Thursday, October 16, 2014

Patriots-Jets Drinking Game: Thursday Night Football (sucks) Edition

I've had enough of Thursday Night Football. If the Patriots aren't playing, I tend not to care about it at all. If the Pats are playing, it throws off my whole week. You're supposed to watch the game Sunday, digest the result on Monday, analyze it on Tuesday, see where it stacks up in the big picture on Wednesday, start looking ahead on Thursday, then enjoy the beginning of the weekend Friday. Then the weekend ends with football on Sunday.

Thursday Night Football doesn't fit in. And it double-screws fans who go to the game, since they can't properly tailgate without leaving work early, and can't get properly lubed up without taking Friday off.

If you're going to play this drinking game, it will do more than throw you off your rhythm. It will incapacitate you 60+ hours, until the remainder of the NFL games are played Sunday afternoon.

Anytime a commentator says:
"Rain" or anything weather related = 1 drink of beer
"Thursday" = 1 drink
"New" = 1 drink
"Divisiona(al)" = 1 drink
"Rival(ry)" = 1 drink
"East" = 1 drink
"Rex" = 1 drink
"Line" = 1 drink
"Coach" = 1 drink
"Dante" = 1 drink
"Logan" = 1 drink
"Revis" = 1 drink
"Island" = 1 drink, preferably something tropical
"Injury" = 1 drink
"ACL" and/or "MCL" = 1 drink
"Hoomanawanui" or any variation of it = 1 drink


Anytime this is on screen:
Puddles or running water = 1 drink
Someone in a raincoat or poncho = 1 drink per coat
Foliage = 1 drink for every color of leaf you can see
A pumpkin = 1 drink. If drinking a pumpkin flavored beer, you must finish it
A graphic with pictures of Rex Ryan and Bill Belichick = drink the entire time the graphic is on screen
A graphic with quotes = drink the entire time the graphic is on screen
A Patriot player getting injured, live or on film = 1 shot of liquor
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Kraft talking to someone = drink for as long as he's talking
Bill Belichick = 1 drink
Rex Ryan = 1 drink, plus a goddamn snack
Belichick and Ryan on split screen = half a beer
Ryan and Belichick shaking hands = 1 shot
Danny Amendola = finish your beer


Anytime this happens:
A penalty flag = 1 drink
A bad penalty flag = 1 shot
Touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff return = drink for the duration of the return. For bonus points, drink 1 second for every yard the return gained
Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = half a beer
Michael Vick = no drinks, but if you have a dog, give it a good belly rub and pat yourself on the back that you're a good pet owner
You're mesmerized by how white Rex Ryan's teeth are = 1 drink, then swallow a shot of Listerine
Josh McDaniels gets too cute with play-calling = 1 shot
Chandler Jones makes a big play = 1 drink
The Patriots go no huddle = 1 drink per snap
Brady points out the "mic" = 1 drink
Brady says "Alpha Milk" = 1 drink, bonus points if drinking a White Russian
Brady and a receiver aren't on the same page = 1 drink
You're worried that Edelman is hurt = 1 drink
You're worried that Gronk is hurt = 1 drink
Brady throws to someone not named Julian or Rob = 1 drink
That person catches the ball = another drink
Brady gets hurried = 1 drink
Brady gets hit = 1 drink, 1 shot
Brady gets sacked = 1 drink, 1 shot, snort a line of painkillers
Vince Wilfork makes a big play = 1 drink
Wilfork forces and/or recovers a turnover = 1 drink, 1 shot
Wilfork returns a turnover for a TD = 1 drink, 1 shot, eat a turkey leg
You realize that the Kansas City Royals are in the World Series, and it's the first time that's happened since the Super Bowl Shuffle = drink something that's 29 years old, or drink 29 ounces of something heavily alcoholic


Get lubed up responsibly, stay dry, and enjoy the game

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous11:24 AM

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