. They looked serious.

I Would Not Miss Brandon Lloyd

74 catches, 911 yards. 74 catches, 911 yards. 74 catches, 911 yards. All week, whenever Brandon Lloyd has been discussed, these figures were repeated. Over. And over. And over.

I'm not impressed. Not at all.

On the surface 74 catches and 911 yards seems productive. Especially compared to what Chad Ochocinco gave the Pats in 2011. However, other numbers tell a different story about Brandon Lloyd's season. He was soft, unreliable, and not explosive at all. Numbers prove it.

Before I delve into those numbers, how many catches and yards would Lloyd have had if Hernandez, Gronkowski, and Edelman been healthy all season? I'd say 55 catches and 650 yards would be fair. So that 74-911 is partially due to Brady's other options missing time.

Brandon Lloyd was 2nd on this team with 74 receptions. But was 5th in Yards After the Catch (YAC). With only 180 YAC from 74 receptions, that works out to be an average of 2.43 yards after the catch per reception. That's abysmal. Especially for a so-called "outside the numbers" receiver. Lloyd fell to the ground quickly and skedaddled out of bounds at the first sign of trouble. He was soft.

As a team, the Patriots had over 2,000 total YAC. Lloyd's contribution to that was a measly 8.9%. Lloyd's 2.43 YAC per Reception was the worst among Patriots with 20+ catches. Danny Woodhead was the best in that category with 6.55, followed by Julian Edelman at 6.48, then Rob Gronkowski at 5.55, Wes Welker at 5.25, and Aaron Hernandez at 3.82. All but Hernandez doubled Lloyd's production after the catch.

Another stat demonstrates Lloyd's inconsistency and unreliability. All season long, he made absurdly difficult catches, but struggled with the easy ones. He was targeted 130 times (only Welker was targeted more at 174) and managed to catch the ball 74 times. That's 56.9%. And that's for a guy who spends most of his time on the outside, not in the clustered middle of the field. 56 times this season, Brady threw the ball in his direction and Lloyd didn't catch it.

Welker caught 67.8% of his targets, Gronkowski 70%, Hernandez 61%, Woodhead 73%, Edelman 66%. Whenever Lloyd was on the field, he was Brady's least reliable target.

Lloyd was inconsistent from play to play, and was also inconsistent from week to week. He only had four games with 80+ yards. And only eight games with 50+ yards.

Finally, Lloyd was not explosive at all. He had 10 catches of 20 yards or more. So 64 of his receptions were for 19 or less. In the NFL last season, 55 players had 10+ catches of 20+ yards, so his 10 aren't stunning (especially considering his 130 targets). Lloyd only had 2 catches of 30+ yards. He averaged 12.3 yards per catch, which was a career low.

He did catch 50 first downs, which was 2nd only behind Welker's 74. Then again, the Pats had 256 receiving first downs, so his contribution was less than a fifth. And the Patriots ran for 151 more first downs (407 total), so his contribution is more like an eighth (12.3%).

I'm not arguing that Lloyd is a problem and needs to go. He was kind of productive, in his own way. But, he was also soft, limited, not explosive, inconsistent, unreliable.

Replacing Lloyd's 74 catches and 911 receptions might prove difficult. But getting more meaningful production from someone else won't be hard at all.

I Want to Go to Sacred Heart Because of Bobby Valentine

When Sacred Heart announced that Bobby Valentine would be their new Athletic Director, I began thinking of a way to experience firsthand the calamity and chaos that will undoubtedly unfold in Fairfield. I'm tempted to go to SHU for grad school. I want to be down there to see Bobby V AD.

What does an AD do? One thing they do that Bobby should thrive at is being ridiculously friendly. At Boston College, for instance, Gene DeFillippo always had a smile, and new AD Brad Bates shakes everybody's hand. They're like politicians. They want you to feel as though you have a personal connection with them and with their Department.

Bobby V can smile and work a room. So on the surface, he can do the most apparent thing ADs do.

ADs also delegate. That's probably the most important thing they do, assign responsibility Sacred Heart currently employs 8 Associate Athletic Directors. Not to mention the staff that run operations for each team, equipment managers, facility directors, marketers, coaches, schedulers, conference liaisons, and so on.

Delegating is not something Valentine does well. He has to be in charge of everything. He has to be responsible for everything. He's scared to let anyone else do their job.

Maybe Valentine will be a figurehead, and he won't have to do anything but be a friendly guy, give a few speeches, schmooze a few donors, and let his staff do the hard work and make all the decisions. For Sacred Heart's sake, I hope so. But for the sake of my own sadistic curiosity, I want him to have real power. I want to see him giving tips to a basketball coach in the middle of a game. I want to see him change the tennis team's diet. I want to see him change the hockey team's weight-training regimen.

I want to be close to his office, listen to him ramble on the phone, pretending to know everything there is to know about field hockey.

I want him to write columns in the school newspaper, laced with paranoia, in defense of his decisions.

I want him to use the media to call out one of the cross country runners for not working hard enough.

I want to buy the baseball coach a drink because that poor bastard now has the worst job in sports: trying to manage a baseball team with Bobby Valentine as your superior/overseer/overlord. How long until Bobby V is spotted in the stands of an SHU baseball game, wearing sunglasses and fake mustache of course, giving his own signals to the players?

So I will consider applying to Sacred Heart's grad school programs, just to be right on top of the bomb as it repeatedly explodes.

Patriots and Tom Brady Agree to Extension

The New England Patriots and Tom Brady agreed to a contract extension that would keep Brady in Foxborough until 2017, when he would be 40 years old. The additional 3 years are reported to be worth a total of $27 million. The restructured deal also creates $15 million in cap space for the Patriots the next 2 seasons.

Two things jump out at me after reading this.

#1: How Tom Brady, compared to Peyton Manning, doesn't seem to mind if he's the highest paid QB in the NFL or not. He's getting paid millions, but it doesn't become an ego thing with him like it does with his colleagues. He's confident enough that he doesn't need to be the highest paid, or be in the most commercials.

#2: There are rumors that the Patriots and Wes Welker are close to a long-term deal. That deal is rumored to be worth about $8 million per season. And that's close to how much cap space the Patriots created with this move. I know this is quite a conclusion to jump to. We're taking a fact, adding a rumor, and trying to produce a conclusion. However, the pieces of the puzzle seem to fit together very well.