It's Hard Not to Be Ridiculously Optimistic About the Patriots

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high. I'm trying to stay grounded the week before the AFC Championship game. I'm reminding myself of the 2009 playoffs when Baltimore came here and beat the Pats. Despite the effort to prevent over-optimism, I just can't help myself. Here's why:

The Ravens have played 9+ quarters of playoff football in 2 weeks. Their key defensive players are old, and will have to keep pace with a frequently up-tempo Patriots offense, which has played 4 quarters in 2 weeks. At some point attrition must take its toll.

Joe Flacco is Baltimore's quarterback. He's hit or miss, sometimes great, sometimes completely ineffective. The Ravens are good enough to win without him (See the aforementioned 2009 playoff game against New England), but after two great playoff performances, he's overdue to crap the bed.

The Patriots have a much better secondary than in their Week 3 loss to Baltimore. Flacco threw for 382 in that 31-30 Ravens win. That was when Devin McCourty was a cornerback, not a safety. Aqib Talib was a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. And Alfonzo Dennard was out with a hamstring injury. Baltimore had 10 pass plays of 20+ yards in that game, 4 of 30+ yards, and 2 40+ yarders. Not to mention a 27 yard pass interference penalty on McCourty.

Now, with Talib and Dennard as the corners, and McCourty as a safety, things are much better. The defense keeps the play in front of them. They tackle well. Talib can play man coverage. Which is more likely, Flacco throwing for 380 yards? Or being intercepted by McCourty?

I'm not being a Dan Shauhgnessy and guaranteeing a steamroll victory. I actually think the game will be close until the 4th quarter. And the Patriots can certainly lose. They can fumble the ball, miss tackles, get confused on coverage, and make enough mistakes to allow Baltimore to win.

But if the Patriots play at or near their best, then how can Baltimore win? How can Joe Flacco and a tired defense prevail? It seems impossible.

Patriots-Colts Drinking Game

So Colts/Patriots is once again relevant as a rivalry. But now it's Brady/Luck not Brady/Manning. Here's a drinking game to play during today's game.

Anytime a commentator says...
"No-huddle" or "high-octane" = 1 drink from a beer
A pun or play on words with "Luck" = drink beer for 7 seconds
A "Luck" pun involving horseshoes = drink for 11 seconds
"Guru" = 1 drink
"Peyton Manning" = drink for 18 seconds
"Turkey" = 1 drink
"Thanksgiving" = 1 drink
"Gobble gobble" = 1 shot of Wild Turkey
"Stanford" = 1 drink


Anytime this is on the screen...
Adam Vinatieri's game tying 45 yard FG against the Raiders in the snow = drink beer for 45 seconds
Vinatieri's game winning 23 yarder against the Raiders = drink for 23 seconds
Vinatieri's game winning 48 yarder against the Rams in Super Bowl XXXVI = drink for 48 seconds
Vinatieri's game winning 41 yarder against the Panthers in Super Bowl XXXVIII = drink beer for 41 seconds
A graphic with Vinatieri plus: Richard Seymour, Ty Law, Asante Samuel, or any other big name Patriot castaways = shot of cheap liquor, Mr. Boston vodka would be best
Fall foliage = 1 drink from a beer
Fall foliage from Vermont = 1 drink from a beer plus a shot of maple syrup
Cranberries = 1 drink
Cranberry bog = 1 Cape Codder (vodka and cranberry juice)
A turkey (animated, live, or cooked) = 1 drink
Pilgrims = 1 drink
Plymouth Rock = drink as much as you can in 16 minutes and 20 seconds (16:20)
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Bob Kraft talking to someone = drink as long as he's talking
Bill Belichick pulling something from his sock = 1 drink


Anytime this happens...
Tom Brady yells "Alpha Milk" = 1 drink
Brady points out the "Mike" = 1 drink
Patriots get a first down = 1 drink
Patriots go no-huddle = 1 drink per snap
Colts go no-huddle = 1 drink per snap
Patriots allow a 15+ yard pass play = 1 drink
Devin McCourty gets beat on a pass (even if incomplete) = 1 drink
McCourty forces a turnover = 1 shot of liquor
Vince Wilfork tipped pass = 1 drink
Wilfork recovers turnover = 1 shot
Wilfork returns turnover for TD = 1 shot, 1 beer, 1 turkey leg or mutton joint
Rob Gronkowski spikes the ball = 1 drink
Gronk doesn't spike after TD = 1 whole beer
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff return = drink until the return is over


Please get lubed up responsibly.

