What questions would you ask Marshawn Lynch?

Marshawn Lynch answered almost every question he was asked by media on Sunday with "Thanks for asking."

Earlier in the season he answered reporters by repeating "Yeah."

Not exactly the loquacious type, is he?

As a Bill Belichick fan, I am all for wasting the media's time. It's funny how some members of the media, when presented with guys like Lynch who make their job difficult, will work themselves into a moral outrage over what Lynch is doing. They'll say that Lynch is being disrespectful to the fans, or creating a distraction, or committing some other uproarious sports sin. Somehow not talking to the media, something quite trivial, becomes an egregious wrong.

Even funnier than that outrage is that the reporters still ask Lynch serious questions. "Can you describe the 79-yard run?" (by the way, that's media talk for "I can't come up with a good question, but can you do my job for me and give me a quote/soundbyte about a big play?") That's a stupendously awful question, asking a guy to describe something you saw for yourself. But I digress.

If I were a reporter, I would ask less serious questions. Such as...

"Do you believe in Santa, and if so, what do you want from him for Christmas?"

"Open gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?"

"Turkey, or ham?"

"Follow up, paired with what wine?"

"Is Elf on the Shelf too creepy for kids?"

"People have described you as a 'bad man,' does that mean you'll be getting coal for Christmas?"

"Favorite reindeer not named Rudolph?"

"Favorite classic kids Christmas special: Rudolph, Charlie Brown, or the Grinch?"

"Besides Bill Belichick, who in the NFL is most like the Grinch?"

"Besides Pete Carroll, who in the NFL is most like Rudolph?"

"How would you react to meeting an Irishman named Sean Mar?"

"Are you thinking about a career in media after your playing days are over?"

"Follow up: If you were interviewing yourself, what would you ask yourself?" (this is getting into Inside the Actors Studio territory so I'll wrap it up)

"What is your favorite one-word response to media questions?"

So, what questions should reporters ask Marshawn Lynch? What would you ask him?

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2013 BBS Awards: Dan Shaughnessy Award for Most Irritating Sports Media Personality

This award once went to the worst sportswriter. But that term is too limited. Not many sportswriters are just sportswriters anymore. Past "winners" of this award include Ron Borges, Tony Massarotti, and Dan Shaughnessy himself. This year we have two "winners." And I'm surprised that I haven't even considered them for this award in the past.

The "winners" of the Dan Shaughnessy "Shank" Award are John Dennis and Gerry Callahan of WEEI's Dennis and Callahan.

You might not know who these two are. And judging by their dwindling listening audience, many of you don't. Dennis and Callahan rarely talk about sports on their morning show. They'll rant about politics or discuss who won the Oscars or talk about the latest episode of whatever TV show they've become obsessed with.

And when they do talk about sports, they never let lack of knowledge or insight stand in the way of making opinions. And these aren't interesting, contrarian opinions like you'd get from Michael Felger. These are just stupid.

They suck up to athletes who appear on their show. Most notably Tom Brady. They criticize everyone else but will never EVER say a negative word about any of the athletes who give them the time of day.

So they're annoying, stupid, generally wrong, biased, offensive, and arrogant. They've alienated women, liberals, moderates, conservatives (such as myself), and people who like sports talk. They suck. Worst sports radio show on the major stations, and that's saying something.

I Hate the Phrase "Punched Their Ticket"

This is the time of year when I become obsessed with basketball. The other 11 months I don't really care about the sport. At least not as much as football, hockey, baseball, soccer, curling, et cetera. But in March I can't get enough of the game. The mid-majors, the upsets, the buzzer beaters. The MVC, the OVC, the WCC, the ACC, the Atlantic 10, the Big Ten, the Big XII, the Big East. It's a relentless barrage of tension and thrills.

However, there is one thing about this time of year that threatens to give me a rage-induced conniption...

The phrase "punched their ticket," and all associated forms.

It's such a tired, worn-out, overused, out-of-date, unoriginal, uninteresting sports cliche. You hear it and read it constantly, in highlight reels and game recaps. "Florida Gulf Coast was the first team to punch their ticket," "Belmont punched their ticket for the third straight year," "Harvard punched their ticket because there's no tournament in the Ivy League," "Liberty punched their ticket despite 20 losses." Every conference tournament is another ticket punched. So many tickets. So many punches. So many times this same phrase is used.

The problem is, there's no other quick and colorful way to say "earned a berth in the NCAA tournament."

We must come up with another phrase. This level of repetition is unacceptable for a writer. Not to mention how out-of-date the phrase is. How often do you have a ticket that's punched these days? Here are some suggested replacements:

"Won a berth" is the most basic substitute. Although there's no flare to that. And in Sportswriting 101, future sports media are instructed to use as many formulaic, hackneyed expressions as possible, in an effort to make their writing appear interesting (see: "three-point land")

"Penetrated the bubble." I'm not sure this makes much sense, as most teams that win conference tourneys aren't bubble teams. But it sounds good. And kind of dirty.

"Date with 68." I like this, even though teams would technically have a date with 67 teams. It rhymes, it's catchy, and you can still use it when the Tournament expands to 128 teams.

"Cashed in." There's lots of money to be made by an NCAA appearance. And for USC's basketball program, this phrase is especially appropriate.

"Stamped their name on the bracket." Kind of long, but it's clear, active, and more up-to-date.

"Earned a slash." This can be used for teams that will be forced to go through one of the play-in games. Liberty, with their 20 losses, definitely earned a slash.

These are the humble suggestions of one sports fan who likes to write, and who hates hearing the same stupid phrases over and over again. I'm sure the truly great sportswriters out there, if there are any, can come up with something better. If only they tried to do so.