Patriots dynasty is over, yet again

Texans 28, Patriots 24. And with that, the Patriots' run of success has come to an end. It's over. The dynasty is done. All good things come to an end. The defense isn't as strong as we thought. The offense is shriveled and flaccid. They can't even figure out the field goal kicker. Cue the hearses for the funeral procession.

We know with certainty this is the end because we've seen the end so many times. Perhaps the most remarkable thing about the Patriots' dominance of the 21st century is how many times their reign has ended and the team has fallen apart.

It came to an end a month ago in Baltimore. And of course, last winter it was all over in Kansas City when Damien Williams scored with 2:03 left to beat the Patriots in the AFC Championship game. Before that, the dynasty fell apart when the Pats were forced to go on the road to win the AFC, something they hadn't succeeded at in years. There was no way they'd win.

The Miami Miracle also ended the Patriots' 2018 season, and thus also their string of triumphs. Before that, losses in Tennessee, Detroit, and Jacksonville each ended the 2018 season as well. The 2018 Patriots were knocked out of contention about 6 or 7 times in 2018.

Of course, the Patriots never recovered from losing to the Eagles in the Super Bowl. And since parting ways with Malcolm Butler, the defense just hasn't been the same.

The Falcons embarrassed the Patriots the year before that. And that 2016 regular season was the end of the Pats' dynasty because they'd have to play without Brady for 4 games, and also there was that irreconcilable turmoil between Kraft/Belichick/Brady over the fate of Jimmy Garoppolo. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put the Patriots dynasty back together again.

Ever since losing to the Chiefs in September 2014, the Patriots just haven't been "Good anymore." They've collapsed about a dozen times since then. Maybe more. Just like when 2002's 9-7 record showed that the year before was a fluke. Or in week 1 in 2003 when Tom Jackson revealed to us that the Patriots "hate their coach."

Now the AFC baton is being passed to the Ravens and Chiefs. Just like Mark Sanchez and the Jets took it in 2010 and went on to glory. Or the Colts took it and had a streak of banner years with Manning and Luck. Or the year-in year-out success of the Broncos. Or the way the Steelers have been able to get past the Patriots both on the field and in their own minds.

People have been digging graves for the Patriots dynasty ever since they picked them to lose to the Steelers and Rams in 2001, or thought the Patriots were done winning in that stretch from 2005 to 2014.

At some point the Patriots dynasty will die. And maybe it's now. But the people predicting this death have spent years, even decades digging empty graves for the Pats. So if this is indeed the end, I'll enjoy an Irish wake and revel in the good times, and the unparalleled competitiveness of this team. I'll pay my respects and congratulate myself for only mourning the dearly departed just once, not 20+ times.

And if this isn't the end, I'll smile like the insufferable prick I am as I watch the exhausted haters and befuddled fools start digging the next set of graves for this team.

My favorite defensive performance of the season so far

The first few weeks of the season, the Patriots defense looked like an all-time great unit: Picks, fumbles, sacks, shutouts, scores. But it was mostly against bad QBs and bad teams. I'm not taking anything away from the Pats' D, but is it really a huge achievement to get 4 picks against the Dolphins?

What I've been wanting to see from this defense is if they had the ability to consistently make tough stands against decent offensive players. And that's what they did Sunday in Philadelphia.

The Eagles only had two drives that lasted more than 5 plays. The Patriots forced four 3-and-outs. They held the Eagles to drives of under 20 yards seven times. Cameron Johnston has a season-high 8 punts.

Last night I thought this win was ugly, but as I look back on the defensive performance, it's very attractive on that side of the ball: five sacks, a forced fumble, holding the Eagles under 100 rushing yards, under 200 passing yards. And it's not like the offense was putting the defense in great situations either.

So more than any other defensive performance this season, the 60 minutes in Philly yesterday impressed me the most.

But you're only as good as your next 60 minutes, which will be against the even better offense of the Dallas Cowboys.

Photo credit: Mitchell Leff/Getty Images

Antonio Brown acquisition: Let's not queue up the quacking duck boats yet

The Patriots have signed star receiver Antonio Brown. Understandably, we're all excited about this acquisition. Look at the Pats' receiving options: Gordon, Edelman, Thomas, and then add a guy who has caught 100+ passes for 1,200+ yards each of the past 6 seasons. It's absurd.