Patriots Win, Fans Act Like They Lost

I think the 3 Super Bowls, the 21 game win streak in 2003-04, and the near perfect season of 2007 have spoiled us in New England. The Patriots are 6-3 and have a 2 game lead in their division. But if you didn't know they beat the Bills 37-31 Sunday, you'd think fans and media in this town were reacting to a loss.

I can't believe of all people, I am the one advocating for optimism here. The Pats have problems but so does every other NFL team. Is Matt Schaub an elite QB for Houston? The Giants lost to the Bengals. The Falcons lost to the Saints. The 49ers tied the lowly Rams. What NFL team is significantly or even marginally better than the Patriots?

What does irk me about this team is the lack of "door-closing" plays by the offense. The Pats have the highest scoring offense in football. My problem with them isn't what they do or don't do, it's when they do or don't do it.

A perfect example was in the 4th quarter yesterday when Devin McCourty forced Fred Jackson to fumble. The Patriots offense then went 3 and out, including a Wes Welker drop, and punted. They took 19 seconds off the clock.

It was only their 8th 3 and out of the season, and their only 3 and out of the game. But it came at a time when they had an opportunity to at least run out the clock a bit, move the ball close to midfield, and force Buffalo to drive more than the 45 yards they had to on their next possession.

Another missed opportunity to seal victory came when the Patriots drove into the Red Zone and settled for a field goal. Stevan Ridley's false start was the keynote of that drive's end.

The Patriots defense isn't good. The pass rush is inconsistent, some of the most talented players are also young and inexperienced, and the secondary is Swiss cheese. As bad as they are though, Devin McCourty made more big plays in the 4th quarter than Wes Welker did.

The offense has the talent, they have the capability of ending games. They don't need to score 40 or 50 points to cover for an atrocious offense. They do need to take advantage of opportunities to clinch victory.

And maybe we all need to take a step back and adjust our perspective on this team. Let's enjoy their successes instead of criticizing every imperfection in those successes. Let's hope for perfection, but accept imperfect success.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

Patriots Blow Save, Win in Extra Innings

One good thing about the Patriots is that they play entertaining 4th quarters. One bad thing about the Patriots is that they play entertaining 4th quarters.

At some point this team MUST learn how to close. The difference between good teams and great teams is the ability to close games when you're ahead, and occasionally steal them when you're behind.

If NFL games were 3 quarters long, the Patriots would be 5-1-1 (tied with Buffalo 21-21 after 3 quarters). Not only that, they would've beaten Tennessee by 18, Denver by 17, Seattle by 10, and New York by 10. In 7 games, the Pats have "won" only three 4th quarters. They've been outscored 4 out of 7 games in the 4th.

The Patriots didn't make game-deciding plays until very late in this game. They didn't make game-changing plays either. They dropped passes, didn't take advantage of the safety, didn't take advantage of Alfonzo Dennard's INT, or a facemask penalty on a punt. The Jets gave the Patriots chances to put them away, and the Pats refused. Instead they tried flea-flickers, and that shit needs to stop right fucking now, Josh.

This lack of opportunism is an alarming trend.

Even more disturbing is a realization I had while watching this game: the success or failure of the Patriots depends on Devin McCourty more than anyone else.

That's a scary thought, but it's true. Look at this game. McCourty returns a kickoff and the Patriots look strong. He fumbles a kickoff and the Jets almost win. His blown coverages and pass interference penalties have punctuated game-winning drives for opponents. And his interceptions have sealed victories for the Patriots.

McCourty has had much more influence over the outcome of games than an inconsistent 3rd year defensive back should have. Other players need to step up and take more control of the game.

On the bright side, a win is a win. And Alfonzo Dennard looks very good for a rookie. The Pats ultimately made enough plays to win. The Jets clearly suck. There are some things to be optimistic about.

One request, though... Football stadiums should play "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats whenever there's a safety. Everybody would love it. All the fans would dance and if they don't dance well they're no fans of mine.