But let's pace ourselves here and wait until Brown is actually catching touchdowns before we start celebrating them. Let's also wait to see if Gordon can stay clean between now and February, if Edelman's concussed brain can last another year of relentless hits across the middle, if Demariyus Thomas can recover and carve out a role here.

I'm not being negative. I'm happy with this move. And if Brown is a problem the Patriots will jettison him without hesitation. I'm pleased, but not ecstatic. I'll enjoy Antonio Brown's performance one catch at a time, not all at once before it even happens.

Patriots fans have a problem of anticipation and expectations. And it ruins their enjoyment of this team's success. They expect a 14-2 (or better) season with multiple touchdown margins of victory most weeks. So when that happens they don't even enjoy it. And when the Pats don't meet those lofty expectations, the fans act like the team hasn't won 6 rings, or been to 8 straight AFC title games. They don't fully enjoy watching the high quality of football being played in Foxborough. It's like sitting down to a perfectly cooked steak dinner, but instead of taking our time to savor each juicy bite, Pats fans put it in a blender, liquefy it, and chug it down in one gulp.

I don't know how much Antonio Brown will contribute to the 2019 Patriots. He certainly has a huge ceiling. He could be a huge bust. But I'll wait until he's making big plays to celebrate his big plays. One game at a time, one play at a time.

The NFL is now a safe space for snowflakes

NFL owners are not trying to preserve honor and respect for the American flag. They are trying to make the NFL a safe space with limited speech, and protect a legion of easily upset fans so they don't throw a tantrum and change the channel because something made them mad.

The League has every right to do this. In this great country, you have the absolute right to prioritize profit over morality. You can suppress protests, then sell patriotism to stuff your pockets with cash as much as you want. It's a free country.

And if you can do so while accepting public funds for stadiums, so much the better. Hooray for private enterprise!

But now the NFL is akin to ultra-thin-skinned universities where safe spaces protect people from thoughts and opinions they are offended by. The snowflakes on the right are just as delicate and sensitive as those on the left. They need rules and regulations to protect them from the realities of the world.

Anyone embracing this rule is as dainty and weak as a college student offended by the movie How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

The Tuukka Rask Problem: Rask gets worse as series get longer

As series grow longer, Bruins goalie Tuukka Rask's performances get worse. His splits in playoff series speak for themselves.

	Games 1-4	Games 5-7
Record:	27-13	6-12
GAA:	1.93	2.77
SV%:	0.936	0.904

In his Game 6 starts, Rask is 1-5, with a .901 save percentage and 2.82 GAA. It gets worse in Game 7, where Rask is 1-2, with an .849 SV% and 3.63 GAA.

Why is this? I wouldn't go so far as to say Rask is a choker. He's allowed some soft goals in the playoffs but he doesn't typically have meltdowns in big games.

However, opponents do seem to figure him out as they play against him. After getting 100 or so shots on net, teams seem to know where the gaps will be.

Rask, at 176 pounds, is more prone to having leaks than bigger goalies who have more surface area to protect the net. It makes sense that after 4 or 5 games of trying to find those holes, other teams figure out where they are. For example, in Saturday night's Bruins loss, the Leafs successfully went high on Rask and chased him from the game. And unfortunately, Rask doesn't seem to be as good at figuring his opponents out, as they are at figuring him out.

With Rask in net, if series get past 5 games, the Bruins are 2-4. Rask hasn't won a Game 6 since 2010 against Buffalo.

If he doesn't win tonight's Game 6, and then the following Game 7, it's time for the Bruins to look for a new goalie.

Bruins vs. Maple Leafs Game 3 quick reactions

It's a series again. This is why the Stanley Cup playoffs are by far the best playoffs in North American sports. Quick thoughts about the Bruins' 4-2 loss in Toronto Monday night:

1. Toronto didn't suck for 60 minutes
As amazing as the B's looked in Games 1 and 2, especially on offense, Toronto played like garbage in those games. Full credit to the Bruins for taking that trash out to the curb, but now the Leafs have showed up and played like an NHL team. And the Bruins had trouble overcoming that.

2. The refs sucked, but Bruins lost on their own
The weird non-icing calls, the bad delay of game call, the refs were awful. So what? It's not like the Bruins dominated this game otherwise. It was a back and forth tilt, Bruins didn't do enough to win with or without shaky officiating.