Patriots play the Rams in London next Sunday.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

Patriots-Jets Drinking Game

Here's a drinking game to play during Sunday evening's festivities. Every time certain words, phrases, or images are shown you have to drink a certain amount.

Anytime a commentator says...
"high-octane" or "no huddle" - 1 drink from a beer
"Oregon" or "Oklahoma" = 1 drink for the first mention, then 2 for the second, 3 for the third, and so on.
"Alfonzo Dennard" the wrong way (it's Duh-nard) = half a beer
Any press clipping about Mark Sanchez = 1 drink
Any press clipping about Tim Tebow = 3 drinks
"Tebow" = 1 drink
Talking about Tebow as a great human being = 1 drink
Anything to do with the number 666 = half a beer and a shot

Anytime this is on the screen...
Fall foliage = 1 shot and half a beer
Foliage from Vermont = the same as above plus a shot of maple syrup
Someone Tebowing = drink a beer for 6.66 seconds
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Bob Kraft talking to someone = drink as long as he's talking
Bill Belichick pulling something from his sock = 1 drink
Bible verse = a shot for the number of the chapter, and drink from a beer for the number of seconds of the verse, so John 3:16 would be 3 shots and 16 seconds of beer
Any graphic or reference to Belichick as head coach of the Jets = a beer
Any clips from Hard Knocks = 1 drink

Anytime this happens...
Tom Brady yells "alpha milk" = 1 drink
Patriots get a rushing first down = 1 drink
Patriots allow a passing first down = 1 drink
Devin McCourty gets beat on a pass = 1 drink (even if it's incomplete)
Devin McCourty interception = 1 shot
Vince Wilfork tipped pass = 1 drink
Vince Wilfork recovers turnover = 1 shot
Vince Wilfork returns turnover for TD = 1 shot, 1 beer, 1 turkey wing
Rex Ryan is bleeped out or says something that'd be bleeped out = 1 drink
Wes Welker mentioning feet (even in a past video) = 1 drink
Gronk spikes the ball = 1 drink
Gronk doesn't spike after TD = 1 whole beer
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff return = drink until the return is over
Whenever Stevan Ridley or Aaron Hernandez carry the ball without properly securing it = 1 drink

Patriots-Seahawks Drinking Game

So here's a drinking game to play during today's game. Every time certain words, phrases, or images are shown you have to drink a certain amount.

Anytime a commentator says...
"high octane" = 1 drink from a beer
"no-huddle" = 1 drink
"Oregon" = 1 drink, then 2 drinks the second mention, 3 the third, and so on (in tribute to the absurd number of push-ups the Oregon Duck mascot has to do when the Ducks score)
"Bill Parcells" = half a beer
"2007" = 1 drink (in reference to Patriots only)
"USC" or "Southern Cal" = 1 drink
"guru" = 1 shot
"replacement refs" = 1 drink

Anytime this is on the screen...
Bob Kraft = 1 drink
Bob Kraft talking to someone = drink as long as he's talking
Pete Carroll as Patriots head coach = drink as long as the clip or image is on the screen
Bill Belichick pulling something from his sock = 1 drink


Anytime this happens...
Tom Brady yells "alpha milk" = 1 drink
Patriots get a rushing first down = 1 drink
Patriots allow a passing first down = 1 drink
Devin McCourty gets beat on a pass = 1 drink (even if it's incomplete)
Devin McCourty interception = 1 shot
Vince Wilfork touchdown = 1 whole beer
Gronk spikes the ball = 1 drink
Gronk doesn't spike after TD = 1 whole beer
Kickoff touchback = 1 drink
Kickoff return = drink until the return is over

1 drink for every play the Patriots run, 1 for every 10+ yard pass play they allow.

Get lubed up responsibly.

Patriots Win in the Air and on the Ground

The last time the Patriots had a pair of 100 yard rushers in a game was 1982. And only one other time in NFL history did a team have two 100 yard rushers and two 100 yard receivers. But it wasn't all gaudy stats and pretty plays yesterday. At times the Patriots looked very shaky.

Let's celebrate the positive before dissecting the negative.

Wes Welker, filling in for injured starting slot receiver Julian Edelman, caught 9 passes for 129 yards. I think this Welker fellow might be able to contribute to this offense, even when Edelman returns. Call it a hunch. He seems to have knack for this.

The Patriots offense started the game with a touchdown drive. The first time they've done so this season. That should be more commonplace. Starting games 7-0 has been a Patriots trademark for half a decade.

Rob Gronkowski also had a big day, he caught 5 passes for 104 yards and a touchdown.

On the ground, the Patriots combined for 247 yards and 4 TDs. Stevan Ridley rushed for 106, and undrafted rookie free agent Brandon Bolden ran for 137.

The Patriots scored 45 points in the second half, although the flip-side of that is that they only scored 7 in the first half. Their early drives were incoherent and sputtering. They couldn't string multiple positive plays together, and the Bills did a very good job of covering Brady's targets. Brandon Lloyd was covered so thoroughly that he seemed to be draped in a Buffalo Bills snuggie.

Ryan Fitzpatrick threw two interceptions in the first half, but the Pats were unable to capitalize on them.

The defense made some big plays, and allowed a few of them too. The pass-rush was inconsistent, and in this aerial era of the passer, any QB will find an open receiver given enough time. The Patriots secondary wasn't up to the challenge. The safeties found themselves out of position. And Devin McCourty was able to intercept two passes only because the receiver beat him but Fitzpatrick underthrew the ball.

This team has flaws. We all see them, we all know them. What irks me is when the best players on this team don't play their best. When Brady and the offense fail to take advantage of turnovers. When the kicker misses kicks under 50 yards. When receivers drop passes or fumble the ball.

For several years, the Pats haven't excelled at taking full advantage of the opportunities they have to win games. There have been crucial moments when making one simple play can dramatically increase the chances of winning the game, and the Patriots have fallen short. That worries me more than the secondary or the kicker.

The Pats host the Broncos Sunday evening.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

Ravens 31, Patriots 30

Regardless of whether or not that field goal was good, and despite the amateurish officiating that seemed to define the game, the Patriots are the most responsible for their loss to Baltimore last night.

And it wasn't the defense. Even though the defense allowed Baltimore to move the ball on that game-winning drive, even though the defense allowed the Ravens to stay in the game, it was the offense that didn't hold its side of the bargain.

The Patriots offense had so many chances to end this game. And they didn't execute. When the Pats' defense stopped the Ravens on 4th & 1, the offense didn't do much. They were up by 9, with about 10 minutes left, and a chance to make it a 16 point game. Or even a 12 point game. 6 plays and 3:21 later and Baltimore had the ball back.

And the drive before that, the Patriots drove to the Baltimore 2, and only managed a field goal.

The Patriots made 5 trips to the Red Zone and only managed 3 touchdowns.

There were other missed opportunities. Joe Flacco should have been picked off 3 times, not just once. Devin McCourty bungled those. He was also burnt more than an Irishman's skin in the Sahara with no sunscreen. I don't know how such horrific burns don't appear on the injury report.

The play-calling last night was, at times, infuriating. The direct-snap to Danny Woodhead, then end-around to Julian Edelman was one of the most enraging moments of my life. It's 2nd & 6, you're moving the ball with traditional plays, so you open up Boise State's playbook, and get all cute and clever? Why?

The Ravens had been penetrating into the backfield all night until that point, and McDaniels/Belichick/Brady gave them a chance to blow up a play and end a drive.

I get the feeling with this offense that they're trying to win a certain way, instead of just trying to win any way possible. These tricks and gadgets are for the Bad News Bears or for the softball team from Camp Misfit when the super-athletes from across the lake come to play them.

If you think you need to try these tricky type of plays in order to win, then you don't have faith in your offense to simply execute the simple.

In that drive, the Patriots already tried an end-around and got a 1st down out of it. So Baltimore was already keenly aware of such a possibility. More traditional plays had been working, so why risk a big loss on 2nd & 6?

Sometimes you can think yourself so smart that you do stupid things and don't even notice it.

Anyway, I'll talk about the refs in a separate post, because it's a big enough issue in and of itself. The refs didn't cause the Patriots to lose, the Patriots caused this loss themselves. Although it's strange how Rob Gronkowski gets called for holding at least once a game. Are these all these replacement refs related to Bibi Jones or something?

Anyway, the Patriots should have won the last 2 games and didn't. That's good news/bad news. The good news is this team has talent enough to be 3-0. The bad news is, they haven't demonstrated an ability to consistently turn that talent into victory. They haven't executed, and consequently they'e 1-2, and below .500 for the first time in 145 games.