3. Rask wasn't great
It is not unfair for me to ask a supposedly great goalie to give us a great performance. Rask wasn't a big reason why the Bruins lost, but he didn't do enough to be a reason for them to win. That's his M.O. in the playoffs, and I'm sick of it.

4. Bruins need offense from more than one line
Toronto used the last shift to set the match ups they wanted and cool off the red hot Bergeron line. The B's 4th line did their job, but there wasn't much offense from the other forwards. It'll be tough to go deep with only one line scoring goals.

5. Bruins need to find a way to win grinding games
The Bruins have the offensive skills to cycle and score. They're one of the best teams in the NHL at that. But are they one of the best at grinding too? They'll need to be. This was a physical game with every play contested, every body on a body. The Bruins weren't physically dominated BUT they didn't physically dominate either.

Can they do better than play to a stalemate in such a rough game?

We'll see.

Patriots vs Eagles Drinking Game: Super Bowl Edition

Patriots in the Super Bowl again. Feels like a sequel to Groundhog Day where the protagonist over and over lives the same football season every year. Patriots start out as favorites, meet adversity, get dismissed by pundits, win a few games, Pats haters whine about something, ESPN makes outlandish claims, Pats win two playoff games, two weeks of media garbage, concluded with a thrilling football game.

History will be made on Sunday. No player has ever won 6 Super Bowls. No player wearing an Eagles jersey has ever won a Super Bowl. One of those things will happen Sunday. With this drinking game, you too can make history. You too can be the GOAT of Sunday evening drinking and Monday morning hangovers. There are no days off when it comes to abusing your liver.

So get lubed up, do your job, and we're not done (drinking).

Anytime a commentator says:

"Super" = take 1 drink of beer

"Bowl" = 1 drink, bonus points for hitting a bowl

"Fifty" = 1 drink

"Two," "too," or "to" = 1 drink

"Minneapolis" = 1 drink

"St. Paul" = 1 drink, say a prayer

"Twin cities" = two drinks

"Minnesota" = 1 drink

"Concussion" = finish your beer, slam can/bottle against skull

"Protocol" = 1 drink, then go inside a tent for 5 minutes

"Rob" = 1 drink

"Gronk" = 1 drink

Name that ends in "-ski" = 1 drink, eat some Polish kielbasa

"History" = 1 drink

"GOAT, greatest, best, etc." = 1 drink

"Tom" = 1 drink

"5-time" = drink for 5 seconds

"6-time" = drink for 6 seconds

"Champion" = 1 drink

"Bill" = 1 drink

"Malcolm" = 1 drink

"Brandon" = 1 drink

"Nate" = 1 drink

"Steven" = 1 drink

"Cris, Chris, etc." = 1 drink

"Al" = 1 drink

"NBC" = drink for as many seconds as your local NBC station (e.g. 7 seconds for channel 7)

"Here's a guy" = finish your beer

Anytime this is on screen:

Roman numeral = 1 drink per numeral/letter (so LII is 3 drinks, VIII would be 4)

Lombardi trophy (real or image of) = 1 drink per trophy

Super Bowl logo (any year) = 1 drink per logo

Vikings logo = 1 drink per horn (bonus points for drinking mead)

Ice or snow = 1 drink (bonus points if drinking cocktail with ice cubes)

Bill Belichick not talking = 1 drink

Bob Kraft talking = 1 drink

Josh McDaniels holding tablet or sheet = 1 drink

Matt Patricia = 1 drink, put pencil behind ear, first person whose pencils fall out drinks entire beer

Ernie Adams = 1 shot of gin

Green Man = 1 drink per man

Dog mask = 1 drink per dog

Roger Goodell = finish beer, throw it at TV

Highlights from previous Super Bowls = drink during entire highlight

Replays of Gronk concussion = 1 drink, 1 shot

Carson Wentz on sideline = 1 drink

Wentz highlight = 1 shot

Any kind of injury report or list = 1 drink per injured player

Anytime this happens:

Penalty = 1 drink per penalty yard

Touchback = 1 shot of liquor

Kickoff/punt return = drink during entire return

First down = 1 drink of beer

Turnover = finish your beer

Field goal = 3 drinks

PAT = 1 drink

Missed kick = 1 shot

Brady points out the "mike" linebacker = 1 drink, bonus points if drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade (but only if you're a girl and/or weigh less than 160 pounds, if not it's negative points)

Brady says "alpha milk" = 1 drink, bonus points if it's a White Russian

Brady throws pass to a non-WR = 1 drink

Patriot besides Brady throws a pass = 1 shot

Brady gets pissed at himself and/or others = 1 drink

Gronkowski catches pass = 1 drink

You're worried Gronk is hurt = 1 drink, 1 shot

Gronk actually is hurt = 1 drink, 1 shot, enter alcohol abuse protocol

Gronk scores = finish your beer and Gronk spike it (bonus points for glass)

Danny Amendola gets the ball in a non-receiving way (run, throw, return) = 1 drink

Amendola makes a clutch catch = finish your beer

Dion Lewis or James White gets the ball in a non-running way (catch, return) = 1 drink

Matthew Slater makes a special teams tackle = 1 drink

Slater downs the ball inside the 20 = 1 drink for each yard inside the 20 (5 yard line = 15 drinks)

Slater lines up at WR = 1 shot

Bernard Reedy is on the field = entire beer

Kenny Britt catches a pass = finish beer

Dwayne Allen thrown to = finish beer

Patriots go no huddle = 1 drink at first snap, 2 at second snap, 3 at third, etc.

Patriots try a trick play = 1 drink

Patriots successful with trick play = 1 drink, 1 shot

Patriots score TD on trick play = whole beer, 1 shot, 1 glass of wine

Eagles player acts like they're flying = 1 drink

Eagles fumble the ball = 1 drink

LeGarrette Blount runs someone over = 1 drink, bonus points for hitting a blunt

Jay Ajayi runs 10+ yards = 1 drink, bonus points for smoking a jay

Chris Long makes a tackle = 1 drink

Justin Timberlake exposes a body part = 1 drink per part

You hold in a piss during the game AND commercials = 1 drink per play, 1 drink per commercial

A commercial tries to be funny but fails = 1 drink

You flip over to Puppy Bowl = 1 drink per puppy on screen

So enjoy the game. Then enjoy the ambulance ride, then the hospital visit, then the morgue. Your funeral procession can be like your own personal championship parade for winning this drinking game. The hearse is like a duckboat.

Patriots the most exciting team ever?

Are the Patriots from 2001-present the best team in sports history? Probably not. Definitely not. The Yankees dominated baseball for decades at a time. The Celtics in the 1950s and 60s were essentially unbeatable. Best team ever? No way.

But has there ever been a sports team as captivating as the Patriots? Has any team drawn so much interest or generated such passionate sentiment (good and bad)? Haters and fans alike gravitate to what's happening in Foxborough, Mass., as if there's some sort of natural magnetic force luring their attention.

And the on-field product is excellent, especially compared to the rest of the crap you see around the NFL. Despite being favorites in almost every game, the Pats find ways to play close, exciting football on the big stage. They've been a part of more of the best games you've ever seen than you realize.

They've won 5 Super Bowls, by an average margin of 3.8 points. Only 19 points separate them from 5-time champs to 0-time champs. And if you add the two losses to the Giants, the Pats have only outscored their SB opponents by a total of 12 points. That's an average of being +1.71 ahead per game.

Recently, there's Sunday evening's 4th quarter comeback against Jacksonville. The heavily favored Pats were underdogs with 15 minutes remaining, with no Gronkowski, and a QB with a cut thumb. Instant classic.

This coming off of last year's ridiculous Super Bowl comeback. And then two years earlier there was Malcolm Butler's goal-line INT.

Even when the Pats lose, they give America unforgettable games. David Tyree's catch does not get remembered as vividly by football fans if it had not been against the 18-0 Patriots.

The Pats are a gripping story between games as well. Has a thumb been obsessed over as much as this past week? What about ESPN's story about "trouble in paradise" among the Pats' triumvirate of Brady, Belichick, and Kraft? DeflateGate became a national network news story. So did SpyGate.

The Patriots are must-see-TV on Sunday, and water cooler talk all week.

So Pats fans, enjoy it. These times don't last forever so revel in how fun it is to see an exciting team play exciting games, and win them in exciting fashion.

And Pats haters, enjoy it too. When this is all over you'll find football less entertaining without villains like Brady and Belichick. Imagine Star Wars without Darth Vader, Batman without Heath Ledger's Joker, No Country for Old Men without Anton Chigurh. Pats haters are all Captain Ahabs, giving futile chase to White Whales. Little do they know that without a whale to chase, things will get a lot less interesting.


Photo credit: Greg M. Cooper, USA TODAY Sports