And you know what, you can't help but feel sentimental for Torrey Smith. He had a brilliant game only a few hours after tragedy completely changed his life. Logos and jerseys aside, I'm glad he had a good game.

The Pats are in Buffalo next Sunday. The Bills, along with the Jets, are ahead of the Patriots in the AFC East standings. I just puked in my mouth.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

Escape From DC

Let me start with a paragraph overreacting to the shouting match witnessed between Tom Brady and Bill O'Brien. This paragraph will sensationalize the heated discussion between the Patriots' QB and offensive coordinator. This paragraph will not mention that Brady and O'Brien were moments later seen calmly discussing things on the sideline, sitting next to each other. This paragraph will make implicating observations and comments about the chemistry in the Pats' locker room, and will end with an inflammatory question: Who really calls the offensive shots in Foxborough? Brady or O'Brien?

All they were really saying was "rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble."

Now with that over with, let's discuss this game. I think all except the most foolish of fans out there realize that the Patriots defense is a joke. Slater and Edelman are getting significant playing time. There are occasional turnovers forced, but there are also big plays allowed going the other way. This defense makes bad QBs look decent, decent QBs look good, good QBs look great, and great QBs look godlike. This defense has the same effect on quarterbacks as alcohol has on women at a bar, it makes them look much better than they actually are.

Devin McCourty is awful. He would have had a pick if not for a roughing penalty, but he has looked vulnerable all season long. It's not just a sophomore slump, it's a sophomore collapse. He gets torched, he struggles to cover, and he commits penalties to compensate for his failures. Fans shouldn't be allowed to wear McCourty jerseys to games, because opposing QBs will throw footballs in their direction again and again. And that could prove dangerous to spectators.

This team wins and loses based ENTIRELY on how well its offense performs. Brady had a slow start again (8/19 in the first half), and the half ended 20-20. Then Brady played a great 3rd and the Pats took a lead. The offense could have put it away, but Brady threw that argument inciting interception. And of course, the defense almost blew the lead.

When Brady and the offense are perfect, this team cannot lose. When he's great, this team is very difficult to beat. When he's just okay or a bit off for a few series, this team kind of sucks.

Gronkowski is the second most important player on this team. He's hauled in close to half of Brady's TD catches. He is the new NFL record holder for TDs caught by a tight-end. He also passed the 1,000 yard mark in this game.

Is this team going to go deep into the playoffs? That depends completely on the offense, because the defense is going to get ripped apart.

The Pats need to play much better as they're on the road against a hot team that's leading its division. Pats @ Tebow next Sunday evening.

Photo Credit:
AP Photo

SIX PATRIOTS NAMED TO PRO BOWL TEAM

Three Patriots were named starters for the AFC team, and three more were named as backups. Tom Brady, Logan Mankins, and Vince Wilfork were selected as starters. This will be Brady's 6th Pro Bowl (seems low, doesn't it?), Wilfork's 3rd, and Mankins' 3rd. I have to admit that I'm really happy the Patriots finally came around and signed Mankins, as he's been very helpful in the running game.

Devin McCourty, Jerod Mayo, and Brandon Meriweather were all named as back-ups. This is McCourty's first selection, Mayo's first, and Meriweather's 2nd. I'm not too sure if Meriweather belongs there, but whatever.

Remember the first day of the NFL Draft, when fans up here were pissing and moaning about the Patriots taking a cornerback in the 1st round? Where are those people now?

A notable snub would be Rob Gronkowski. I feel like he deserves to be there more than Marcedes Lewis, and perhaps more than Antonio Gates. But it is an All-Star game, and reputation sometimes supersedes results. And until his 3 TD explosion in Pittsburgh, he was relatively unknown around the League.

Some might be upset that Danny Woodhead didn't get any recognition. But MJ Drew, Arian Foster, and Jamaal Charles are all having ridiculous seasons. Woodhead is about 800 yards behind all of these guys.

Hopefully, not a single Patriot will play in the Pro Bowl. I don't mean they'll all be involved in 6 separate calamities, like Mr. Burns' softball team on The Simpsons. But hopefully all 6 will be in Dallas engaged in other business.